Snapshot
by ksfd89
Summary: Oneshot of Jess's Father Day set between my Appreciation and Flux fics. Domestic Literati fluff!
1. Chapter 1

**Father's Day oneshot set between my Appreciation and Flux fics! **

"Daddy!"

Jess groans as a toddler weight thumps onto his chest. "Hey, Charlotte. You're up bright and early, huh?"

Rory's laughter as is cut short as her daughter notices her and, leaning forward, bellows, "Mommy!"

"Wow, hi," Rory says, ears ringing from Charlotte's greeting. "And this is without coffee. You sure you're my daughter?"

Charlotte frowns at her and Rory chuckles, giving her a cuddle. "Good morning, angel."

"I bet it's all the coffee you drank when you were pregnant," Jess remarks. "Hardwired in her genes."

"You say it like it's a bad thing," Rory retorts, pulling herself up onto her elbows. "Speaking of coffee, I need some."

"Really?" Jess says in mock-surprise. "I guess I should go put a pot on, right?"

"Make it a vat," Rory says seriously. Jess laughs and laughs again as Charlotte yells, "Breakfast!"

"Such a one-track mind," Jess says, kissing Charlotte's cheek. "Wonder where you get it from."

Charlotte response is to yell, "Breakfast!" again. Jess carries Charlotte into the kitchen and Rory forces herself to sit up, groaning. It's a Saturday morning and she was hoping to lie in. Charlotte had a hard time getting to sleep last night so Rory had hoped, rather fruitlessly, that her daughter would wake up a little later. Charlotte is two years old with curly brown hair and big blue eyes. She is already insatiable with curiosity, pulling books of the shelves in the apartment Rory and Jess share. The fact that she can't read doesn't seem to stop Charlotte. Jess boasts that she's a bookworm already.

Rory quickly checks her phone before getting up. There's nothing new on there apart from a reminder to take Charlotte into town. Father's Day is tomorrow and Rory has a gift to collect. Putting the phone back on the bedside table, Rory gets up with a yawn and pads into the kitchen where Charlotte is perched on the counter, giggling at Jess making French toast.

"Careful on there, missy," Rory says as Charlotte claps her hands and Jess says, "Hey, she's fine, I'm watching her. Coffee's coming right up too."

"Juice!" Charlotte shouts and Jess nods, sounding weary as he says, "And your juice. Very important order, I know, kiddo."

"I'll get it," Rory says, going to the fridge. "And it's juice please, Charlotte."

"JUICE PEES!"" Charlotte shouts and Jess starts laughing. Rory tries to keep a straight face but can't help giggling.

"Here you go," she says, pouring orange juice into a brightly coloured cup and handing it to Charlotte who drinks it in one gulp. Jess turns the toast over in the pan, whistling under his breath and Rory kisses his shoulder, making him smile. Pouring herself a cup of coffee, Rory sips it and gradually wakes up, a content happiness flowing through her. She's lived in Philadelphia for two years now and worked at the local paper for almost the same amount of time. Jess is still at Truncheon and Charlotte divides her time either at home with Rory, where she mostly writes her articles, the newspaper office or the bookstore with Jess. After new books are unpacked Charlotte gets to play with the empty boxes. One day Jess pretended not to know where she was, lifting the box with her inside and saying _where's my girl gone?_ Charlotte had giggled so hard it was difficult to act surprised when she stuck her head out. Rory still can't believe her tiny baby is a little girl now, almost out of diapers and holding conversation. Granted, most of her topics centre on bellowing nursery rhymes or demanding juice, but still. Charlotte turned two a few weeks ago. Rory had thought she wanted those milestones but had wept when they occurred. She doesn't even want to think about Charlotte starting Kindergarten.

Sliding toast onto plates, Jess carries breakfast over to the table and slips his hands under Charlotte's armpits. She lets out a indignant squawk but is happy once she's at the table, tucking into toast and getting a good deal of food in her hair. Rory wrinkles her nose in a sigh.

"She'll need a bath," she whispers to Jess, already dreading it. Charlotte can't stand bathtime. Rory was already feeling tired at the trip to the store, but shakes her head as Jess offers, "You sure you don't want me to come to the store?"

"I told you it's for a surprise!"

"Right, right," Jess says, smiling into his cup of coffee. "I can't imagine what it's for."

"No more questions, Dodger."

Jess lifts his hands up and turns to Charlotte. "Do you know what this is about?"

"Hey, no questioning the kid!"

"I think your secret's safe," Jess says, wincing as Charlotte shouts, "JUICE! JUICE PEES!" into his ear. "Okay, okay. One more cup of juice and then it's bathtime."

"NOOO!"

Charlotte continues to scream all through her bath and Jess wipes a haggard hand across his brow. "I thought girls were supposed to like showers."

"A bath is a whole different vibe," Rory teases, pouring water over Charlotte's back. "We're almost done, sweetie."

"Thanks," Jess jokes, sticking his tongue out and Rory laughs.

"You've got soap on your face."

"It's a new look I'm trying. See Charlotte, it's not so bad!"

Charlotte continues to cry until after she's dry and dressed in a blue dress. She sucks her thumb, glaring at her parents who try not to laugh.

"Come on cutie," Rory says. "Let's have some girltime!"

Girltime doesn't seem to thrill Charlotte. She grumbles in her carseat, on the edge of a tantrum which threatens to break when they reach the store. Keeping a firm grip on her hand Rory starts to lead her inside, already regretting not choosing online delivery. Charlotte pulls at her mother's hand, stamping her feet and Rory takes a deep breath, stopping and bending down.

"We have to pick up Daddy's gift," she says evenly. "Then we can do something fun, okay? Come on."

"NO!" Charlotte screams, spittle spattering her mother's face. Rory closes her eyes, trying to compose herself, and they snap open as a man's voice says, "Rory?"

"Logan?" Rory says in disbelief. This can't be happening. Logan lives in London. He is an ocean away. He last saw Charlotte six months ago when he came over for Christmas and Rory hasn't heard any hint of a visit. Slowly, she straightens up, holding tightly onto Charlotte's hand. Logan smiles at her.

"Hey, Ace."

"What are you doing here?" Rory asks faintly. Logan is dressed in a smart white shirt and black pants and he says, "Flew out to New York for some work yesterday. I was going to call but I thought I'd surprise you."

"Surprise me," Rory echoes faintly. She seems to have lost power of thought and Logan adds, "I was going to call today, I mean. Not just show up - I didn't know you'd be in town today."

"We're getting a Father's Day gift," Rory says and then inwardly winces. Logan looks a little surprised but simply nods. Rory bends down, lifting Charlotte up and Logan breaks into a smile.

"Hey Charlotte. Remember me?"

Charlotte doesn't. She buries her face in Rory's shoulder and Rory says gently, "It's okay, honey," and to Logan, "It's been a long time since she saw you. For her, I mean."

"I know," Logan says quietly. "Hey, you want to get some coffee?"

Rory bites her lip but nods. Somewhat in shock, she follows Logan into a cafe and makes an excuse to use the bathroom. Carrying Charlotte inside, Rory stares at herself in the mirror and tries to steady herself. She looks like a mess. There are splatters of juice and crumbs on her shirt from the snack Charlotte had before they left and, of course, the spit from her daughter screaming as Logan approached. Impeccable timing. Rory washes her face, Charlotte watching curiously, and quickly calls Jess.

"Hey," he says fondly. "How's girltime going?"

"Not so great," Rory says honestly. "Logan showed up."

There's a pause and then Jess says, "What?"

"He's here, he's just here," Rory babbles. "He's working in New York and he's here and wants to have coffee. What do I do?"

"I don't know, Rory. Do you want to have coffee with him?"

"No - but I'm curioius to talk to him, I guess."

"Then maybe you should have coffee."

"I'm nervous, I don't know - this feels so weird."

"It is weird," Jess says honestly. "But he's just that rich guy with a porsche. You don't need to feel nervous."

Rory smiles at that. "I'll see you later, okay? I love you."

"I love you too. Kiss Charlotte for me."

"I will." Rory hangs up, kissing Charlotte's cheek and taking her back into the cafe. Logan is sitting in a corner and Rory tries to smile as she goes over.

"Hey," she says again and Logan says, "I went ahead and ordered coffee for you."

"Oh - thanks." Rory feels mildly affronted, though she can't place why, and Logan asks, "I'm guessing she's still too young for coffee, right?" and nods at Charlotte. Rory laughs, settling Charlotte onto the chair next to her and says, "Yup. Maybe a few more years."

"She's two," Logan says in wonder. "How can she be two?"

"I don't know," Rory says quietly. It only seems like yesterday that Charlotte was born, that Rory found out she was pregnant, yet that time she shared with Logan feels like a different life. Rory can't believe that was just a few years ago in reality. Her daughter stares up at them and Logan remarks, "She looks just like you."

"She does," Rory says fondly. She doesn't add that Charlotte looks nothing like Logan. With her wild curls, people often assume Jess is her biological father. In every other way he is her father. He held Rory's hand when she gave birth, loved Charlotte as fiercely as if she had always been his. Really, Rory thinks, she has been. Jess loved Charlotte as soon as Rory told him she was pregnant. The waitress comes over with their drinks and Logan says, "I wasn't sure if Charlotte would want anything."

"She'll have a cup of juice," Rory says and is tired as Charlotte shouts, "JUICE PEES!"

"Yes, sweets," Rory says, stroking her hair. "You're having some juice."

Logan chuckles and asks, "So how was her birthday?"

"Good. Big."

It had been a Stars Hollow extravaganza. Lorelai had turned the house into an explosion of pink streamers and fairy lights and the cake was almost as big as Charlotte herself. Charlotte idea of eating cake was to bury her whole face in it and Rory was finding buttercream in her hair for a good two days afterwards.

"Did you get my gift?" Logan asks and Rory nods. Logan had sent over a rocking horse several sizes too big and when Rory lifted Charlotte onto it she'd screamed in terror. Lorelai commented that Charlotte got Rory's knack for horseriding, but had shut up when Rory reminded her the pony she'd ridden had died. Rory sips her coffee and says delicately, "She's a little small for it," when Logan asks if she liked her present.

"Oh," he says, shoulders sagging and Rory feels bad.

"Hey, she's only two. Still refining her taste."

"I got her this," Logan says, delving into his pocket and emerges with a small bracelet. It's beautiful but all Rory can think is that it's a complete choking hazard. Logan lifts it to the light and says, "See, Charlotte? That's for you!"

Charlotte stares at him and Logan asks, "Can I hold her?"

"Okay," Rory says after hesitating. She takes the bracelet and passes Charlotte over to Logan. He holds her awkwardly but his expression is gentle.

"Hey, Charlotte. I missed you."

Charlotte starts whimpering, reaching for Rory and Logan says, "Hey, it's okay. It's me."

Charlotte starts howling in earnest and just as Rory gets up to take her back the waitress comes over with the juice.

"JUICE PEES!"

Charlotte seems to mean this in the literal sense. Rory picks her up and Charlotte wets herself. Pee trickles down onto the floor, leaking from her diaper onto Rory and Logan's arms, and Logan can't hide his expression of revulsion.

"I'm sorry," Rory says. "She's not there with potty training yet and..."

"Right," Logan says, wiping at himself with a napkin. "No big deal."

He tries to smile and Rory is sure he's remembering the time Charlotte got puke and poop on him as a baby.

"Sorry," Rory says awkwardly and Logan says, "It's fine. Guess it was dumb, seeing you here like this. Charlotte can't even remember me."

"She's so little," Rory says and Logan's voice fades as he says, "But I'm her - forget it."

"Logan. You live an entire country away. Sending her gifts and showing up at Christmas isn't being a father."

"I know. I just - I'm sorry it turned out like this."

Rory doesn't know what to say. She isn't sorry things turned out this way, not for her and Jess at least. But she is sorry Logan doesn't seem to care more.

"I hope she likes the bracelet. Maybe someday I'll know her better," he says and Rory nods.

"Maybe. I'd better get her changed."

"Juice pees!" Charlotte says again and, as Rory and Logan look at her, she takes one sip of juice before pouring the rest over her head. Logan smiles but makes a hasty retreat. Dazed, Rory focuses on cleaning Charlotte as best she can before taking her home and, it's only when Charlotte is screaming in her second bath of the day that Rory remembers she forgot to pick up the gift.

Rory cries a little in the shower herself and is still upset when she tells Jess about it.

"It was so awkward," she sniffles. "And sort of sad, and I forgot to pick up your gift."

"I'll get it."

"You can't - it's your gift."

"Rory, it's no big deal."

"Yes it is. And Charlotte peed on Logan and -"

"She what?" Jess asks, starting to laugh and Rory smiles. It is kind of funny now she thinks about it. Logan had looked so startled.

"Charlotte had an accident and dumped juice over her head."

"Big day, huh, kid?" Jess asks. Charlotte is playing with some bricks and breaks into giggles as Jess picks her up. "Daddy!" she shouts happily and Rory laughs out loud.

"I'm going to go get your gift."

Rory drives to the store without mishap and, when she gets back, Jess has already made dinner. After eating Rory wraps his gift, shooing Jess out of the room and gets up early the next morning to retrieve it. Charlotte is already awake and squeals happily at the sight of her mother.

"Come on, angel," Rory says. She picks up the gift, gives it to Charlotte and plops her onto the bed. Jess opens his eyes just as she shouts, "DADDY!"

"That's Charlotte's way of saying Happy Father's Day," Rory tells him and Jess creases his eyes with laughter.

"Thank you," he says, kissing her and opens his gift. It's a photobook of him, Rory and Charlotte and Jess's voice is a little misty as he repeats, "Thank you. It's perfect."

"Thank you for being her dad," Rory says seriously and Jess pulls her to him.

"I'm the luckiest guy alive."

Rory kisses him and then, to her bemusement, Jess gets out of bed and picks up Charlotte.

"Wait right there."

"Okay," Rory says, confused. "What's going on?"

"Just wait!"

Jess disappears and re-emerges with a book tied in ribbon.

"What's this?" Rory demands, taking it. "I don't get gifts today!"

"Yes you do. Just open it."

"Okay," Rory says quizzically. She unties the ribbon to see a copy of _Howl_ and, as she opens it, a ring falls out. Rory's mouth hangs open and Jess says, "Rory, will you marry me? I've known you since I was seventeen and I knew it then."

It's not just any copy of Howl. It's Rory's copy, with Jess's notes in the margins and Rory traces her fingers over them.

"You knew we'd wind up here?" Rory asks, her voice catching on a sob, and Jess says firmly, "I knew I wanted to be with you - love you. I didn't know I'd wind up raising a daughter with you but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love Charlotte, I love our family. I love our life. And I love you so much, Rory."

"Marry Daddy!" Charlotte shouts. "Marry Daddy!"

"I taught her to say that but I don't think she knows what it means," Jess admits and Rory starts laughing.

"It doesn't matter," she says, pulling Jess into her arms. "Yes. Yes, I'll marry you. I love you, Jess Mariano."

"I love you too, Rory Gilmore."

They kiss and kiss, laughing as they break apart and finally Rory turns to Charlotte.

"I'm marrying Daddy," she tells her. "What do you think about that?"

Charlotte unpops her thumb for her mouth and says happily, "JUICE PEES!"


	2. Chapter 2

**I decided to make this a little series of family moments for Rory and Jess! More domestic fluff.**

Rory looks down at the bundle in her arms and beams. "I didn't know I could even make boys."

"You know the guy supplies that side of things," Jess says and Rory says seriously, "Yes, I know, but I'm a Gilmore. Guess there's an exception to every rule."

The baby squirms, waving an arm, and Rory wriggles her nose against his. "That's right, that's you. And you need a name."

"You still want to use Richard, right?" Jess asks. Rory had had that name lined up in case Charlotte had been a boy and she nods.

"Richard sounds a little stuffy though. Maybe we could call him Richie for short?"

"Sounds good. And if he's being a jerk we can call him Dick."

"Jess!" Rory exclaims, putting her hands over her son's ears as her husband laughs. "Not funny!"

She giggles though, in spite of herself, and settles down. "Okay, okay. We still need a middle name."

"I've been thinking," Jess says, sounding slightly nervous, "How about Lucas?"

Rory smiles, nodding and Jess relaxes into a smile too. "I love that, Jess."

"You think Luke would like it?"

"I think he'd love it. I mean, I think he'll get kind of gruff and awkward -"

"Like usual, then."

"But Luke's an old softy. I think it'd mean a lot to him."

"Good," Jess says, nodding. "Our son's named. Wow, that was easy."

Rory nods in agreement. Everything has been remarkably easy so far. Even the birth wasn't too bad. Rory wouldn't go so far as to say that was an easy job, but it was definitely better than Charlotte's had been. She went into labour at eight that morning and Richie was born at midday. Rory didn't vomit this time either, which was an improvement on every level. She's pretty sore though, and leans back against the pillows. Richie snuffles slightly and Jess says, "Hey, you okay?"

"I'm fine. Well, fine for someone who just had a baby. I'm tired."

"Here," Jess says, lifting Richie from Rory's arms. "I'll hold him, you get some rest."

"Thanks." Rory closes her eyes but they flutter back open as she sees Jess walk around the room, saying gently, "There's my boy. It's Daddy. We're okay, Richie. We're fine."

Rory smiles, watching them. She's thinking of remarking on how Jess is a softy just like Luke, but then sleep takes over and Rory doesn't open her eyes again for another three hours. When she wakes up Jess is napping in the chair beside her but Richie is gone.

"Where's Richie?" Rory asks, her voice distorted with sleep and Jess assures her, "He's fine. He's just being checked over by the nurse."

"Okay," Rory says but she doesn't relax until the baby is brought back in, his crying echoing around the room.

"I think someone's hungry," says the nurse but she frowns at Rory's joke of, "Do you mean me or him?"

"Here you go," the nurse says, as Rory reaches out for Richie. "He's a very healthy little boy."

"And a healthy appetite already," Rory remarks, rolling her eyes as Jess comments, "Wonder where he gets that from." He checks his phone quickly and says, "Your mom wants to know if she can come by yet."

"Sure she can. She must be going crazy waiting."

"Her and Charlotte," Jess says, typing back a reply. "They'll come over with Luke."

"Good," Rory says happily. She winds Richie and, as he settles down in her arms, says to him, "You're going to meet your big sister!"

Richie stares back with big blue eyes which flutter into sleep. Rory laughs and says, "I think he's pretty underwhelmed."

"Give the kid a chance. He's only three hours old."

"I guess," Rory says, grinning. "Do you think Charlotte will be excited to meet Richie?"

"I don't think she understands there's going to be a baby."

"You sure about that?" Rory grimaces, remembering an afternoon on a bus where Charlotte had pointed at her mother's stomach and said proudly, "She's got a baby in her belly!"

"We'll find out," Jess says. "You should rest before they get here."

"I'd kill for a shower first."

"No need to go to those lengths. Not yet, anyway."

After a shower and slow progress back to bed, Rory feels a little more refreshed when Lorelai arrives. Charlotte is riding on Luke's shoulders but when Rory excitedly asks, "Hey. Charlotte, look he's here!" she gets shy, hugging her face into her grandfather's neck.

"She's not very sure," Lorelai says and Luke says, "How about I take this one to a vending machine and we get a candy bar first?"

"Sugar always helps," Rory agrees. "Thanks, Luke."

"Daddy!" Charlotte whimpers, looking up at her father, and Jess says, "I'll go along too. I could use some candy."

Once they've gone Lorelai squeals, pulling a chair over to the bed. "He's here!"

"I know!"

"He's a _he_!"

"I know! I didn't think that was possible!"

"We don't make boys!"

"I know, that's what I told Jess!"

The baby stirs slightly and Lorelai says quickly, "Hey, nothing against you, kid. You can be our exception."

"Exactly."

"And you're okay?" Lorelai asks Rory. "As okay as you can be."

"I'm fine - super sore, but fine. And tired."

"But you're okay?"

"I am, I promise. You want to hold him?"

"You have to ask?" Lorelai takes the baby eagerly, rocking him slightly. Richie stirs, frowning at his grandmother, and calms back down.

"What a cool dude!" Lorelai exclaims. "He's totally relaxed about everything."

"He's only a few hours old, Mom. It might be different once we take him home."

"No way," Lorelai says firmly. "I can tell. He's going to be chilled out about stuff."

"Well, I'm glad one of us is."

They laugh a little and Rory says, "Mom, I've named him after Grandpa. I'm going to call him Richie."

"That's perfect," Lorelai says softly and laughs as Rory adds, "Good thing he was a boy because I'm tapped on girl names."

"You said you didn't think he'd be a boy!"

"I was surprised but happy I didn't have to think about a new name! It all worked out. I'm not having any more kids."

"You didn't waste time with this one," Lorelai remarks, making Rory blush. She'd found out she was pregnant as soon as she got back from her honeymoon.

"Yeah, well. It felt like a good time."

"You might be changing your story when you have a baby and toddler at home. Not that I've done that, but so I hear."

"Charlotte's three, she's bigger than a toddler. We'll be fine."

Lorelai looks doubtful but she nods, making a face at Richie.

"He's got the Gilmore eyes."

"Well, of course!"

The baby falls back asleep and Rory resists the wave of sleepiness that breaks over her. She's glad this is the last time she'll do this. They are interrupted by the door slowly opening, Charlotte walking between her father and grandfather and having a hand held by each.

"There's my girl!" Rory exclaims. "Come here, sweetie!"

Charlotte looks cautious, a streak of chocolate around her mouth and Rory says, "I missed you, angel. Look who's here!"

Charlotte hangs back and Rory tells her, "It's your new brother. We've called him Richie."

"And his middle name's Lucas," Jess adds, smiling at Luke. His uncle coughs, smiling and says, "You didn't have to -"

"I wanted to. We wanted to."

"It's perfect," Lorelai says again. "He's perfect."

"You want to meet your brother?" Luke asks Charlotte but she won't go over to the bed.

"It's a little crowded in here, huh?" Lorelai says. "We'll give you guys some room."

"Right," Luke agrees. "I think there's something in my eye anyway."

He rubs at his eyes, smiling sheepishly as he goes out, and Jess picks up Charlotte.

"Come on, big sister. Go see your mom and brother."

He gently places Charlotte on the bed next to Rory, who gives her a kiss.

"I missed you, sweets. Hey, look who's here! It's Richie!"

She carefully lifts Richie out of the crib beside her and leans over with him show Charlotte. "There's your brother! Do you want to say hi?"

"NO!" Charlotte shouts, making Rory jump. "I don't like him!"

"Hey," Jess says, going over to the bed. "It's okay, Charlotte. Give the kid a chance."

"I don't want him," Charlotte says again and she starts crying. "I want Mommy." Rory looks nervously at Jess who lifts Charlotte off the bed.

"Come on, kiddo. Let's go for a walk."

Rory bites her lip, looking nervously at Charlotte and back at Richie who, miraculously, hasn't woken up. Jess smiles and says reassuringly, "It's just new to her. Charlotte's only three. She's scared, that's all, plus we're in hospital. Once we're home it'll be okay."

"You're probably right," Rory says, trying to relax. It's only the first day, after all.

Unfortunately, Jess's prediction turns out to be far too optimistic. Charlotte doesn't seem happy about Richie at all. She gave him one kiss which seemed to be an anomaly and has otherwise had a negative opinion, crying more than usual and wanting attention. One afternoon, when Jess is at work, Rory is walking around the room with Richie. He's just been fed and is settling back down. Rory set Charlotte up in the corner with some toys and books but she isn't playing with them and instead crawls around the room, puffing out her cheeks.

"Look, Mommy! I'm a baby!"

"Right," Rory says distracted. She carefully kneels down and says, "Want to read a story with me and Richie?"

"No," Charlotte says blankly. "I don't like him."

"Charlotte, that's not nice."

"Give him back!"

"We aren't giving him back," Rory says evenly. "He's your little brother!"

"I don't like him. He smells."

"He's a boy," Rory says, trying to make Charlotte laugh. It doesn't work. Rory wrinkles her nose as she smells what Charlotte is complaining about and says, "He needs a new diaper."

There's a packet by the chair and Rory grabs one and some wipes, settling Richie down on the playmat. Rory takes off Richie's diaper and her heart sinks as she sees she put the wipes down just out of reach.

"Charlotte, can you be a big girl and hand me the wipes?"

"No!" Charlotte shouts. Her voice wakes Richie, who starts crying and lets out a jet of pee which hits Rory directly between the eyes. Gritting her teeth, Rory quickly goes to grab the wipes and looks up to see Charlotte, who has been potty-trained for over six months, pee on the carpet.

"Look Mommy! I need a diaper too!"

How Rory gets through the rest of the afternoon is a mystery to her. Richie bawls, Charlotte whines and as Rory tries to calm both down she wonders who the idiot was that thought it would be cool to have a new baby, whilst already having a three-year-old. That idiot was her. What was she thinking? The books she read on preparing her kid for a sibling have proved useless.

The next few weeks play out in a similar pattern. Richie is a much easier baby than Charlotte was but it's hard to relax when Charlotte's being so demanding. She keeps waking up in the night, wanting to stay awake later and crying when she's told to go to sleep. Rory and Jess are both so tired they don't go to bed much later than their daughter, and between her and their son no one is really sleeping at all. One evening, after dinner, Rory has promised Charlotte they can make icecream sundaes and her daughter ate her vegetables twice as fast as usual.

"Mommy, icecream!"

"One second," Rory says absently. She's feeding Richie and groans when Charlotte pulls at her arm. "Honey, not now."

"Look at me," Charlotte says. Rory doesn't turn her head, focusing on feeding Richie and Charlotte says, "Daddy!"

Jess is clearing the plates and says, "Hold on, Charlotte. We're busy."

Charlotte sticks her thumb in her mouth impatiently, glaring at her parents, and Rory waits for Richie to fall asleep before saying, "Okay, icecream time! I'll just put him down."

Jess has got the bowls and icecream out when she gets back but just as they're about to scoop there's a loud wail from the bedroom.

"Oh boy," Rory says. "Literally. Hang on, guys."

"Icecream!" Charlotte shouts and Rory says, "In a minute, Charlotte."

"Now!" Charlotte shouts and she lifts up a bowl and drops it where it smashes loudly on the floor. Rory stares at her in shock and furiously Jess grabs Charlotte's arm.

"That's enough! Look what you did! You don't get icecream!"

"It's not fair!" Charlotte sobs and Jess says, "You can go to your room right now," Charlotte bursts into tears and shouts, "I hate you and I hate Richie! Give him back!"

She runs into her room, slamming the door and Jess exhales, closing his eyes. Rory hesitates, goes to check on Richie and by the time she comes back Jess is sitting at the table. The shards of china have been cleared up. "What a mess," he remarks and shakes his head when Rory says, "You cleared it up."

"That's not what I mean."

"Yeah, I know," Rory says quietly. She puts her hand on Jess's and her husband says, "Charlotte seems to really hate Richie."

"She's only three. That's what you said, remember?"

"Right," Jess says softly. "Was I too hard on her?"

"She can't go round smashing bowls," Rory says. "But maybe we thought this would be smoother than it is. We didn't stop being only children until we were adults. I almost told Charlotte to stop acting like a three-year-old, and that's what she is."

"I feel like a jerk."

"Jess, don't. She's adjusting - we're all figuring this out. I'm going to go talk to her."

Jess nods and Rory gives him a kiss, walking over to Charlotte's room. She gently opens the door and frowns. For a moment the room seems empty but then Rory notices Charlotte hiding under the bed.

"Hey," Rory says, crouching down. "What are you doing all the way down there?"

"No one loves me," Charlotte says, her lower lip trembling. Sighing, Rory gets down to her knees and winces slightly at the strain.

"Can I talk to you down there?"

"Okay," Charlotte says solemnly and watches as Rory rather ungainly lies down and shuffles so she can fit under the bed.

"Sweetheart, Daddy and I love you very much. We love you more than anything."

"You love Richie."

"We love you too."

"Daddy hates me," Charlotte sniffles and Rory says gently, "No, angel, he doesn't hate you. He was angry because you broke the bowl. You know that was bad."

"I don't care. I hate Richie."

"Why do you hate Richie?"

"He's ugly and he smells and you only like him!"

"Charlotte, he's a baby. He can't help being ugly and smelly."

"You think he's cute!" Charlotte says in disgust and Rory tries not to laugh.

"He's cute but he's smelly, agreed on that. But we don't love your brother more than we love you."

"You don't want to play with me."

"Yes we do, but Richie's too little to be alone yet. Charlotte, you're his big sister! That makes you very special. You can teach him tons of stuff. That's very important."

Charlotte puts her thumb back in her mouth, thinking about this, and Rory goes on, "I need you to help me too, angel. Me and Daddy need you."

"Daddy's mad at me."

"He won't be mad when you say sorry. Are you sorry?"

Charlotte nods, thumb in her mouth again, and Rory says, "Ready to go back in the kitchen?"

Charlotte nods but before Rory can move she says, "I miss you, Mommy. You're my mommy."

"I miss you too," Rory says, managing to give her a kiss. "Come on, sweets."

They walk back out of the bedroom and when Charlotte sees Jess she hugs Rory's hip and says, "I'm sorry, Daddy."

"Come here," Jess says, opening his arms, and Charlotte runs over to him where Jess picks her up, hugging her against his chest. "There's my girl. I love you, Charlotte."

The next night, they make sundaes with no hiccups and when Richie starts crying Jess says, "I'll go. You girls enjoy the icecream."

Rory lifts up her icecream bowl and clinks it against Charlotte's.

"Here's to some girltime," she says and, although Rory doesn't think she quite understands, Charlotte giggles happily. It's too early to be sure but Charlotte's been a lot calmer today, and while Rory doesn't imagine it'll be totally fine from now on, Charlotte hasn't demanded once that her brother be given back. Lorelai is going to come over tomorrow and will doubtlessly spoil both her grandchildren, and provide some much needed help to the adults. Rory laughs as her daughter shoves her face in the icecream bowl, getting sauce all over her face and says, "And you told me your brother was yucky."

That night, after Charlotte has been bathed and put to bed Rory is able to take a shower in peace. She's just finished brushing her hair out when she hears a cry and, sighing slightly, goes to check on Richie. The crying stops before she gets there and Rory goes into the bedroom, expecting to see Jess, and stops in surprise. Charlotte is leaning over the bassinet, a bear in her hand, and she says proudly, "I showed Richie my bear and he stopped crying!"

"That's right, he did!" Rory exclaims, going over and giving her a kiss. "What a great big sister!"

Jess comes in and laughs happily when Charlotte repeats the story.

"There's my girl," he says, lifting her up. "What would we do without you, huh?"

"He still smells, but he's okay," Charlotte says matter-of-factly and Rory tries to keep a straight face as she says, "Good enough for me."

"And me," Jess says, giving Charlotte a kiss. "Okay little miss, back to bed."

"I want a story!"

"A story, huh?" Jess says and as Richie stirs Charlotte adds, "And for Richie."

"I can do that," Jess says. He sits on the bed, lifting Richie into one arm and holding Charlotte in the other and starts a story about a brave princess and her little brother. Rory smiles at them all, her heart complete. She's just about to slip away and get some rest when Charlotte says, "Mommy, do the voices!"

"It's the sock puppet show all over again," Rory groans but she complies. Her attempt is terrible but Charlotte giggles happily and finally falls asleep in her father's arms.

"Two kids," Jess says under his breath. "Think we're up for it?"

"You know, I think we might make it after all."


	3. Chapter 3

**The third installment in Literati domestic fluff!**

Rory sets down a sentence of completion, closing the laptop with a satisfied click. She's finished the last of the edits for an article that's been haranguing her for weeks, and is daring to believe it's done. Rory enjoys the air of achievement settling around her. The article is done, Richie is with Jess at Truncheon and Rory doesn't have to pick up Charlotte from school for a whole hour. She sits back in her chair and lets out a contented sigh.

"Done."

Rory grins at her assistant, Maya, who smiles back in disbelief.

"Seriously?"

"Well, I'll have to give it a final read-through, but it's looking good to me. We're done on all the major edits."

Rory picks up the apple she bought earlier and takes a big bite, enjoying the sweet sharpness erupting in her mouth. She finishes chewing and looks over at Maya, who seems amused.

"What? Do I have apple stuck in my teeth?"

"No, it's not that. It's just weird to see you eat fruit. I don't think I've seen you eat an apple in the entire time I've worked here."

"I guess it is a little unusual," Rory admits. "I just saw it earlier and it looked really good."

"And is it?"

"Yes," Rory says but she throws the half-core in the trash. She has suddenly lost her appetite. An icy, cold feeling is wrapping around Rory's throat, replacing the light happiness from seconds before. She doesn't say anything, continuing to make smalltalk with Maya until she leaves, but the thought has thudded into Rory's brain. There have only been two other occasions which she can remember craving an apple. Those two occasions are now seven and four years old and Rory is suddenly dizzy. When was her last period? She was late but then it showed up, didn't up? It was very light, Rory remembers now, and she'd just figured she'd got lucky that month. Does that count? Has she missed one period, two? _Shit!_

Rory grabs her keys. She can't wait until after picking up Charlotte to do this. Locking up, she runs to the store across the road, runs back and throws herself in her car. She can't buy a test there - everyone knows her. Rory doesn't want to discuss it with anyone. She drives as fast as she dares to a big supermarket across town, practically speeds home and barricades herself in the bathroom with the test. The two minutes are unbearably slow but Rory knows the result before even checking. _Positive_. She is positively pregnant at forty years old and Rory lets out a loud groan.

Rory buries her head in her hands, not even caring that she hasn't washed them. _Pregnant_. How the hell has this happened? Well, Rory knows how it happened - she and Jess don't have issues in that department - but she has never had a scare since Charlotte. She and Jess planned Richie and they were done. They have always been careful and Rory let herself relax. What the hell happened? What is she going to _do_? Rory lets out a yelp of surprise as an alarm goes off on her phone, reminding her to pick up Charlotte from school. Dazed, Rory buries the test in the trash and methodically washes her hands before driving, considerably more slowly this time, to Charlotte's elementary school.

"Mommy!"

Rory sees Charlotte run across the playground, her curly brown hair flying out behind her and a huge smile on her face. Rory reaches out her arms, trying to match her smile.

"Hey, sweetness!"

Charlotte stuffs her face onto Rory's chest, smearing the juice stain on her purple shirt onto her mother's blouse. Rory barely notices. She lifts up Charlotte's pink backpack and exclaims, "This weighs a ton!"

"I needed all the books!"

Rory helps load Charlotte into the back of the car who stares at her, bouncing up and down in her seat. Rory starts to feel that she's missing something.

"What did you need the books for?" she asks. Rory assumed Charlotte just wanted extra reading.

"My book report," Charlotte says, her face falling. "Right before lunch."

"Oh," Rory says, feeling horrible. She and Jess had helped Charlotte practice all last night. "I remember now! How did it go?"

"It was okay," Charlotte says, still subdued but slightly mollified. "My teacher said I used big words."

"You sure did," Rory says, giving her a kiss. She climbs into the front of the car and Charlotte chatters some more. Rory tries to nod in the right places but she can't concentrate. All she can think of is being pregnant. What is Jess going to say? What is her mother going to say? Rory lets out a miserable laugh at that and sees Charlotte frown in the back.

"I wasn't laughing at you," Rory says quickly. Charlotte nods, but she looks suspiciously at her mother, who grits her teeth and focuses on parking the car. When they get inside Jess and Richie are already back and Rory gives Richie a hug and Jess an absent kiss. He doesn't pick up on her mood, instead, he bends down and exclaims, "Charlotte! How did the book report go? Did you blow them away?"

"I think so."

"I know so," Jess says proudly. "That's my girl!"

He lifts Charlotte up for a moment, giving her a kiss and Rory asks, "So what did you boys get up to?"

"Oh, tons of manly stuff. Richie fixed the pipes and I rewired the building."

"Uh huh," Rory says, amused, and Jess adds, "Richie spent the day mostly in the corner with the new shipment of kids' books and I unloaded boxes."

"Well, that's kind of manly."

"Right," Jess says and laughs when Charlotte says indignantly, "I can do that too, I'm manly too!"

"You're a very smart girl, Charlotte. You don't need to be a guy to unload a box, Mommy and Daddy are just being silly."

Jess picks up Richie and then manages to lift Charlotte with his other arm, making her squeal. Rory smiles as she watches Jess set them on the counter, preparing a snack for them, but feels herself tense back up. What is her husband going to say to a potential third kid?

Once Charlotte and Richie are settled in front of a TV show with their snack Rory takes a deep breath.

"I need to tell you something," she says, leading Jess into the bedroom. Firmly closing the door, she turns to face Jess who's looking somewhat panicked.

"What?"

"You might want to sit down."

"Rory, what is it?"

"I'm pregnant," Rory says. She stares at Jess who gazes back, his face slightly pale.

"Pregnant?" he whispers. "Are you sure?"

"I ate an apple," Rory tells him. "And the test was positive, but seriously, the apple was proof enough."

"But tests can be wrong sometimes - the doctor needs to check, right?"

"Jess, I ate an apple," Rory moans. "I'm pregnant."

She sinks down on the bed and Jess sits with her, taking her hand.

"Hey," he says gently. "Are you okay?"

"No," Rory sniffles. She looks at Jess who is staring anxiously at her. "Jess?"

Jess lets out a stifled groan, rubbing his knuckles across his forehead and then turning back to look at Rory.

"What do you want to do?" he asks. He holds her hand tightly and asks, "Do you want to keep it?"

"I don't know," Rory says honestly. "I can't even think about it. I can't believe this."

Rory hasn't felt this sensation since she found out about Charlotte. Rory hadn't thought about it in years but here it is again,clear as day in her memory: the feeling that something was off, wanting different food and then the uneasy knowledge she'd missed a period and that she could be pregnant. Rory had felt like a teenager who'd gone and got knocked up and had vowed never to let it happen again. She loves Charlotte, she wouldn't change what happened, but Rory never wanted to experience an unplanned pregnancy again. How did she screw up? There is a massive lump in her throat and then she feels Jess put his arm around her, dropping a kiss on her cheek.

"I love you," he says softly. "And whatever you want to do, I'm with you. You know that."

Rory nods, sniffling, and lays her head on his shoulder. For a while they simply sit and finally Rory lifts her head, wiping her eyes.

"It's just - we were done," she says in a wobbly voice. "We have our kids."

"I know."

"And we're older now too."

"We are."

"I don't know if we can have another kid."

"Rory," Jess says, "I think we can do it. If you're scared we can't do it, I swear we can. If you don't want to have the baby that's okay, but if you do and you're scared...we can do it together."

Rory takes a shuddering breath, looking at Jess. It's not really like last time, she thinks. She's doing it with Jess. Although that's true for last time, she realises. He's always been there.

"I love you," she says and Jess kisses her.

"I love you too."

"I want to sleep on it," Rory says. "I can't decide right now. I don't know what I feel."

"Okay," Jess nods, squeezing her hand again. "Are you okay?"

"Relatively. How about you?"

"I'm in shock."

"Well, that makes two of us."

"I guess I should start dinner," Jess says, dizzily getting to his feet. "Wow. I can't believe after this I still have to make dinner."

Rory giggles and, once Jess has left, she lies down on the bed and falls into a deep, dark sleep. She feels no less confused once she wakes up but the endless circle of thoughts have ceased to her relief. Richie and Charlotte eat their dinner heartily, unaware that anything is wrong. Rory watches Jess heap food onto their plates, calling them his boy and girl. Are they going to add another one to the mix? What would it be?

Rory wakes up early the next morning. She looks over and Jess is still fast asleep. Easing herself out of bed, Rory makes a pot of coffee and drinks it whilst staring out of the window. It's a beautiful morning. Rory grips the mug tightly and says out loud, "At least you're not putting me off coffee." She finishes the cup, thinking, and goes back to the bed, crawling back under the covers. Jess stirs sleepily and Rory gives him a kiss.

"Hey."

"Hey," Jess says. He smiles, his voice concerned and Rory smiles too, snuggling closer to him.

"I think maybe we should have the baby."

"Really?" Jess asks. He sounds cautious and Rory nods.

"I think we can do it. And I am kind of scared, and I don't like not having a plan, but a third kid could be cool."

"Of course," Jess says, taking her arms. "It's our kid. We make great kids."

Rory laughs and Jess looks into her eyes.

"Hey. Are you totally sure? Because it's your body and if you're not -"

"I am," Rory says. "I wasn't when I found out, but I want to do it - have it. We can figure it out."

"We're having another baby," Jess says and then a smile starts to spread across his face. "We're going to have another kid!"

He gives Rory a big kiss, hugging her to him, and she laughs out loud.

"Hey, don't get too excited. We just got out of the little kid stage and you know what this means - diapers, midnight feeding and potty-training and oh, did I mention the diapers?"

"Worth it," Jess says firmly. "It'll all be totally worth it."

"I'm going to hold you to that."

The doctor tells Rory she is ten weeks pregnant. The baby is due in June. Swallowing, Rory asks, "And is it okay? I mean - will the baby be okay? I know I'm older."

"We'll do tests," the doctor says, "But for now everything's okay. I advise you to rest a lot though. Relax as much as you can."

That's a joke, Rory thinks. She's driving to Stars Hollow to see Lorelai. The doctor told her it was completely safe, but Rory still drives at a crawl, earning lots of angry sounding of horns behind her. When she parks the car Lorelai is waiting on the porch and says in disbelief, "You're late."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I didn't think it was possible for you to be late."

Lorelai has two cups of coffee waiting on the porch. It's a sunny afternoon, autumn leaves breezing around on the lawn, and Rory settles down with a blanket left on the chair for her.

"Mom," she says hesitantly and Lorelai absently asks, "Yeah, hon?"

"Mom, I've got some news," Rory says, taking a breath. "You know how you said I was late? It's kind of to do with that."

Lorelai is staring, utterly lost. "Your news is about traffic?"

"What? No! Mom, I'm pregnant!"

Lorelai blinks and then gasps, "What?"

She is showing almost the same expression as when Rory told her she was pregnant with Charlotte. That morning feels like a dream now, a limbo in memory, but Rory can clearly summon their sitting on the gazebo steps, the morning starting to wake around them. Stars Hollow was asleep but Rory had shaken their world with her news. And her mother had stared and stared and now Lorelai asks, just as she did then, "How? Well, I know _how_, but when?"

"I don't know," Rory says helplessly. "I mean - I couldn't tell you when exactly. But I'm ten weeks along."

Lorelai lets out a breath. "When did you find out?"

"Yesterday. I ate an apple."

"There's your proof," Lorelai says. "That's almost definite. Have you told Jess?"

"Yes. I told him last night."

"How did that go?"

"He was pretty shocked but okay."

"And you?" Lorelai asks, taking her daughter's hands. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm scared," Rory says honestly. "But I'm happy - I want to do it. I wasn't sure, when I found out, but I am now."

"Really?" Lorelai asks doubtfully and Rory asks, "Do you think I shouldn't do it?"

"No! Of course I'm happy for you, and I'm thrilled to get another grandkid - jeez, that always sounds weird. But this is a shock for you and I know you didn't want more kids."

"I didn't," Rory admits. "I didn't plan on more. But I think this is good - I want to see what this kid'll be like."

"If it's like me, it's already fantastic," Lorelai teases, putting her arms around Rory. "But you know that."

"Always so modest."

"That's my reputation."

"So what do you think it'll be?"

"How should I know?"

"You don't have a feeling?"

"It's a little early on," Rory argues but her mother is smiling and Rory sighs. "I haven't thought about that yet - not much. But I think maybe it'll be a girl. I don't know why."

"I know why - we're Gilmores!"

"But my last baby was a boy!" Rory laughs and Lorelai exclaims, "He was your exception. This one's a girl."

"You're going to have to wait a while to find out."

"You're not going to find out what it is?"

Rory shakes her head. "I like having the surprise."

"And you're the girl who hates surprises," Lorelai says, shaking her head. "Fine. I guess I'll be patient. I'll probably strain something trying!"

Rory doesn't argue with that. She takes a sip of coffee and looks up to see Lorelai smiling, looking a little teary. She lifts her cup to Rory's and says, "Here's to another Gilmore."

"It's a Mariano too."

"Doesn't stop it being Gilmore. Cheers!"

Rory and Jess tell Charlotte and Richie a few weeks later. They sit them on the sofa, Charlotte complaining about missing the end of her show, and Rory looks at Jess before saying, "We've got some news, guys. I'm having a baby."

"You're going to have a little sister or brother!" Jess says excitedly. "What do you think about that?"

Charlotte and Richie stare blankly at their parents and then Richie asks, "Where's the baby?"

"In her tummy, doofus," Charlotte says and Jess says sharply, "Hey, that's not the way to say things."

Charlotte shrugs and Richie asks, "How did the baby get in your tummy?"

"We'll talk about it later, bud," Jess says and Charlotte says, "I know. Gross."

"Come on," Rory says, taking a deep breath and sitting down with them. "We're going to have a new baby! What do you guys think about that?"

"Is it coming tomorrow?" Richie asks and Rory smiles, trying not to laugh. "No, sweets. Not until summer."

"When?" Charlotte asks and her face tightens when Rory says, "June."

"My birthday's in June."

"I know, angel."

"I want a brother," Richie says and Rory says, "It might be a boy. Or it might be a girl."

"Either way, you're going to have a new baby brother or sister," Jess adds. "Isn't that cool?"

"Yeah!" Richie says but Charlotte gets up.

"Can I go to my room?"

"If you want," Rory says. "But -"

Charlotte has already gone, and Rory is distracted by Richie asking again, "How did the baby get in your tummy?"

After Richie has been given a very basic rundown and shown a kids' book on the matter, Rory goes to Charlotte's room. She knocks softly on the door and looks round to see Charlotte at her desk, working on something from a textbook.

"Wow, what's this?"

"I know we're going to study Ancient Greeks next grade," Charlotte says. "So I'm studying them now."

"You're such a smart girl," Rory says fondly. She remembers how she used to assign herself extra credit work on Fridays and, after watching Charlotte finish her next answer, asks gently, "Do you have any questions?"

"About what?"

"About the baby."

"No," Charlotte says angrily. "I know you Did It. Ugh."

Rory bites back a smile and says, "I mean, questions in general. You're going to be a big sister!"

"I'm already a big sister," Charlotte says witheringly and Rory says, "I mean, you're going to be a big sister again. The baby might be a girl and then you'd have a little sister! Isn't that cool?"

Charlotte shrugs and Rory adds, "Richie wants a brother. Do you want another brother or do you want a sister? Not that I can decide which it'll be, but -"

"When in June?" Charlotte interrupts, putting her pen down.

"What?"

"My birthday's in June. I don't want the baby to have my birthday."

"Oh - angel, I'm not sure. But it'll still be your birthday."

Charlotte picks up her pen and starts angrily scribbling. Rory tries a different tack.

"You're going to be such a help," she says eagerly. "You're going to be so important to the baby."

That line had worked when Richie was born but it doesn't work now. Charlotte looks up at her mother and asks, "Why do you need another baby?"

"Sweetheart," Rory says, moving over so she can sit next to Charlotte. "We don't _need_ another baby. It was a wonderful surprise, just like you were. Daddy and I are very excited."

Charlotte doesn't reply and Rory says gently, "It's okay not to be excited. It's a big deal, I know."

"I don't want the baby to have my birthday," Charlotte says quietly. "Promise me, Mommy."

"Angel. I can't promise you that."

Charlotte sniffles, looking angry, and Rory adds, "I promise that your birthday will always be your birthday. I can promise that."

"Okay," Charlotte says, but she doesn't sound appeased. Rory sits with her a little longer but leaves not knowing how happy Charlotte is with this information.

The following months pass in a strange paradox of horrendously slowly yet hideously fast. Everything looks okay from the tests. Rory has been ordered to rest as much as possible and Jess is very strict about it, checking that she has her feet up and taking regular breaks from work. They watch a lot of movies, even for them, and everything just feels more. Rory doesn't remember feeling as terrible when she had Charlotte or Richie. There's been more morning sickness, more aching and everything has swelled up. It is a not a pretty picture. There were a few magical moments, such as when the baby kicked for the first time, but Rory is ready for this pregnancy to be done. Rory watches as a baby arm or leg pokes beneath her skin and says wearily, "Come out soon, please!"

When June arrives it's unbearably hot. Rory can't imagine it's going to be much fun looking after a newborn in this heat, but being pregnant is impossible. Lorelai moves in with them the week before the baby is due and Rory is so grateful she doesn't even think about how she might want space. It gets hotter and hotter as Rory gets bigger and bigger and she worries that the baby might be born on Charlotte's birthday after all. It's due that week. Of course, Charlotte was early and Richie was a little late, so who knows? One day Logan calls and he sounds a little awkward when Rory answers. She told him she was pregnant when he called a couple of months ago and Logan had hung up after an uncomfortable congratulations.

"Is Charlotte there?"

"She's out with Jess and Mom. Do you want to call back?"

"No - I was just checking if my gift arrived."

"It did." Rory hasn't opened it but can see from the box it's a large, pink dressing table with a unicorn hairbrush. She doesn't think Charlotte will love it but doesn't like to say so. "Thanks."

"Good." There's an awkward pause and then Logan asks, "So how are you? Still pregnant?"

"Sadly, yes. This is miserable."

"Do you know what it's going to be?"

"No...it's a surprise. I just want it to be born."

Logan laughs awkwardly and says, "I hope it goes okay. You know what I mean."

"Yeah. Thanks." Rory knows he's remembering Charlotte's birth, and how he flew over to see her with a giant teddybear and not much else.

"Give Charlotte my love, okay?"

"Of course. You sure you don't want to call back?"

"No, it's okay. Bye, Rory."

"Bye."

Rory passes on the message but Charlotte seems underwhelmed. She's already upset that she can't have a birthday party, and Rory feels terrible. She considered letting her have one but Jess said no. They both knew what the doctor said - no stress - and they both know stress would come from it.

"I'll take her to the pool and she'll have a blast," Jess says. "She can have her party after the baby's born."

Rory wakes up on Charlotte's birthday feeling heavy and hot, but that's the usual start to the day now. It's so early Jess stays fast asleep. Slowly, Rory walks into Charlotte's room and lies down in her daughter's bed.

"Happy birthday, sweetness."

It is five in the morning and Charlotte stirs sleepily. "Mommy?"

"Hey!" Rory whispers, kissing her cheek. "My little baby is eight years old today! How's that possible?"

"I'm nearly grown up," Charlotte says proudly and Rory laughs. "Not quite. But you're such a big girl! And it doesn't seem like eight years ago I was lying in a hospital bed throwing up and having you..."

Charlotte dozes off in her mother's arms and Rory smiles, feeling the new baby kick around a little. She's glad it has held off being born, at least for today.

That thought is wiped away after breakfast. They have all had a slice of birthday cake, wrapping paper scattered around them, when Rory feels a twinge in her back. She gasps, trying to hide it, but when Jess asks what's wrong she shakes her head.

"Nothing. Charlotte, do you like Logan's gift?"

Charlotte nods but she doesn't seem impressed. She was given a big stack of books by Jess and they had to be coaxed out of her hands. "When can we go to the pool?"

"Not much longer," Jess tells her. "We just need to clear this stuff away and then your friends should get here."

Another twinge hits Rory and this time she can't hide it. Jess goes over and demands, "Are you having contractions?"

"I don't know - maybe."

They stare nervously at each other and then Jess snaps into action.

"We're going to the hospital," he tells Lorelai. "We might be there for the day."

Lorelai nods and then a small voice pops up, "What about the pool?"

Charlotte is staring, bereft, her party hat drooping and Jess says gently, "We can't go to the pool, honey. The baby's coming."

"Angel," Rory says. "I'm so sorry."

Charlotte looks away, her chin wobbling, but before Rory can say anything else her back is engulfed by another contraction.

They are not going home from the hospital. Rory is put straight in a room, hooked up to a machine, and tries not to think about how it resembles a horrible sci-fi movie she and Lorelai once saw. Jess is trying to get her to laugh but Rory can tell he's nervous. This is a more risky birth and Rory tries to take steadying breaths. Hours trickle by and Rory whispers to her stomach, "Calm down. We're going to do this together."

When the time comes, Rory is less confident. Sweat is sheeting all down her face and arms and she's already been sick three times.

"Your sister did this with me too," she says, trying to make a joke to her bump. "Have I made you mad already?"

But it's more anxiety than sickness that's Rory feeling. Jess won't let go of her hand. A team of doctors are swarmed around Rory, barking out orders, and Rory tries to breathe evenly. "It's going to be okay," she murmurs. "It's going to be okay."

Finally, they ask her to push. With Richie, her body seemed to know what to do, but this time Rory feels unsure again. She's scared of pushing too hard or not hard enough and hangs onto Jess's arm, breathing heavily.

"Push!" the doctors encourage. "Push as hard as you can, Rory!"

Rory pushes, gasping, and then they tell her to hold off. Which is it? And what is the use of the iced chips the nurse keeps bringing her? If Rory could talk she would ask, but right now she only groan in pain. Is it ever going to be over?"

"You're doing perfectly," the doctor says cheerfully and Rory wishes she could voice her doubts. "Almost there. A few more pushes - you can do it."

"No I can't," Rory manages to whimper and Jess tucks some sweaty hair behind her ear.

"Yes you can. I know you can, you can do anything."

"It's been forever."

"You're almost done. You can do it, I swear it. And then you can get back at me for this for making me change every diaper."

Rory laughs at that which turns to a grimace at the next contraction, but she feels less helpless. She pushes and breathes, pushes and breathes, and finally gasps as something slicks out.

"That's it, there's the head! Keep going!"

Jess holds Rory's hand as tightly as possible as she keeps pushing and then, with a loud gasp, she does it. The baby is whimpering in the doctor's arms and she says proudly, "Well done, Rory! It's a girl!"

"It's a girl?" Roy exclaims. "Really, it is?"

"It is," the doctor says. The baby isn't crying, more whimpering, and Rory stares at her desperately as the cord is cut and the placenta is delivered. Jess is saying something soothing into Rory's ear but Rory can't hear him. Her heart is too full of longing for her new baby girl. She reaches for her and then the doctors are taking the baby to the corner and Rory tries to sit up.

"Let me hold her!"

"They're just making sure she's okay," Jess whispers. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay - I just want our daughter."

"She's coming right back," Jess promises. Some tears are trickling down his cheeks and he says, "We've got a girl!"

The doctors are back in minutes which seem more like hours, laying the baby in Rory's arms.

"Here we go. She's fine."

The doctors finally leave them alone, letting some silence settle in the room. The baby stares up them with big blue eyes and Rory's own blur up with tears as she snuggles the baby close to her chest.

"Hi, little one," she says softly. "Here we are. We're okay."

The baby snuffles and then finally starts crying properly, making Rory and Jess laugh.

"There's my girl," Jess says. He bends down to give the baby a kiss and then kisses Rory's cheek. "A girl. I can't believe we have a girl!"

"I can," Rory says. A deep happiness is swelling all through her. "I knew she was."

"A girl," Jess says again, shaking his head and Rory laughs at him.

"Are you happy?"

"Are you kidding? I'm the happiest guy on earth right now."

"I'm just teasing. Are you surprised? You keep saying she's a girl."

"I can't believe she's here," Jess clarifies. "I can't believe we have another baby."

"Believe it," Rory says, kissing the baby again and slowly handing her over to Jess. "There, say hi to your daddy."

Jess gently takes her, gazing into her eyes. "Hi, kiddo. I'm your dad. You're my girl."

"Hey, we have _two_ girls," Rory says and Jess laughs at her this time.

"No kidding."

"What are we going to name this one?"

"You said we'd figure something out."

"I'm still totally tapped! I used the girl name I had on Charlotte."

"We can't call her Daughter Number Two," Jess says, sitting down on the bed and Rory shakes her head.

"Be kind of cruel."

"How about another author?" Jess suggests. "Like Austen - Jane, I mean."

"I don't know," Rory says, wrinkling her nose. "I love Jane Austen but not so fond of it as a name."

"Doesn't have to be her name. Something along those lines. Maybe a book character?"

Rory gently rocks the baby and then says loudly, "Hey, I know!"

The baby startles, snuffles back into sleep and Jess whispers, "What?"

"My favourite Austen novel is _Persuasion_ and I always liked the name Anne."

"Anne," Jess says, trying it out, and Rory adds, "Plus there's three Brontë sisters. Anne Brontë was Charlotte's sister. What do you think?"

"I think that works," Jess says, grinning. "It sounds kind of fancy though."

"How about Annie?" Rory asks, gently tracing her daughter's face with a finger. "Do you like that?"

"I love that. What about a middle name?"

"I was thinking Emily," Rory says. "Originally for Grandma, but Emily was a Brontë sister too. So that works even better."

"Are you going to tell Emily about the Brontë reasoning?"

"Um, no. I want to survive Christmas with her."

They both chuckle and Rory tries out, "Annie Mariano. I think it has a good ring to it."

"So does Annie Gilmore," Jess says, giving Rory a kiss. "You know that's her name too."

They smile down at Annie, who's squirming a little in her sleep, and blinks her blue eyes open.

"Hi, Annie," Rory says, kissing her hands which are wrapped around Rory's fingers. "That's your name, do you like it?"

Annie blinks again and although it's impossible, Rory is sure she sees the hint of a smile.

Jess calls Lorelai to tell her the news and she promises to come by with the kids in the morning. Rory manages maybe two hours of sleep and can barely muster the energy to shower after the excuse of breakfast she's given. She manages to feed Annie, who falls straight back asleep, and has to convince Jess to sit back down.

"She's fine," Rory promises but Jess is unwilling to walk away from the crib.

"Just making sure."

They are interrupted by Lorelai bringing in Richie and Charlotte.

"Well, I don't like to say I'm always right," Lorelai says, ignoring Rory and Jess's snorts. "But I was right! She's a girl!"

"Of course she is," Rory beams. "Hey guys, come and meet her!"

Richie is so excited he runs straight for the bed and Jess grabs him, hugging him to a halt.

"Slow down, bud," he says gently. "No jumping on the bed."

Richie carefully climbs onto the bed where Rory gives him a hug.

"I missed you! Do you want to meet your sister?"

Richie nods, thumb in his mouth and Rory gently lifts up Annie to show him.

"Here she is. We've named her Annie! Do you like that name?"

"It's okay."

"You're her big brother," Rory tells him. "Do you want to hold her?"

Richie nods and Jess sits him back against the pillows, carefully placing Annie in his arms. "There you go."

"She's okay," Richie says matter-of-factly. "I wanted a brother but she's okay."

Rory stifles a laugh. "Good to know."

Richie holds Annie a little longer, smiling at his sister, and then loudly announces that he needs the bathroom.

"I'll take you," Jess says. "Come on, kid."

Lorelai expresses an urge for coffee so follows the two out. Rory looks over at Charlotte who's standing in the corner.

"Sweetheart?"

Charlotte slowly walks over and Rory says softly, "Do you want to hold Annie?"

"Okay."

Charlotte climbs on the bed, sitting close to her mother, and Rory says, "I'm so sorry she was born right by your birthday."

Annie was born at two in the morning, so technically the girls don't share a birthday, but Rory knows it's close enough. Charlotte nods and then takes Annie in her arms. At first she looks unsure but then a small smile starts on her face.

"She's your little sister. How about that?" Rory says. "We've got another girl in the house. That's pretty cool, right?"

"Pretty cool," Charlotte agrees and gasps as Annie reaches out and grabs her finger.

"She's holding my finger!"

"Of course," Rory says, giving Charlotte a kiss. "You're her big sister. She knows."

The door opens and Rory looks up to see Jess come in, smiling at them.

"How are my girls?"

"We're fine," Rory says confidently, looking down at her daughters. "We're all three of us fine."


	4. Chapter 4

**Another oneshot! This is from Charlotte's POV, set right after Annie is born. Hope you enjoy!**

Charlotte decides little sisters are severely overrated. Annie has been home for a week and aside from crying, does nothing but sleep. She sleeps, cries and needs her diaper changed and everyone acts like she's done something incredible just by lying there. They're calling her smart! Did they call Charlotte smart when she recited The Jabberwocky poem? No! They just told her not to wake her sister!

They are settling down for dinner. Rory is feeding Annie as they sit down, giving her older children an absent smile. It looked weird the first time Charlotte saw her mother feed her sister, but she's used to it now. _It's how I fed you_, her mother had told her. _And your brother_. Annie lifts her head and Rory uses her spare hand to awkwardly button her shirt until Jess goes over, lifting his younger daughter up and winding her.

"There we go," he says, kissing her cheek. "There's my smart girl."

Charlotte takes a grumpy gulp from her glass. Until Annie came home, she was her father's smart girl. She was the only girl, period, and is annoyed as Jess smiles at her and says, "How's my big girl?"

"Okay," Charlotte shrugs. She doesn't like this amendment, being the big girl, but hasn't said so and no one has asked. Her parents had teased her a little over when Richie was born and Charlotte had demanded that he be taken back, and remarked that she must be thrilled to have a sister this time around. _You're my big girl_, Jess had said. _Not going to smash a bowl this time, right?_ Charlotte had smiled but has secretly harboured a desire to do so since her sister's first morning home. Not that anyone cares what she thinks. It was bad enough that Annie was born the day after Charlotte's birthday and nothing has improved since. Richie doesn't seem to mind that he has a new sibling. He's only five but when Charlotte asked if he got mad at Annie crying all night he'd just said she was okay. He likes to drop toys in Annie's bassinet, despite the fact that she can't even sit up yet. Jess and Rory keep lifting them out again, saying she's too small, but Richie isn't deterred. Charlotte seems to be alone in her uneasiness.

Jess piles food onto Charlotte's and Richie's plates, letting out a loud yawn. He was up most of last night and had to go to work today.

"Practically fell asleep on the boxes," he chuckles. "How was school?"

"Okay," Charlotte says and Jess grins.

"Anything to add to that?" he asks but they are interrupted by Richie delving into a long ramble about his morning at Kindergarten and painting butterflies. It's punctuated with a lot of pauses and Richie requesting a butterfly as a pet, but Charlotte doesn't get frustrated. She doesn't feel too much like talking. Rory gets up to put Annie down and no sooner has she returned Annie starts crying.

"Oh boy," Rory says, voice thick with exhaustion. "Or girl, even. I bet she needs a new diaper."

"On it," Jess says. He gets up and Rory rests her head in her hand.

"Hey guys," she says sleepily. "Did you have a fun day?"

"Mommy, can we have fun this weekend?" Charlotte asks just as Richie starts his butterfly story again. Rory nods, not indicating to whom, her eyes fluttering shut. Charlotte waits but then sees that her mother has fallen asleep. She stares, disappointed, and then Jess comes back in.

"Finish your food before it gets cold," he says, nodding at their plates. Neglecting his own, he sits by Rory, softly touching her hair. Rory wakes up, emitting a sound of surprise, and says sheepishly, "I fell asleep?"

"Out for the count."

Rory picks up her fork and finishes the rest of her food before yawning loudly.

"I think I'll go lie down."

Jess waits for Charlotte and Richie to finish their dinner, asking Charlotte if she has any homework.

"I did it before dinner," Charlotte says truthfully and he nods. Usually he'd add _smart girl _but today Jess picks up their plates and says they can watch television for a little while before going to bed.

"What about dessert?" Richie asks after Jess doesn't come back. "Charlotte! Daddy forgot dessert!"

"Get used to it," Charlotte tells him. Richie bites his lower lip but cheers up once Charlotte puts on a cartoon for him. Charlotte watches with him for a little while before wandering upstairs. She peeks around her parents' bedroom door to see them stretched out on the bed, fast asleep, along with Annie in her bassinet. She stirs, opening her blue eyes and stares at her sister. She has a locket to match Charlotte's but inside is a picture of Jess. Charlotte's holds pictures of Rory and Lorelai instead and she liked it until she saw her sister's. Charlotte makes a face at her and Annie starts crying, breaking their parents' slumber. Charlotte makes a guilty retreat, as though her sister is old enough to tattle.

At school the next day the teacher announces a show for the end of summer. Every student will recite or sing something to round off the year.

"I hope all your parents can come," the teacher says and Charlotte bounces a little in her seat. She wants Rory to be there, hopefully minus Annie. Then maybe they can get a sundae, like they used to before Rory got too pregnant to do anything.

The class gets ready for recess and Ivy, Charlotte's best friend, asks, "What are you going to do for the show?"

"I don't know yet," Charlotte says, though an idea is forming in her mind. "What about you?"

"I don't know," Ivy echoes. "I'm kind of nervous about going onstage."

The girls get up to join the crowd forming at the door and Ivy asks, "Are you still coming over after school?"

"Sure."

"It's too bad I can't go to your place," Ivy says wistfully. "I want to play with Annie."

"She's totally boring."

"She's cute!"

"No, boring," Charlotte says firmly. She's glad Ivy isn't coming to her place - it's bad enough when all the adults come and coo at Annie.

"I wish I had a baby sister."

"She's too little to do anything."

Ivy's mom picks them up after school, instantly asking Charlotte all about her sister. The questions last all the way to Ivy's house, and upon arrival the girls scarf down the snack out for them and run upstairs to play. Charlotte begins to cheer up a little, pawing through Ivy's dressing up box. Not having to play quietly is already brightening her mood. After dressing up as queens, having a raging battle followed by dinner and dessert, Charlotte is beaming by the time she has to go. Ivy's mom opens the door and gasps, "Oh, you brought the baby!"

Charlotte's mood instantly drops as she sees her father holding Annie.

"Yeah," he tells Ivy's mother. "She wasn't settling and I figured a car ride might do the trick. Seemed to work."

Charlotte starts throwing things into her bookbag. She'd lingered over getting ready to go, having had such a good afternoon, but now she's ready to leave. Ivy is at her mother's side, jumping up and down in eagerness, and Ivy's mom is allowed to briefly hold Annie. It's just like when everyone goes to their house.

"Daddy," Charlotte says but Jess doesn't look up. "I'm ready." After nobody acknowledges this Charlotte goes to the bathroom and, to her disappointment, Jess and Ivy's mother are still discussing Annie when she gets back.

"She's beautiful," Ivy's mom says fondly and Jess grins.

"No argument."

"You must be so happy, having a girl," Ivy's mom adds and Jess smiles.

"Well, I already have one. But it's amazing having another."

"Oh, I know - but your _own_ girl," Ivy's mother says, dropping her voice. Jess gives a non-committal cough and then Annie starts crying, to Charlotte's relief.

"We'd better go," Jess says briskly, looking up to see his daughter by the bathroom door. "Charlotte, you ready?"

"Yes, Daddy."

Annie cries all the way back to the car but settles once they're in motion. Jess glances back to where Charlotte is buckled up and asks, "Did you have a good time?"

"Yes," Charlotte says. Her bubbling happiness has burst to a wisp. "It was fun."

"Good. I'm glad."

Once the car is parked Annie starts howling again. Jess lifts her out of the carseat, a tired expression on his face, and once the front door is open asks Charlotte, "Can you be a big girl and start getting ready for bed?"

"Okay."

Charlotte waits for him to give her a kiss but he takes Annie straight into the kitchen, kissing her cheeks instead.

"There's my girl," Charlotte hears Jess say to her. "Here we go. Daddy's here."

Charlotte deliberately stamps upstairs and slams the door but no one tells her off. She is mad all over. In the corner of her bedrooms sits a bright pink dressing table. Charlotte hates it but it was a birthday present from Logan, in London, and Logan is her sort-of other father. He is her father but Jess is her dad. That's what Rory said. Charlotte sees Logan a few times a year and talks to him on the phone maybe once a month. He just sends her stuff which her mother says is too expensive. Charlotte usually doesn't think too much about it but now it makes her mad. Annie is Jess's real girl. They said Annie was a surprise, just like she was, but Charlotte knows it's different. She picks up the stupid unicorn hairbrush which came with the dresser and hurls it against the wall. It makes a loud sound and Charlotte waits for one of her parents to come and tell her off. Neither of them do. Charlotte waits and waits but no one comes, to tell her off or to tell her goodnight, and finally Charlotte switches off the light and crawls into bed. She normally gets a bedtime story from one of her parent but tonight neither remember.

After school the next day Charlotte tells Rory all about the show.

"I'm going to recite a poem," she says proudly and Rory nods absently.

"That's great, sweets. Have you chosen one?"

"The Jabberwocky."

"That's sort of long," Rory says, looking up. "I bet there's a shorter one you could recite."

"No! I want to do that one!"

"Okay, okay. Just ask your teacher if she's good with it."

Charlotte nods and says, "You'll come see me, right, Mommy?"

"I'll try," Rory says after a short pause and Charlotte pouts.

"I want you to come."

"I'll try my best," Rory says, giving her a kiss. "I promise."

Charlotte spends the weekend at Lorelai's house. They arrived late on Friday night, going almost straight to sleep, but after a large breakfast and walk to the diner and back it feels like a real visit. Charlotte and Lorelai are alone in the house, which feels strange and special. Everyone is still admiring Annie at Luke's, and Richie was busy playing with some neighbourhood kids outside, so Lorelai and Charlotte walked back alone. They've been practising the poem and Lorelai lets out a contented sigh.

"Word perfect. You'll knock it out of the park, kiddo."

"Is that good?" Charlotte asks and her grandmother laughs loudly, pulling Charlotte onto her lap and giving her a kiss.

"It means you'll do great. You're a Gilmore, of course you will. You know, when I was a kid, I used to recite that poem at my parents' dinner parties. I was always nervous I'd miss a line."

She runs her hands through Charlotte's hair and Charlotte leans into Lorelai's arms, enjoying the rare quiet. Her grandmother looks at her and her smile is a little teary.

"What's wrong?" Charlotte asks, alarmed and Lorelai shakes her head.

"Nothing...you just look so much like your mom. I could swear I was looking at Rory again."

Charlotte smiles and Lorelai lifts her onto the couch, getting up and finding a picture. The girl in the frame looks an awful lot like Charlotte.

"There's Rory," Lorelai says. "She could be your twin. It doesn't even feel so long ago that she was your age."

That seems impossible to Charlotte. It feels like forever ago that she was in Kindergarten, when she was five, and her mom was her age more than thirty years ago. That number might as well be a hundred to Charlotte. She nestles back into Lorelai's arm and says, "I want Mommy to come to the show."

"Have you asked her?"

"She promised to try."

"Hon, she's very busy," Lorelai says gently. "She's looking after your little sister. Annie's brand new!"

Charlotte stiffens slightly and Lorelai asks softly, "Do you like having a sister around?"

Charlotte shrugs and Lorelai says, "She'll be more fun when she's older. Well, I don't have a sister but that's what I hear. Anyway, a new girl in the family is pretty great, right? We always need more girls."

Lorelai's voice is light but Charlotte feels gloomy all over again. Of course they wanted another girl.

"Nana, I was a surprise, right?"

"Yes," Lorelai says, sounding confused at the change of subject. "You were."

"Was Mommy happy?"

"You were the best surprise," Lorelai says. "Your mommy was so happy when you were born."

Charlotte nods but she holds back her other questions; if she was such a good surprise why does her other father live away from her? Was Rory happy when she knew she'd have a baby? Instead, she looks back down at the photo of her mother, silently wondering how the girl in it became a grown-up. The door opens, shattering the peace, and Lorelai runs over to Rory, who is carrying Annie. Jess helps Richie take off his sneakers and then goes to sit by Charlotte.

"How's the show prep going?"

"Good," Charlotte says. "Nana said I'm going to knock it out the park."

That makes Jess laugh. He ruffles Charlotte's hair and says, "That's my big girl."

Before Charlotte can say anything else Rory goes over to them and Jess grins at the baby.

"And there's my little girl," he says, kissing the top of Annie's head. "How's she doing?"

"Fine, but I think she's tired from all the attention."

"I'll go put her down," Jess says, taking Annie from Rory's arms. "There we go."

Lorelai comes back over with a cup of coffee for her and Rory and grins at Jess who is singing some Bowie under his breath.

"I never thought I'd see Jess dote like that. Until he had kids I didn't think it was possible."

"He's so in love with her," Rory says, taking a cup. "When Annie's asleep he just wants to sit by her bassinet to make sure she's okay."

"Well, she is his little girl."

Silently, Charlotte gets up to get a glass of water. She wonders if her father ever sat like that with her.

On Sunday Jess takes Richie and Charlotte to the icecream parlour. After tolerating some talk from Taylor Jess gets three sundaes, letting out a loud groan as Taylor disappears into the back.

"What is it, Daddy?"

"Nothing...just have the incredible urge to draw a chalk outline outside."

"Huh?"

"Forget it. Hey, eat your icecream before it melts."

Charlotte digs in. She has her own special sundae called the Princess Charlotte, concocted when she was born. Charlotte loves going to Taylor's for this reason - he always calls her royal and gives her free icecream, which is apparently unheard of. The three of them settle in a booth, Jess between Richie and Charlotte. He takes a spoonful of sundae and smiles at them.

"I know it's been a little crazy lately," he says. "How are you finding your sister?"

"She's okay," Richie says cheerfully. "I wish she pooped less though."

Jess laughs loudly, nodding. "I think we all do, bud."

"She's too loud," Charlotte says and Jess laughs again, making her frown.

"Charlotte, she's a baby, and she's actually pretty quiet, considering. Compared to you anyhow. You cried twice as long and loud as Annie!"

"I did?"

"Yup. You were trying out for The Clash," Jess teases but Charlotte doesn't smile. So she was a worse baby too. Suddenly, she doesn't want the rest of her icecream, but eats small spoonfuls all the same, watching the vanilla and chocolate melt into each other. Richie is slurping his down and says, "Daddy, we can go play in the park?"

There's no answer. Charlotte and Richie look up to see Jess has fallen fast asleep on the table, snoring slightly. His children giggle, piling packets of sugar on top of his head, until Luke comes in from next door. He raises his eyebrows at his grandchildren but smiles as he asks, "What's going on here?"

"Daddy fell asleep!" Richie shouts and Luke nods.

"So I see. What's all this?" Luke asks, gesturing at the sugar packets, and Charlotte says, "A prank."

"Uh huh. You're certainly Jess's children."

Richie grins but Charlotte feels a tightness in her chest, thinking of Annie being Jess's girl. She plays with her straw and Luke nudges her elbow. "Loosen up on the pranks, okay? He's pretty tired. I'm going to wake your dad."

Charlotte gets up so her grandfather can sit down beside Jess. She watches as Luke gently touches his nephew's arm. Jess sits up, blinking, sending the sugar packets flying, but Charlotte doesn't laugh. She feels a little bad.

"Hey," Luke says. "You were taking a nap."

"Jeez," Jess groans. "Was I out for long?"

"I don't think so. Jess, why don't you go back to Lorelai's and take a real one? I'll watch these two."

"You good with that?" Jess asks Charlotte and Richie. Charlotte nods, although a knot of sadness is forming in her stomach. She was excited to spend the afternoon with her father. They go next door to the diner where Luke makes them each a cheeseburger and entertains them with stories of pranks Jess did as a teenager.

"Daddy did that?" Richie asks, mouth hanging open and Luke nods.

"Pushed him in a lake once. If you two get like that as teenagers I say it's karma."

"What's karma?" Charlotte asks and Luke says, "Stuff happening to you which you did to other people, pretty much. And I'd say I got some karma with Jess."

Charlotte and Richie beg Luke to tell them what pranks he pulled, and their grandfather entertains them with a couple of stories before some customers come in. Charlotte turns the word over in her mind. _Karma_. She's not sure if she likes it.

The following Friday is the show. Rory comes in to kiss Charlotte goodnight on Thursday and, after finishing a chapter of her bedtime story, Charlotte reminds her, "Mommy, tomorrow's the show."

"I know, sweets."

"You're going to come, right?"

"I'll try my best."

"Please," Charlotte begs and Rory smiles, tucking a strand of hair behind her daughter's ear.

"I promise. You want to run through the poem one more time?"

Charlotte easily recites it and Rory says proudly, "You've got it. You're going to be perfect. Goodnight, angel."

Charlotte returns her kiss, snuggling down under the covers as her mother switches out the light. In the morning she anxiously watches the clock, earning a comment from the teacher to focus on her work. The show is at lunchtime. After some hasty sandwiches the children are taken to the gym, where they gather on the small stage. Charlotte is wearing her smartest blue dress and there is a blue ribbon in her hair. She has to severely resist the urge to pull it. The teacher quietly reminds them of the schedule and the order they're in, and makes them promise not to peek through the stage curtain. Charlotte is third up. She tenses as the teacher announces, "Next up we have Charlotte Gilmore reading The Jabberwocky from Alice in Wonderland."

Charlotte hears the applause before she walks onto the stage. Eagerly she scans the small crowd and then her heart drops. Lorelai and Jess are smiling at her but her mother is nowhere to be seen. Charlotte stares, speechless, until the teacher gently prompts her. Charlotte blinks, takes a deep breath and starts, "'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves..."

Her breath hitches on the next line. Lorelai tries to mouth them to her and Charlotte starts to get them but can't help hesitating. Jess is smiling at her and Charlotte wants to get it right, wants him to tell her how smart she is. She had it last night but now she can't remember any of the poem. The blue of the ribbon is the corner of Charlotte's eye and nervously she begins to tug it at it until suddenly it's loose in her hand. Charlotte hears a giggle from the back of the room and, to her horror, can feel herself begin to cry. Turning on her heel and dropping the ribbon, Charlotte runs off the stage, ignoring her father and grandmother starting to get up in concern, past the teacher and out to the back of the building where she sobs and sobs into her arms. Charlotte cries until there's a hand on her shoulder and her father saying, "Hey. It's okay."

"Go away," Charlotte cries. "I want Mommy."

"I won't take that personally," Jess says. "Come on. Nana's waiting."

"I don't care," Charlotte sobs. "Leave me alone."

"Charlotte."

"No!"

Charlotte hears her father sigh and reluctantly she looks up to see him beside her and her grandmother standing nearby. Lorelai comes closer and says gently, "It was just a dumb school show. You know how many times I missed a line at those dinner parties? A lot!"

Charlotte can't stop crying. "I don't want you. I want Mommy."

"Your grandmother drove all the way here to see your show," Jess says angrily. "I know you're upset but you're making her feel bad. Say you're sorry."

"I don't want to!"

"Jess, it's okay," Lorelai says but Jess shakes his head.

"No, it's not. You came all the way here. Charlotte, your mother is going to be very disappointed with what you said to your grandmother."

Charlotte cries all the way to the car. _Disappointed_. She bets her parents were always disappointed with her until getting their real daughter. Lorelai hugs her, telling her she understands and she isn't mad but Charlotte can't talk. Angrily, she climbs in the back of the car and when they get home Jess puts his hands on Charlotte's shoulders.

"Look at me. I know you're mad about your show, but you can't take it out on your grandmother. You don't always get what you want."

"It's not fair," Charlotte sobs and, pushing past her father she runs into the house and almost directly into Rory who's walking around the hall with Annie in her arms.

"What is it?" Rory asks, alarmed. "What happened?"

"You promised!" Charlotte howls. "You promised you'd come!"

"I promised I'd try," Rory says, bending down to look at her. "Annie was up all morning and I couldn't get her to eat or sleep. She's only just got to sleep now. I'm sorry."

"I hate you!" Charlotte shouts, making her sister burst into tears. "And I hate her too!"

"Charlotte!"

Charlotte runs into her room, slamming the door and catches sight of herself in the mirror. Her dress has a patch of mud on it and there's a smear of dirt on her cheek from where she wiped her hand. Her hair is hanging over her face, free from its ribbon. She looks wild, cheeks red with fury. She picks up the music box Logan gave her once and flings it at the wall along with every piece of jewellery she knows came from him. Picking up the unicorn hairbrush, she starts slamming it on the pink dresser, drowning out the cries of her sister outside until suddenly her door flings open.

"Charlotte Lorelai Gilmore! Stop that right now!"

"No!"

Jess marches over, takes the hairbrush from her and says, "Sit down!"

The tone in his voice stops her and Charlotte sits on the bed. Jess takes a deep breath and says, "You're mad. That's okay, but it's not okay to throw a tantrum and act younger than your month-old sister. If you're mad, you talk about it. You don't throw things and tell people you hate them."

Charlotte folds her arms, unwilling to make up and Jess says more gently, "You're my big girl. Act like it."

Charlotte feels even more upset than before. Her eyes are starting to brim when she hears her mother say, "Can I come in?"

Rory walks in, looking upset. Annie is still crying a little but Rory gives her to Jess, who gently takes her and leaves Rory and Charlotte alone, softly closing the door. Rory asks, "Can I talk to you?" and Charlotte nods. Her mother comes and sits on the bed with her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"You promised."

"I promised to try," Rory corrects, looking into her daughter's eyes. "And I did try, Charlotte. But Annie needed me."

"It isn't fair!"

"Annie's still so tiny," Rory says gently. "She needs me there right now. Do you remember with Richie? It was like that with him, it was like that with you. It's not forever."

"I needed you there," Charlotte says and then big tears are falling down her cheeks. "I messed up the poem!"

Rory is exclaiming and then Charlotte is crying in her lap. None of it fair. It's not fair being the oldest, it's not fair having another father and it's not fair that she has a little sister she didn't ask for. Charlotte doesn't tell her mother this. She simply cries her heart out and Rory says, "I wanted to come. I almost brought Annie but I was afraid she'd cry, and then she finally got to sleep. I asked Mom to come for me instead."

"I wanted you," Charlotte says tearfully and Rory runs a hand through her hair.

"Do the poem for me now," she offers. "I'm right here."

Charlotte wipes her cheeks and goes to the middle of the room. Taking a wobbly breath she recites the poem, word-perfect. Rory applauds and then gives her a hug but it's not the same. They both know it. Still, Charlotte climbs back onto the bed and says, "I don't hate you, Mommy. Or Annie"

"I know you don't," Rory says gently. "You were just mad."

Charlotte sniffles. She guesses she loves her sister - she was excited when Annie held her hand in the hospital - but she's not crazy about her yet. Charlotte wishes everyone would stop saying how great she is. She wants to tell Rory but doesn't know how to.

"You want to hang out here a little longer?" Rory asks her. "Or how about some hot cocoa? I bet Mom would like some."

Lorelai is reading a magazine in the kitchen but she puts it down as Charlotte comes in.

"I'm sorry," Charlotte says sheepishly. "It was nice of you to come."

"Oh, it's okay," Lorelai says, giving her a hug. "I know what it's like to get mad. Here, I picked up your ribbon."

She hands it to Charlotte who tucks it in her pocket. Rory mentions the hot chocolate but they are out of milk. Lorelai picks her purse, saying it's on her, and heads out to the store. The house is suddenly quiet. Richie is at a friend's house and Jess comes back into the kitchen, Annie wailing in his arms.

"Speaking of milk, I think she's hungry," he tells Rory who sighs and takes her daughter into the living room. Charlotte and Jess look at each other and finally Charlotte says, "I'm sorry, Daddy."

"I know," Jess says gently and when Charlotte puts her arms around him he lifts her up, like she's little again and kisses her cheek. "But thank you for telling me."

Charlotte hugs him tightly and smiles when he says, "There's my girl."

Depositing Charlotte on the stool by the counter, Jess leans against it and says, "Did you know I threw up on stage once?"

"What?"

"Nasty, right? I was supposed to a sheep in a play of - damn, I don't remember. All I remember is that I had one line, _baa_, and I was so scared I lost my lunch. Pretty gross, huh?"

"Was your mommy there?"

"No," Jess says. He sounds sad and shakes his head when Charlotte asks if his dad had come.

"I didn't have one," he says. Charlotte bites her lip but Jess smiles, saying it's okay. Charlotte is sorry no one was there for his play.

"I wish I hadn't messed up my poem," Charlotte says in a small voice. "I wish Mommy had come."

"There'll be other plays," Jess says gently. "And your mom can come to some. It's okay."

Charlotte nods and Jess picks up a deck of cards resting on the counter. Flicking through, he asks, "Want to see something cool?"

He hands Charlotte a card without looking at it and then picks out the exact same one. Charlotte stares, eyes wide, and asks, "How'd you do that?"

"Magic. I learned when I wasn't much older than you. I can teach you."

"You can?"

"Absolutely. And then you can teach Richie and Annie, when they're older."

"You wouldn't teach them?"

"It's cooler coming from their big sister. They'll want to learn from you, not their dad."

Charlotte considers this and Jess adds, "You're going to learn everything first. That's kind of cool, right? Plus now you have a sister. You can teach her girl stuff."

"What's girl stuff?"

"I don't know, I'm not a girl," Jess says and Charlotte laughs. She laughs until Jess looks kind of embarrassed and he said, "You just don't seem that thrilled to have her here. You said you hated her."

Charlotte shrugs and says, "I don't really hate her. It's just...she's always here."

"She's a baby," Jess says. "Just like you were, even though it's crazy to think that was eight whole years ago. I sang lullabies to you until my throat went numb and sat up all night with you too. But I didn't mind - I was getting to know my girl. And I felt like I knew you already."

"Was I..."

"What?" Jess asks and Charlotte looks down. She wants to ask if she was a happy surprise but settles on, "Were you happy when I was born?"

"Charlotte," Jess says, taking her hand. "I was the happiest I've ever been in my life. It was the day I became your dad."

Charlotte smiles at that and nods when Jess asks if she wants to see another card trick. Maybe he didn't need another daughter. Maybe she was always his after all. Jess teaches Charlotte a trick and when she's able to replicate it, proudly says, "Smart girl." Charlotte beams. Messing up the poem doesn't seem to matter now.

That night, Rory tucks Charlotte into bed with a story and goodnight kiss. Her mother is about to turn off the light when Charlotte asks, "Is it going to be fun having a sister?"

"I might not be the best person to ask," Rory says honestly, sitting back down on the bed. "Seeing as how I didn't get a little sister until I was eighteen. But I think it can be a lot of fun. I was always sad I wasn't closer to Gigi."

"Dad said I can teach Annie girl stuff," Charlotte says and, just like she did, Rory bursts into laughter. Once she's stopped she says, "I guess that's true."

"Like what?"

"Like...you can help teach Annie be a Gilmore. She's part of a long line of us women, and there's a lot of rules." Rory sounds serious and Charlotte asks solemnly, "Like what?"

"No running with scissors. No pageboy haircuts. Never have lunch alone with Emily."

"What?"

"Forget the last one," Rory says guiltily. She stretches out on the bed with Charlotte and says, "You can teach her all sorts of things. School, coffee, family dinner fights, movie night rules...maybe you can help her get ready for a date when she's a teenager. Although that's sort of far off. Maybe forget that one for now too."

"I can teach her how to make a necklace out of gum wrappers," Charlotte says and Rory laughs, nodding.

"Good one." She runs her fingers through her daughter's hair and says, "Charlotte, you just have to be there for Annie, like you are with Richie. I know you will be."

"I don't know if I like Annie," Charlotte confesses in a small voice and Rory squeezes her hand.

"It's okay not to like her all the time. It's a big change, I know. Sort of scary."

It helps to hear her mother say it. Charlotte lies silently with Rory for a moment and then asks, "Was it scary when I was born?"

"A little," Rory says. "But I was so happy, Charlotte. I had my girl."

"Were you happy Annie was a girl?"

"Of course," Rory says. "Because I knew how awesome it was to have a daughter already."

Charlotte smiles and nods when her mother says it's time for sleep. She twists the chain of her locket, thinking of the pictures of her mother and grandmother inside. There are a long line of Gilmore women and Charlotte's proud to be part of it. She belongs.


	5. Chapter 5

**A chapter from Richie's POV this time! Enjoy!**

Richie stretches, staring at the alarm clock. Five minutes before he has to get up for school, and that's not including the time he needs factoring in for his sisters getting ready. There's one bathroom for them all and the morning is always crazy. Richie shuts off the alarm before it starts blaring, turning off the extra one on his phone, and lays back in bed. He hears his family begin to move around but enjoys the relative peace for a little longer before forcing himself up, by which time he's five minutes late.

"Coming through!"

Richie jumps as Annie yells, speeding past him and almost knocking into Charlotte who's wrapped in a bath towel.

"Hey, I'm going in there!"

"I need to pee!" Annie wails, slipping past her and slamming the door shut. Charlotte lets out a yelp of of frustration before stalking back to her bedroom. Richie doesn't want to imagine her reaction if he goes in before her when Annie comes out. Instead, he selects some jeans and a shirt for the day before ambling to the kitchen to make breakfast.

"Morning, son." Jess nods over the paper he and Rory are reading. "How'd you sleep?"

"Fine."

Richie reaches for a section and his mother bats his hand away.

"Nope, breakfast before books. Or papers."

"But -"

"You can read while you eat," she says placidly and, sighing, Richie gets up and slots two pieces of bread in the toaster. As he waits Richie hears the bathroom door open and Charlotte groan loudly, "Finally!"

Richie exchanges smirks with his parents and, as the toast pops up, Annie comes in clamouring for orange juice. Jess pours her a glass and a bowl of cereal, despite Annie being nine years old, and Richie takes bites of toast while trying to read the paper at the same time, spraying crumbs on it.

"Do not get butter on the lit section," Rory warns him and Richie protests, "I'm not!", sending another shower of crumbs flying. Rory takes it away, before further damage can be done, and Jess says, "You're going to be late if you don't get ready anyhow."

Like that's such a terrible thing, Richie thinks sourly. As he trudges upstairs he hears the shower stop but Charlotte doesn't emerge. He hears the faucet turn on and off and on again and as he groans, "What are you doing?" his sister shouts, "Trying to have some peace!"

Rolling his eyes, Richie heads back to his bedroom to get dressed. By the time he's pulled his socks on the bathroom is free and Richie hurriedly brushes his teeth and splashes water over his face. There's no time to shower - he'll have to do it after school. He hears Rory calling for him to hurry and Richie manages to get a sluice of water all done his front as he steps away from the sink. Sighing, he grabs his backpack from the bedroom and runs down to the front door where Annie and Charlotte are waiting.

"You took ages," Charlotte complains and rolls her eyes when Richie retorts, "Whose fault is that?"

"Guys, save the chitchat for the car," Rory interrupts, looking frazzled. "Come on, let's go!"

"Mommy, I can't find my shoes!" Annie exclaims and, as she locates them, Rory remarks, "Shoes? In my day we walked fifty miles in the snow just to get to our shoes!"

Five minutes later they are packed in the car. Rory drives to the high school first, where Charlotte is a junior and Richie is in his freshman year.

"Have a great day," Rory says, giving her son and daughter a kiss under some duress. "Look after your brother, Charlotte."

She speeds off to get Annie to her school before Richie can protest that statement. He looks over at Charlotte and says, "Forget that."

"Already forgotten," Charlotte assures him. She shifts her backpack strap and says, "I guess I'll see you later. Have fun, or whatever."

"Right," Richie says sarcastically. He watches as she disappears into the crowd on the steps and waits before following the rest in. The first bell goes and Richie keeps his head down, finding his way to Homeroom. He gets there just before the second bell and sighs as he sits down. Richie is a month into high school and can't say he loves it. He's never been that crazy about school in general but this seems more intense. He keeps getting told off for daydreaming.

The day slowly passes by. At lunchtime a girl with curly red hair puts her tray down on Richie's table and asks brightly, "Can I sit here?"

"Um, okay." Richie moves over a little and looks at the girl over the edge of his book. Her name is Mary - _no, Maria - no, Mary_ \- and Richie tries to get back to his book as Mary/Maria sits down and lifts her sandwich. Instead of eating, she says, "How are you finding calculus?"

Richie shrugs. Honestly, it's so boring he could cry, but he doesn't want to get into conversation. He wants to finish his sentence. Mary/Maria seems oblivious to this as she chatters on, pausing to smile at him here and there, and finally a girl on the table across from them calls, "Maddie! We're going to be late!"

"Coming!" Maddie - _that_ was her name - calls back. Richie notices that she only took one bite of her lunch. She looks at Richie and says, "See you in class."

"Sure."

Maddie gives him one last grin before loping off with her friends. Richie finally gets back to his book and, just as he finds his place, the bell rings. Fantastic.

The rest of the day is fairly non-descript. Rory picks Richie and Charlotte up and talks about some new article she's working on. Rory practically gets a new article every day, it seems. Richie zones out a little and goes to his room once they're back. He'd halfheartedly planned on doing his homework but after reading part of the textbook and typing a sentence of his essay Richie finds himself reading his novel. Finding where he got up to at lunchtime, he read blissfully until Jess calls three times to tell him dinner is ready.

Dinner is mostly taken up by Annie talking about her day. She chatters enough for Charlotte and Richie combined. She takes a break to gulp some water and Rory turns to her older kids.

"How about you guys?"

Charlotte talks about the amount of work she has already. Teachers are already getting started on preparing for college and Charlotte complains about that a little, stabbing her fork into a potato. Conversation turns to that for the rest of the meal until they start dessert. Rory hands Richie his plate and says, "How about you?"

Richie shrugs, taking a bite of cake. "It was okay."

"Anything to add to that?" Jess asks. Richie shrugs again. If Annie is the most talkative, he is the most quiet. Lorelai, his grandmother, nicknamed him Cool Dude when he was born. Richie is fine being quiet. He has his books, his friends and the movie theatre. That's fine. Jess described Richie once as _floating through_, and Richie didn't know if it was a compliment or not.

"How's high school?" Rory asks gently. "How are you finding it?"

"Loud," Richie says honestly and Jess nods.

"Sounds about right."

"But is it okay?" Rory asks anxiously and Richie nods with a sigh.

"It's fine, Mom."

He finishes his cake with no more questions. Annie interrupts to talk about some new show she wants to see and Charlotte goes to do her homework. Richie slips away with a cup of coffee with the intention of doing the same. The work isn't hard, he guesses, just dull. The only way he gets it done is by putting the book on the other side of the room. Impatiently, Richie rushes through before reading until Rory knocks on the door to tell him to go to sleep.

The rest of the week goes by in a similar fashion. Maddie sits by him a couple more times and Richie can't figure out what it is she wants. Can't she see he's trying to read? On Friday they all pile into the car to go to Lorelai's house. In the past, Richie and Annie would pass the time by playing car games but it seems kind of dumb now. Annie looks a little hurt when Richie tells her he doesn't want to play, giving him a dose of guilt, but it goes away as he puts his headphones on. He listens to music all the way there, getting a blissful kind of space, at least until Annie spills her drink in his lap. Lorelai is waiting on the porch for them and runs out to meet them, hugging each of them as tightly as she can, and laughing as Rory races inside for the coffeepot. Richie never liked coffee until this year but he's starting to get a taste for it and, upon first telling his mother he enjoyed it, Rory's eyes filled up and she said, "Now you're really growing up!"

They enjoy the coffee, Annie a cup of cocoa, and a slice of Luke's chocolate cake before going over to the diner. Luke still likes to keep an eye on things, despite not being able to walk around as fast anymore. He stills enjoys shouting at people for using their cellphones, however, and Lorelai remarked that she's positive it was her husband who caused the power outage a few weeks ago to prevent people charging their devices. Luke serves them a cheeseburger each and complains about the toaster being broken.

"I'll take a look at it," Jess says, getting up and ignoring his uncle saying, "Jess, the circuit's completely shot."

Richie watches his dad tinker with a little, test it and say proudly, "Fixed."

"What? How'd you do that?"

"Oh, easy..."

Jess rattles off some terms Richie doesn't know but Luke nods, sighing. They're both pretty good at fixing appliances and Lorelai isn't half-bad either, but Richie is hopeless. Jess tried to show him how to dismantle their toaster and put it back together, but Richie put it back together wrong - so wrong that Jess had to work it at for two hours. He showed Charlotte and Annie too. Charlotte picked it up fairly quickly and Annie took longer, but she was still better than her brother. Richie tries not to let the fact that a nine-year-old is more adept than him rankle too much. His thoughts are interrupted by Babette and Miss Patty coming in, exclaiming over how big he, Charlotte and Annie have got and Richie resigns himself to having his cheeks pinched. When they get back Lorelai puts on an old movie and hands out several bags of snacks. Jess stayed at the diner to help so Lorelai says, "Gilmore girls only. And one Gilmore guy."

"Honorary Gilmore girl," Rory teases and Richie rolls his eyes. "Mom, come on."

"You say it like it's a bad thing," Lorelai scolds. "Hush, child, before we throw you out of the clubhouse!"

Lorelai had Rory when she was sixteen and Rory is always talking about how they were best friends growing up. Charlotte has some creep for a father named Logan, and her surname is Gilmore, like Rory's, but Richie's and Annie's is Mariano. Rory says they're still Gilmores by blood though so the name being different is no big deal. They're expected to follow Lorelai's Movie Night Rules to the letter. Lorelai always winds it up by saying 'Gilmore Girls only and one exception'. When he was a kid his mother and grandmother would give him a kiss as they said it but now they only do so to embarrass him and, to his relief, refrain today.

After the movie over Annie passes out in a sugar coma. Rory picks her up and takes her to her old bedroom to nap and Charlotte goes to the bathroom (no one is allowed to stop the movie for that). While she's gone Lorelai looks over at Richie.

"How's it going, Cool Dude?"

"It's okay."

"Yeah? How's high school."

Richie shrugs and Lorelai says, "That bad, huh?"

Richie shrugs again . "Kind of boring."

"And you'd rather be casing the joint?"

"I'd rather be reading."

"I wonder where you get that from," Lorelai teases, nodding at Rory who's come back in and says, "Hey, I liked school. Jess is the one to blame."

"I would say blame me but I was never into the book thing," Lorelai remarks. "The fabulous flair you got from me."

"I remember that every time I look in the mirror."

"There's some nice Jess sarcasm," Lorelai teases. "You've got the monosyllable thing going too now. Pull any pranks lately?"

"No..." Richie used to love pulling pranks. Nothing too heavy; sugar in the salt shaker here, a toy spider there, but the fun's gone out of it. He misses it but at the same time, it just feels kind of dumb. Richie takes a handful of popcorn and Lorelai presses, "Tell me something about your week. Anyone cute in your classes?"

Richie shakes his head but feels his cheeks go red. His mother and grandmother exchange looks and Richie closes his eyes as Rory says gleefully, "That's why you were so silent!"

"Mom, no. It's nothing - she's no one."

_"She?"_

"Just some girl from my math class. I don't even like her. She's decided to sit next to me every day in lunch and I don't know why."

Lorelai and Rory exchange another look and Richie exclaims, "What?"

"Hon, I think she has a crush on you," Lorelai says gently. "If she's sitting with you every day."

"Do you like her?" Rory asks and Richie says helplessly, "No! I don't know!"

"Well, it's okay," Rory says, giving his arm an awkward pat. "You're only fourteen."

Richie feels himself slowly die inside. How did he wind up getting into all this with his mother and grandmother? He remembers all the drama last year with Charlotte and that jerk, Tyler. Richie had vowed to never do something as dumb as date someone and he definitely doesn't want to date Maddie. He tucks his knees up into a tight ball on his chest until Charlotte comes back from the bathroom and, to Richie's relief, the subject is changed. He gets up so she can sit down and idly wanders around the room, looking at the pictures on the mantel. Amongst the embarrassing baby pictures are some of his great-grandparents. Emily is still alive but Richard, his namesake, died before Richie was born. Rory talks about close she was with him but he sounds kind of scary to Richie, and the portrait of him at his great-grandmother's house doesn't help. Richie imagines him, up in the afterlife, looking down at the boy named after him. _Look at everything I achieved_, Richie pictures him saying. _You can't focus on work, you can't fix a toaster and you don't even know when a girl is flirting with you! Pathetic._

The next day Richie goes out with Jess. They go to Stars Hollow Books, happily browsing the shelves for an hour or so, and get lunch at Luke's. Taylor is fighting with the Rabbi and Reverend over some new town policy and Jess laughs, shaking his head.

"I swear this place is frozen in time. I hated living here...there was stuff I missed, which I didn't think I would, but every time I come back here I remember why I couldn't stay."

"Was it just Mom you missed?" Richie asks shrewdly and Jess chuckles.

"Mostly, but not everything. Speaking of which...what's this about a girl in school?"

"Mom told you?" Richie exclaims. "Jeez, I can't believe her!"

"She didn't rat you out. I overheard her and Lorelai discussing it when I got back and made them fill me on the rest. So, Maddie, huh? Describe her."

"I don't know. She's got red hair and she's in my math class."

"That's it?"

"What else should I say?"

"Never mind," Jess says, holding up his hands. "So...do you like her?"

Richie shrugs and angrily eats a fry. "I don't know. Am I supposed to like her?"

"Richie, you're not _supposed_ to like anyone," Jess says gently. "That's not how it works...it's okay if you like someone and it's okay if you don't."

Richie shrugs and his father says, "Hey, you don't have to have a definitive answer. You're only fourteen - kind of young to worry about the whole dating thing."

"Dating thing?" Richie can feel his palms start to sweat and Jess says, "Like I said, you don't need to worry about that."

"What if I screw it up?" Richie blurts out without thinking, louder than intended. Taylor's, the Rabbi's and the Reverend's heads turn and Jess coughs, hiding his face in his cup for a moment.

"Richie. The only thing you need to worry about is to be decent with her...respect what she wants. And don't do things you aren't ready for...man, that's a whole separate talk."

"Dad, please don't talk about this with me," Richie begs. "I know about this stuff."

"It's just a talk - your sister and I survived it."

"Dad, I don't want to date Maddie!" Richie exclaims. He knows his voice is loud again but is so desperate to avoid a talk he doesn't care. "I don't even know if I like her!"

"Okay, okay," Jess says, putting his hand on his son's arm. "I believe you. I'm just saying that if you want to talk, I'm here. About anything. It doesn't have to be that."

"I know," Richie promises. His cheeks are burning hotter than his cup of coffee. Silently, they finish lunch and walk slowly back to the house.

The following Monday finds Maddie sitting next to Richie again. She talks and talks and finally Richie puts down his book and says, "You want to go outside?"

"Sure," Maddie says. She sounds excited, biting her lip, and follows Richie outside. Once they're away from the gaggle of students he asks directly, "Do you like me?"

Maddie starts giggling. She giggles so much she can't answer and Richie starts getting annoyed.

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"You're cute," Maddie says eventually. She gets over her giggles and looks as nervous as Richie felt discussing it with Jess. She examines him and asks, "Do you like me?"

"I don't know," Richie says honestly. Her eyes widen and then she says, "Oh."

Her voice is sad and she starts to turn away. Richie stares at her and says desperately, "I might like you."

What the hell does he know? The guys Richie hangs out with are already talking about girlfriends. Some of them have already had a first kiss. It seems crazy to Richie that last year they were into comic books and thought girls smelled and now they're all competing to date faster. Is he the weird one? Maybe he'll know if he likes Maddie once he kisses her.

"Really?" Maddie asks, turning back and brightening up and Richie nods.

"Yeah. Maybe we should kiss or something."

"Okay..."

They step closer to each other and Maddie puts her hands on Richie's shoulders. Her nose is almost brushing his. Richie swallows, awkwardly putting his hands on her back and mashes his mouth against hers. What is it you're supposed to do with your tongue? He brushes it against hers but suddenly Maddie backs away, wrinkling her nose.

"Your mouth tastes funny."

"I had chips and soda,"Richie explains and then, without warning, emits a loud burp.

"Ew!" Maddie screams. She shields her face too late and runs back into the building, calling, "Richie Mariano belched right in my face!"

"Sorry!" Richie thinks to call back but Maddie's gone then. He guesses it doesn't matter not knowing if he likes her - she definitely doesn't like him. Slowly, he walks into the school and braces himself for the rest of the day. The clock has never moved so slowly. Even leaving isn't that much of a relief. Richie doesn't want to discuss his day with his parents. They get frustrated, saying they want something more than a one-word answer, and after dinner Richie says he wants to go over some study notes with a guy from school.

"We have a test in a few weeks," he fabricates. "Can I head over for an hour?"

Rory and Jess dubiously agree. Promising to be back by nine, Richie hitches his backpack onto his shoulder and heads out. He walks aimlessly around the park for a while, watching the sun set on the water. He'd spend hours here as a kid, playing with his sisters, Charlotte before she got too old and then Annie once she stopped being a baby. Annie is still young enough to find it fun but Richie's too old and miserably he throws a stone in the water. He doesn't usually mind being the middle kid. He's always done his own thing and let his sisters do theirs. Sometimes they deliberately annoy each other but Charlotte and Annie are okay, as far as siblings go. But right now Richie wishes he wasn't between the youngest and oldest. This whole year has sucked. He's too old to play with toys but too young to be a teenager. Or maybe he just sucks at it. Richie throws stone after stone in the water and then looks up to see it's got dark but, instead of going home, he finds himself going over to the public library. It's closed but Richie knows where a loose window is and he slips through, finding the light. He holds his breath in case an alarm goes off but it doesn't. Richie was afraid they might have installed one after the time he freaked out the people in here with the red balloon prank last year.

Heading over to the kids' section, Richie pulls his book from his backpack and begins to read. He loses himself in the text, scribbling a note in the margin here and there, and almost jumps five feet in the air when the door is suddenly slammed open.

"Richard Lucas Mariano!"

His mother, father and library manager are staring down at him and Richie's shock turns to guilt. His mother looks like she's been crying and his father looks upset too as well as seriously angry.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" he explodes. "We were worried sick, it's after ten! We were calling you, calling your friend and he said you weren't there - what the hell!"

"I..."

"You what?"

"Jess," Rory says gently, seeing the look on her son's face. "Give him a minute."

Jess exhales, nodding and Rory says, "I'm going to go warm up the car."

The library manager says something about checking in her office. Jess waits for her to go before sitting down on the beanbags with Richie.

"Bud," he says gently. "What's going on?"

"So you know how you said I didn't need to worry about screwing up dating? I burped in Maddie's face!"

"What?"

"I didn't mean to! We kissed and it was an accident!"

"You kissed her?" Jess exclaims. "I thought you didn't like her!"

"I didn't know if I liked her or not," Richie moans. "And then I messed it all up!"

His father smiles but not unkindly and says, "It's not that big a deal."

"Yes it is. I screw up everything."

"Richie. What are you talking about?"

"I can't do anything," Richie says, wiping the tears that have fallen. "I'm named after one guy who was like this insanely great businessman and Grandpa who can fix anything and run the diner. And you write books and fix stuff too and I can't do my work and I just _float_."

"Slow down,"Jess says, looking into his eyes. "Richie, how you can you say you can't do anything? You read in every damn spare minute. You're smart - all your teachers say so - when you put the work in."

"But it's hard."

"That doesn't mean you aren't smart. I found the work easy and didn't do it. That's not smart."

"But you still wrote books."

"Yeah, when I was an adult. You're fourteen! And you know, when I kissed a girl for the first time, she nearly choked on my tongue!"

Richie laughs and Jess puts his arm around him.

"You're not just smart. You're kind and great to your sisters, most of the time, and you're funny and sarcastic - not that I always love that, I'll admit. And some of those pranks were damn creative. That I do take credit for."

Richie laughs again and Jess looks at him.

"You keep talking about resembling us guys but you remind me so much of your mom. You've got so much Rory in you and I don't only mean your eyes."

"Really?"

"You don't just get the book thing from me. But I mean how you are, your personality - it's a lot like your mom's. And that's something to be proud of. You're a lot like me, sometimes scarily so, but you're also so much like your mom. And I hope you appreciate that."

Richie smiles and Jess adds, "Look, I didn't mean to freak you out when I talked to you about dating and a sex talk -"

"Dad!"

"I want to talk about that stuff with you, but I don't think you're there yet. And that's not a bad thing, Richie. Enjoy being fourteen."

"I hate being fourteen," Richie admits and Jess laughs.

"Yeah, it's not the best year. But you'll get through it."

"You said I float."

"Huh?"

"You said I float through stuff...is it bad?"

"Richie, all I meant is that you have your own world," Jess says. "That you do things your own way. It's only bad if you lose sight of stuff. But I think it's good to be how you are - you're independent, you're a dreamer. Most writers are - maybe you'll be one, someday."

"Like you?"

"Maybe, or like Mom. Or maybe not. But you have that streak in you, a kind of calmness. A lot of people wish they had it. You've had that calmness since you were born."

Richie looks down at his hands, thinking. It's odd to view himself that way.

"I didn't feel too calm today."

"You're human - it's not bad to get mad or upset. Just talk to us, don't run off."

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really sorry I freaked you out."

"I know," Jess says, giving him a hug. "Come on, let's go find Mom."

When they get home Rory makes them a cup of steaming coffee each. Charlotte yells at him for freaking her out before hugging him and Annie tells him he's a jerk.

"Hey," Jess admonishes and she shakes her heads, her blue eyes full of tears.

"I'm not sorry!"

She runs up to her room and, with a sigh, Jess follows her. Rory silently slides a cup of coffee over the table to her son.

"Thanks," Richie says quietly. He looks up at his mother who finally says, "How could you take off like that? You remember what it was like when Charlotte ran away last year! Is this a trend now? Are all my kids going to -?"

"Mom, I'm sorry."

"Why did you lie to me?" Rory demands. "Why did you go and hide in the library?"

She doesn't sound angry, just upset and Richie says, "I had a really bad day at school. I kissed this girl and it went really badly and I...I'm sorry."

"Maddie?" Rory guesses. Richie nods, taking a sip of coffee, and Rory says, "So why couldn't you tell me? I wouldn't have laughed at you."

"I was embarrassed. And Mom, I just...I don't like being fourteen. I don't like high school. I don't fit in there, and everything just sucks."

"Richie," Rory says and she moves to sit next to him. "Why don't you tell me this stuff? Is it because I'm your mom?"

Richie shrugs and Rory goes on, "I was still a teenager once. Sweets, you used to talk to me all the time. I mean, you don't always like talking in general, I know, but you used to tell me stuff. Just because I'm your mom and not a guy doesn't mean I won't listen to you or can't understand. I know that you don't want to tell me everything...I get it. But I want you tell me some things. I want you to know that you can. Richie, if you need to go and hide in the library you need to talk to us first. Even if we cant fix it, me and Dad, we'll listen."

"I'm sorry," Richie says and he hugs her. It feels good to let his mother hold him for a minute. Rory kisses the top of his head and says, "It's okay. Hey, do you know that the first time I kissed a guy I ran away with a box of cornstarch?"

"What?"

Richie listens to Rory tell the story and then heads up to Annie's room. After sulkily being allowed in he sits on the end of her bed and says, "I'm really sorry."

"You're a jerk."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Annie nods and, tentatively, Richie puts an arm around her and then she climbs into his lap.

"You're still a jerk but it's okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Richie catches sight of a hairbrush and some bubbles in the corner. "Hey," he says to Annie. "Want me to show you a trick?"

After Annie's got the prank down to an art, and sworn not to practice until they're outside, Richie knocks on Charlotte's door. She says he can come in but sounds grumpy and Richie opens the door to see her sitting at her desk and writing on her laptop.

"What are you doing?"

"Writing an email to Logan," Charlotte says coldly. Jess officially adopted Charlotte last year but she still keeps in touch with Logan, her biological father. They write to each other now and then and sometimes meet up. Richie once said that he didn't get it, that Charlotte didn't even like the guy, and Jess had taken him aside. I_t's complicated, bud,_ he'd said gently. _It's your sister's thing. You just need to respect it._ Richie tries to. He still doesn't know the full story. He watched Charlotte write for a while and then says, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"You know...running off."

"Kind of ironic," Charlotte admits. "I used to wish you'd run off when we were kids."

Richie doesn't remark that he still gets that sensation from her. He has the feeling Charlotte is still grumpy about him being born at times. He knows she asked for him to be given back when he was born, and Richie can remember how mad she was when Annie arrived. He's about to make an excuse and leave when Charlotte turns around and says, "I could kill you. Do you know how freaked out I was?"

"I didn't think..."

"I ran off last year, remember? And remember how mad you were at me? You know much this sucks."

"I'm really sorry, Charlotte," Richie says. "I just had a crappy day and needed to not to here."

His sister's face softens and she nods. "I know that feeling. I get it."

They sit quietly for a moment and then Charlotte offers, "You want to talk about it? I'm your big sister, I can give advice."

"Like what?"

"Depends on what it is - I might not be any use for guy stuff."

Richie tells her about the ill-fated kiss and to her credit Charlotte doesn't smile. Instead, she says, "It'll be a big deal for a month or so and then it'll just be something embarrassing that happened. It'll become a funny story."

"No way."

"It will, I swear. You're in the worst year of high school, that's all."

"What year's a good year?"

"Okay, none are great," Charlotte admits. "But you'll feel less awkward."

"What if I don't?"

"College?"

"Gee thanks," Richie says but he feels better. They both laugh and he says, "Thanks. And I'm sorry...I really am."

"I know...like I said I get it."

They smile at each other and for once, Charlotte doesn't seem like just his older sister. Maybe she does understand some of Richie's things.

Before going to bed Richie heads downstairs to get a glass of water. His mother is leafing through the book he'd had in the library and Richie guesses it fell out of his pocket.

"Oh...that just..."

"I like what you wrote," Rory says, indicating at the notes in the margins. "From what I read - I hope it's okay that I read some."

"Sure."

"Dad wrote in my copy of _Howl_."

"I know."

"I never wrote in my books, but you have my handwriting," Rory says fondly. Richie smiles and remembers what Jess said, about resembling her. They're both quiet in their ways.

"Mom..."

"Yes?"

"How do you get past feeling like you're doing it wrong? School and stuff," Richie finishes vaguely and Rory smiles.

"It's something you figure out as you go along, usually with a few hit and misses."

"Really?"

"You'll figure it out," Rory says and Richie lets her give him a hug and kiss.

"I love you," Richie mumbles, so he can deny it he feels embarrassed, and Rory smiles at her son. "I love you too, my wonderful exception."


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for the feedback! A chapter from Annie's POV! Thanks to JediGirlAcrosstheStars21 for the Halloween suggestion!**

Halloween is approaching. Annie has picked out her witch costume weeks ago, black with shimmering purple stars. Every day after school this week she's tried it on after school, and it's only the promise of wearing her costume there on Halloween that has stopped Annie from wearing to school too. She's planned to trick-or-treat with two friends and Annie can hardly stand the anticipation. Halloween is circled on her calendar and every night before bed Annie crosses out the day leading up to it. It seems interminable.

Jess is pretending to be hurt that Annie doesn't want him and Rory to take her around this year. In past years they would all dress up, Charlotte and Richie too, and go around the neighbourhood, sometimes Stars Hollow if it was a weekend. Charlotte claimed to be too old for it years ago and Richie dropped out last year, but Annie was content to carry on. One year her dad wore-fashioned clothes and a sign around his neck that said Dodger, and another he and Rory dressed up as rockstars, telling Annie they were Kurt and Courtney, which meant nothing to her. Annie imagined they'd go around this year too until Melissa, the most popular girl in her grade, announced that only babies went with their parents. Trick-or-treating was still okay, but not holding your mommy and daddy's hand like a baby. Annie is glad not feel embarrassed over trick-or-treating - she's already excited for all the candy - but is a little awkward that the mother of her friends is going to be escorting them around. Still, better than nothing, she supposes. When she'd informed her parents of the plan Jess had put his hand over his heart in mock-pain and said, "You mean I'm missing out on the fun?"

"You're missing out on the candy," Charlotte remarked, wandering into the kitchen and Jess had shrugged. "Same difference."

"Please?" Annie had begged. "I really want to go with my friends."

"Okay, Annie," her father agreed, smiling. "As long as Lucy's mom is with you."

Lucy has even said her mom might let them hit a few houses unaccompanied. Annie is so excited she can hardly stand it. She's even excited to go bed because it's bringing Halloween faster. Every morning she looks longingly at the witch dress hanging on her closet door before pulling on her boring jeans and plain shirt. Halloween can't get here fast enough.

On Wednesday, disaster strikes. Lucy comes down with a cold which has taken out half the grade, and although, she weakly says on the phone that she's trying to get better, she is still sick on Halloween morning, along with Jessica, the third member of their party. Annie has no one to trick-or-treat with and weeps bitter tears after school.

"Don't cry," Rory says gently, putting an arm around her. "We can take you."

"No!" Annie sobs and Jess says, "We've got some old costumes upstairs, we can throw something together. I know it's not the same but we'll have fun, Annie-girl. What do you say?"

"No!" Annie wails, lifting her face from where it was buried in her hands. "I don't want to!"

"Ouch!" Jess exclaims, raising his eyes at Rory. "And why's that?"

"Because it's embarrassing!"

"Oh boy," Rory remarks. "I thought I had a couple more years before I became embarrassing."

"Let me go by myself."

"No," Jess says firmly. "You're too young."

"I'm _ten_!"

"Exactly, you're ten years old! I'm not letting you walk around the neighbourhood at night on your own!"

Annie's protests that it'll be full of other kids falls on deaf ears. Her parents refuse to let her go by herself. They keep suggesting that they go around together and don't care when Annie tells them she'll be the laughing stock of her class.

"You're getting tears all down your dress," Rory says, handing her a napkin. "Are we that bad to be seen with?"

"You just don't understand!"

"And I thought I had a few more years before that kicked in," Jess says, sighing. "Look - it's your call, Annie. You can go around with us and get candy or you can stay home and watch a movie with us, but you're not going trick-or-treating on your own."

"It's not fair!"

The argument is interrupted by Richie ambling in. He rummages through a cupboard before emerging with some crackers and, as he starts putting cheese on them, Jess asks, "Hey Richie, what are your big Halloween plans?"

"Zero," Richie says with a snort. "I might check out this haunted house downtown."

"You might?"

"Probably won't. It's just going to be some bonehead jocks trying to impress girls."

"Perfect," Rory says brightly. "You can take your sister trick-or-treating."

Richie freezes, a slice of cheese halfway to cracker, and says, "Excuse me?"

"Annie doesn't have anyone to go with - her friends got sick."

"Make Charlotte do it!"

"Charlotte already has plans," Rory says, giving him a look. "She's going to a party. And we're asking you."

Annie is silently grateful for this. If someone has to take her, at least it's Richie. Her sister is always talking about being too old to hang out with Annie. She and Richie used to have a good time together but Annie's noticed lately he's refusing to spend time with her. He doesn't even want to play the car games they always play on the way to Nana Lorelai's and all her parents say is that he's growing up. Annie can't help feeling that she's done something wrong.

"I just said -"

"You just said you probably weren't doing anything," Jess reminds him. "And your mother and I are too _embarrassing_ to take her."

"Guess I understand that," Richie jokes but Annie is bristling under her witch costume. She hates being the youngest. Everyone is allowed to do their own thing except her.

"I'm not a baby," she says indignantly. "I can go by myself!"

"No," Jess says. "End of story. Richie is taking you."

"But -"

"But -"

"Great, everything's worked out," Rory says, beaming over their protests. "Richie, you'd better find something to wear. Make sure you bring us back some candy!"

After a sullen meal brother and sister step outside. Annie has stuck her witch's hat on as hard as it will go, so as not to be recognised, and Richie is wearing a black T-shirt and pants as a nod to a costume. He's dusted his face with some flour and said he's a vampire, but declined Charlotte's offer of some lipstick for blood. He walks silently down the street, dodging some kids dressed as angels and devils and angrily says, "This sucks. Okay, hit five houses and then we're going home."

"Five? No way! I'd get zero candy!"

"No you won't. We're going to Nana's house on Saturday anyway and she'll give you tons then. You don't even need to go trick-or-treating!"

"You're just jealous because you think you're too cool to go!"

"Jealous, right," Richie echoes with a snort. "Whatever - just hurry up."

Annie hits the first street, getting a decent haul. Richie reluctantly waits beside her and Annie is cheerful as they walk towards the next, her pumpkin bucket reasonably heavy. Her witch skirt is swishing out and Annie jumps, watching the stars sparkle. It's the best costume shes had in a while. When she was little Annie wore the pumpkin costume handed down from Charlotte and Richie until it eventually split. She was given most of their old clothes and even now has some old things of Charlotte's. The only new things she had were baby clothes and that, Richie likes to tell her, is because she was an accident. Her parents say she was a surprise which sounds better, though Annie guesses being an accident is true as well. It's embarrassing to think about.

Annie is so lost in thought she collides with a girl in a pop singer costume.

"Ow!"

"Sorry!"

"Watch it," the girl snarls and then smirks at her. It's Melissa. "Hey, Annie. You with your mommy and daddy?"

"No, I'm with my brother," Annie says stoutly and then goes red as Melissa laughs, the glitter she spread on her face glowing in the shadow.

"Because you're too scared to go without him holding your hand?"

"I'm not holding his hand!"

"Baby!" Melissa shouts and then runs off, laughing. Annie clenches the handle of her bucket, hot with shame, and Richie says, "Are you going to hit another house or what?"

"Melissa's going to tell everyone I'm a baby who went trick-or-treating with her _brother_!"

"Big deal!" Richie exclaims unkindly. "You're all little kids anyway! You're little kids and I have to spend my Halloween walking you around this stupid neighbourhood! I'm fifteen and stuck babysitting my little sister! Everyone is sending me pictures from the haunted house and I can't even check it out because you wanted to trick-or-treat!"

"No one asked you!" Annie flings back. "Go to your dumb haunted house! I'm not a little kid, I can go by myself!"

"You can?" Richie asks doubtfully and Annie says firmly, "Go see the house and meet me back here in an hour. Mom and Dad don't need to know.

"You sure?"

"I'm fine," Annie says. Her brother looks at her for a moment and then breaks into a grin, giving her an unexpected hug.

"Thanks! You're not so bad."

"Yeah, yeah."

Richie gives her a kind of wave before hurrying down the street. Annie watches his dark clothes disappear into the black before taking a deep breath, turning and going to the next house.

The next few streets go smoothly. Annie is just going to go to the last one before heading back when three bigger kids approach her. They are teenagers dressed as pirates, perhaps Richie's age, and one says, "Hey kid. Give us your treasure."

"No." Annie tries to walk past and the second pirate steps forward.

"I believe my buddy here asked you a question."

"Leave me alone." Against her wishes, Annie is starting to feel nervous and she stands a little straighter. Taking a breath, she tries to walk past and the third boy grabs her pumpkin bucket.

"Hey!"

"All's fair on Halloween!"

"My big brother's going to come back any minute and..." Annie's voice falters as they laugh at her. She's just trying to stop the tear falling that's built in her eye when a fourth voice says, "What are you kids up to?"

A woman dressed as Wonderwoman shines a flashlight into the first pirate's eyes and he blinks.

"Nothing," he says. His friend drops Annie's bucket and before the woman can ask any further they run around the corner and out of sight. The woman turns her flashlight to Annie.

"Were they bothering you?"

"I'm okay."

"Are you with your mom or dad?" the woman asks. She's got a small boy and girl with her, whose eyes are drawn to the bucket of candy on the ground. Annie picks it up and shakes her head.

"I'm with my brother."

"Where is he?"

"Right over there," Annie lies, pointing at a crowd of kids over the street. "I'd better talk to him - thanks!"

"Wait -"

Before the woman can stop her Annie is running across the street. Blending in with the crowd, she waits until she knows the woman has gone. Taking a look around and breathing hard, Annie walks in the opposite direction to where the boys ran. She doesn't want to risk bumping into them again. Heart thumping under her witch dress, Annie tries to summon some of its powers as she trawls along the street. She takes some twists and turns, far away from where the kids are, and then looks up to see she's lost. Annie knows she hasn't gone far from the neighbourhood but everything looks different in the dark. Across the street, she can see a house decorated for Halloween and wonders if it's Richie's haunted house. Annie walks over to it slowly, the handle of her bucket tight in her hand. The door is open so Annie slips in, surrounded by the loud recording of ghostly wails and laughter. There is some louder music playing upstairs and what Annie hopes are fake cobwebs blowing into her face. Annie walks slowly along the hallway until suddenly someone jumps out from a side door, leering in a monster mask.

"Boo!"

Screaming, Annie turns and runs out of the house, ignoring the call behind her of, "Hey, it was just a joke!"

Annie doesn't stop running until she's at the end of the street and sinks onto the sidewalk, bursting into the tears. So much for witch powers. She is completely lost. Richie has a phone but Annie doesn't - her father said Richie was going to stay with her so they didn't need two. Now what is she going to do? How is she going to get home? What if that scary movie Annie saw that time really is real and a ghost is going to come and get her? What if those guys come back? Shivering, Annie unwraps a piece of candy and eats it, to try and silence her mind. It doesn't work. Tears run steadily down her face and it's starting to get cold.

"Annie!"

Annie lifts her face to see her sister staring at her. She is wearing a black dress with silver bats, which Annie privately thought looked dumb when Charlotte left for the party, but now it's the most wonderful thing she's ever seen.

"Charlotte!" Annie yelps, jumping up and running to her. Charlotte allows her to fling her arms around her waist before stepping back and asking, "What are you doing over here? Where's Richie?"

"He went to the haunted house."

"What? He left you alone?"

"I was fine until those jerks tried to steal my candy."

"What jerks?"

"They've gone now...they were dressed as pirates."

"Come on. Let's go home."

"What about Richie?"

"He can find his own way."

Silently, Annie hands Charlotte a piece of candy. As her sister takes it Annie asks, "How was the party?"

"It was only okay," Charlotte says with a shrug. "Mostly boring guys showing off...you know the drill."

Annie doesn't but she nods wisely. They walk a little further and Annie recognises the streets.

"Hey, I know where we are!"

They carry on and then a figure comes into light, a figure in a black shirt and pants and a frantic look in his eye, calling, "Annie! Annie!"

"Richie!" Annie shouts and her brother runs over to her.

"Where were you? Where did you go?"

"You're asking her?" Charlotte shouts. "You left her to go to some dumb party!"

"Oh, you're one to talk!"

"I wasn't the one in charge of Annie! You were supposed to watch her and you just walked off, you moron! Mom and Dad are going to kill you!"

"I'm sorry," Richie says to Annie, ignoring his older sister. "The minute I went I felt like an jerk."

"It's okay."

"It's not okay," Charlotte interrupts. "Some creeps tried to take her candy. What if she'd run into someone worse?"

"I know," Richie says quietly. He sniffles slightly, wiping a hand roughly across his cheeks and Annie stares.

"Are you crying?"

"No, I'm fine! But I'm sorry, Annie, I am. It wasn't even worth it."

"It's okay. I'm okay."

Richie hugs Annie tightly for a moment and, when they break apart, Charlotte says, "We'd better get back or Mom and Dad are really going to wonder where we are. Well, where you are anyway...I've got til midnight."

Annie gives her another piece of candy and Richie, even if she's dubious to him deserving it. The three walk slowly back and, to Annie's relief, their mother doesn't seem to notice it being later than they expected.

"How was it?" Rory asks, bending down to give Annie a kiss. "Did you get a lot of candy?"

"It was pretty good."

"Do I get some?"

Annie hands her a few candybars and her father appears, demanding some too.

"Did you have a good time?" he asks. Annie, Charlotte, Richie look at each other and nod at their parents, silently agreeing to keep the adventure secret.

"Good," Rory says happily. "So tonight worked out."

"And it wasn't so bad, taking your sister round, right?" Jess says to Richie who mumbles, nods and says something about washing the flour off his face. He gives Annie's hand a squeeze and hurries out, taking a candybar with him. Annie takes one herself and asks Rory, "What did you and Daddy do?"

"Oh...we watched a movie," Rory says. She blushes, for some reason, and giggles as Jess says, "We held hands during the scary parts."

"I'm going to get to bed," Charlotte says, rolling her eyes. "Shower that gross party smell away."

Rory and Jess say goodnight to her before turning to their younger daughter.

"It's time someone else was in bed too."

"Just a little longer," Annie wheedles. "It's Halloween!"

"And you're a big girl, I know," Rory teases, giving her a kiss. "We're going to do it all over again in Stars Hollow on Saturday."

"I know...but just another five minutes."

"Let's have some hot cocoa before bed," Rory decides. "It's cold tonight."

As she disappears Jess slips into the chair next to Annie, giving her a kiss on the top of her head.

"So you had a good time?"

Annie nods and her father puts his arms around the top of her shoulders, giving her a gentle hug.

"Hey, don't be in too much of a hurry to grow up, Annie-girl," Jess says gently. "Enjoy being a kid while you can."

"Dad..."

"I know, I know. You want to grow up - and it's exciting, all the new stuff you're going to experience - but you're still only ten. And you should enjoy that. I know in a few years you won't even want to go trick-or-treating, and that kind of makes me sad. Your brother and sister are already past that."

Annie silently can't believe she'll ever want to stop going trick-or-treating but she lets her father go on, "I want you to want to grow up. And you will, but you're still a kid, and I just don't want you to let go of it until you have to. Do you know what I mean?"

Annie doesn't but her father kisses her cheek. "You will, someday. Come on, Annie. Let's get that hot chocolate."

"Daddy, did you like Halloween when you were a kid?"

"I liked getting to dress up as someone else," Jess says enigmatically. He gives Annie a tight hug instead of an explanation of what he means.

They take the drinks from Rory and that night, Annie lets her mother tuck her in rather than say she can do it herself. Rory kisses her cheek and says, "Goodnight, angel. I hope you're not too mad at me and Daddy for not letting you go by yourself."

"It's okay," Annie says. "It wasn't so bad."

"Good." Rory tucks one of Annie's dark curls behind her ear. "You know, growing up feels slow, but really, it's fast. Trust me. The next thing I know you'll be a teenager."

Annie giggles at that, unable to picture it, and Rory gives her another kiss. "You'll still be my baby, though. My beautiful Annie-girl."

Annie smiles, unsure what to say. Being an adult seems so far away, almost as far as when Rory was a girl. "Goodnight, Mommy."

"Goodnight, sweets."

Annie turns over once her mother has switched out the light. She ruminates over the night's adventure, thinking of how not too long ago she'd have blurted out the whole story to her parents. Annie doesn't know when that changed, and an odd kind of emotion spreads through her. Is this starting to grow up? Maybe. It feels strange. Annie hopes she'll do okay with it, and no matter what anyone says, she's sure she'll never grow out of candy. A smile spreads across her lips and Annie falls asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the feedback! A chapter from Jess's POV!**

Jess looks around the room with a sigh. He's just brought all the boxes of Christmas decorations down from the attic. The original plan was to decorate next week but Charlotte and Richie are coming home in a few days and begged to do it then. Annie, who has inherited her mother's lack of patience, pleaded her father to bring the boxes down now so she can pick out the best decorations and Jess obliged her. Annie got a few out, including the streamers Jess always has to hang up. Rory always wobbles on the ladder and their children seem to have inherited her clumsiness. Christmas isn't for a few more weeks but Charlotte, Richie and Annie love decorating as soon as possible and honestly, he and Rory do too. Rory teases him for that, saying Jess Mariano's cool persona was all an act. _I've got you figured out, Dodger_. She always has. Jess goes over to the mantel, tucking some tinsel wrapped around the pictures of his kids. His kids! Jess stares at the framed pictures of his babies. Charlotte is going to graduate college next year, Richie has started his sophomore year and Annie is a freshman in high school. They aren't little kids anymore. Who allowed them to grow up?

Jess's phone lets out a beep, making him jump. Taking it out, he opens the screen to see a message from Liz, reading _Hey, baby. TJ and I are in New York all week seeing your sister and I wanted to see my darling son too. Come hang out with your mom xxx_

Typical Liz. Not for the first time, Jess curses the day he cracked and bought a cellphone. Some days he still wishes he never had one. Sure, Jess guesses it was useful when he wanted to talk to people and wasn't staying anywhere with a phone, but he hates that anyone can contact him so easily. When he goes out he often leaves it at home, a fact that makes his kids' eyes boggle. They still can't get over the fact that he never had one when he was their age.

Jess rubs a knuckled hand over his brow, taking himself back into the moment. His hands hover over the keys for a moment and then he slips the phone back into his pocket, not trusting himself to reply.

Rory is sitting up in bed reading, wearing that little frown she gets on certain passages. Jess smiles at it and then she looks up, smiling back.

"Hey," she says, patting the bed. "I was just starting to wonder if you were coming up."

"No way, you were too into your book."

"Maybe," Rory admits, making Jess laugh. "But I thought that before this chapter."

Jess strips to his boxers, tossing the phone onto the bed before getting under the covers. Rory eyes the phone with interest. Jess usually leaves it downstairs overnight.

"Liz texted me," Jess answers before she asks. "Saying she wants to see me in New York."

"Wow," Rory says and Jess nods.

"Yeah."

She looks at him, her blue eyes shining with concern. They are both older now, silver streaking their dark hair, but Rory's eyes are still as bright blue as when they met. Honestly, Jess never thinks about their getting older until he glances in a mirror, and then he momentarily wonders why an old guy is staring at him. Rory puts her hand on his, shaking Jess's thoughts away.

"Are you going to go see her?"

"I don't know yet."

Rory nods, and Jess can see the thoughts turning in her eyes. He loves that she lets there be a silence, awkward though it might be, without insisting on him voicing his mind.

"I don't know what to say back," Jess says eventually and Rory looks over.

"Do you want to go see her?"

"Wouldn't say it was top of my list."

"Remind me where Liz is right now," Rory says. "I can never keep up."

Jess snorts. "Yeah, same. She was in Stars Hollow but then she and TJ decided to travel, God knows where. Luke made them rent out the house so they'd get some money, rather than just abandon the place. And now I guess she's in New York. She said she's seeing Doula."

"So Doula's in New York?"

"Your guess is as good as mine."

Doula is a spinning top, never settling. She works as an experimental artist, constantly changing medium and never finding a home. Jess sees her maybe three times a year. He feels bad, like he should be doing more for her, but he's never known his sister well. Doula was born long after he left whatever kind of life he had with Liz. When he goes for coffee with her she is antsy, twisting on the chair and twirling the cup around her hands, yet monosyllabic in an ironic kind of way. Their disdain for smalltalk is the one thing they seem to have in common, aside from their crazy hair. Jess tried to have a serious conversation with her once, asked her if she'd thought about finding an apartment and staying somewhere for good, or at least longer than six months. Doula had flared back at him, her long black hair wild around her face. _What do you know about me? You have your wife and kids and the whole damn picturebook, along with all the other books you write! I am not your project!_

Jess wonders if his sister will be there and, selfishly, hopes not. He worries, all the same. Not for the first time, he thinks about how the universe is having a good laugh at him now. For all the crap Jess gave Luke he's certainly gotten it back threefold in some form or another. He has a vivid memory of snarling at Luke for trying to _fix_ everyone.

"You don't have to see Liz," Rory says gently. She squeezes Jess's hand and he swallows.

"I know. But if I don't, I'll wish I had."

Jess doesn't see his mother much more than Doula. She calls without warning, gushing down the phone and saying how she wants to come over and see those grandchildren of hers. Jess is grateful that she at least didn't call this time. He loves his mother, despite all his conflicted emotions about her. He probably won't hear from her until Easter after this.

"I'll see her," Jess says, picking up the phone. Sighing, he sends a confirmation and Liz instantly replies, asking if he can meet her tomorrow. Jess can't help laughing at that. It's insanely short notice, but what the hell? He says sure, turns off the phone and the light and tosses and turns until morning.

"I can't find my backpack!"

Jess thought maybe the craziness of the morning routine would slow down with two of their kids having moved out but that hasn't proved to be the case. Annie is a whirlwind, her hair whipping around as she runs through the kitchen.

"It's not in your bedroom?"

"Of course I looked there!"

"Where's the last place you remember having it?" Rory asks and Annie groans, "If I remembered that I wouldn't have lost it!"

Rory puts her hands up and Annie exclaims, "Daddy, can you help me look?"

"Sure." Jess can't help grinning slightly. Annie is young for her age and while she mostly stopped calling him _Daddy_ last year, she slips back into the old habit sometimes. Jess was almost as emotional as Rory when she started high school in September. He couldn't believe his little girl was old enough and, when he said so to Rory, she nudged him and reminded Jess that he'd said the same thing when she started Kindergarten. They'd both cried then too, although Jess had just managed to hold it in until she was through the door. He'd been a real mess in a car and as he'd wiped his tears away Jess had wondered what his eighteen-year-old self would have said to it. Probably that he was being pathetic. Jess had laughed at that thought, but it had been a close call not crying when he dropped her off at the high school a few months back. Jess hopes she doesn't turn around and tell him she's too old to be called _Annie-girl_ someday.

Father and daughter rummage through the living room until Rory calls, "Found it!" and they look up to see her holding the backpack. "It was in the bathroom."

"What was it doing in there?" Jess exclaims and shakes his head. "Never mind."

"Thanks, Mom!"

Annie throws it over her shoulder and Rory calls, "Hey, you need breakfast missy!"

"Mom, I'm going to be late!"

"At least have some toast," Rory says and, reluctantly, Annie surrenders and goes to sit at the table. "And a glass of juice."

Annie eats impatiently, splattering crumbs and almost spilling her juice. She swallows a small cup of coffee afterwards and hops foot to foot, waiting for Rory to finish her cup.

"I'm going to drive you today," Jess announces and his wife and daughter look at him in surprise.

"You are?" Rory asks, puzzled and Jess nods.

"Kind of spontaneous - is that okay? On my way to New York."

"It's fine with me," Rory says cautiously and Annie asks curiously, "What's in New York?"

"I'll tell you in the car," Jess says, giving Rory a quick kiss goodbye. "Come on, Annie-girl."

"Wait," Rory says and she gives Jess a real kiss and hug before whispering, "Love you."

"I love you too," Jess says gently. "I'll call you later."

Rory nods and then Annie is already at the door, turning the handle ahead of her father.

Jess has hardly turned the ignition on in the car before Annie asks, "Why are you going to New York?"

"To see my mom. Is your seatbelt on?"

Annie sighs, showing him, and asks, "Why are you seeing your mom?"

"Because she asked to see me."

"Does she live in New York now?"

"No. I don't think so...it's just where she is."

Annie nods, looking out of the window for a moment. "Is she going to come back here?"

"No, Annie-girl. I'm just seeing her today."

"What's she like?" Annie asks curiously. She has only seen Liz a handful of times over her life and most of them were when she was small.

"She's...Liz," Jess exhales, staring at the road. "She's in her own world, doing her own thing. She's always trying something new."

"Was she a good mom?" Annie asks and without thinking Jess says, "No," and then winces slightly. "I mean...no, she wasn't great at being a mom, but she loved me. She wanted the best for me."

"What did she do wrong?" Annie asks quietly and Jess closes his eyes for a second. He can hear the sadness in his daughter's voice and Jess hates bringing up those memories.

"She didn't know how to be a mother. She was young and lonely and wanted every new guy to be _the_ guy, and he was usually a jerk. He'd get her into drinking or smoking and she was usually out of it..." Jess's voice trails off as he looks over at his daughter who's staring.

"But it was okay," he says firmly. "I went to live with Grandpa Luke and then I met your mom and then you guys came along."

"But you didn't stay with Mom after high school," Annie points out and Jess bites his lip, forgetting that Annie is old enough to notice the gaps now.

"No, that's right. I had a few years of figuring things out."

"Did you figure things out with your mom?"

"Kind of," Jess says. They have reached the school and Jess lets the half-truth complete the conversation. "Get your stuff, you don't want to be late."

"Dad -"

"Go on, you'll be late. Have a great day, Annie-girl."

Annie gives him a kiss goodbye but still looks perturbed as she exits the car and joins the blur of other students. Jess can't help feeling that he was lying to her and yet, he knows, if he had more time he wouldn't tell her all of how conflicted he still feels. He doesn't want to worry her. Is he being dishonest or just being a father? Jess waits until he sees Annie go in the school before starting the car back up and turning onto the road.

The drive to New York is easy. Most of the commuter traffic has cleared and Jess whistles some Bowie as he goes. Liz has sent the address of some coffeeshop not too far from where they once lived and Jess is able to park in a side road he was able to remember. Good to know that at least hasn't been taken over. Jess stares in the rearview mirror, running a hand through his hair, not that Liz will care either way, before checking he has his phone and wallet and getting out of the car. There aren't many people out and those who are seem to be babbling without the aid of a cellphone, in their own universe. That hasn't changed either. Jess sees the coffeeshop ahead and smiles wryly. When he lived there, the concept of a coffeeshop would be cause for hilarity. Approaching it, Jess nervously swallows before pushing open the door.

"Hi baby!"

Liz stands up from a table opposite and heads turn to her and then swivel to Jess.

"Hi Liz," Jess mumbles, going over and giving his mother a kiss. "Sit, I'll get us some coffee."

"Thanks, sweetie!"

Liz is in her seventies but that hasn't slowed her down. She chatters before Jess has even brought the cups over, stopping only when she burns her mouth on the coffee.

"Jeez, that's hot!"

"Hence the steam," Jess remarks. "How's it going, Liz? TJ and Doula around?"

"TJ's at an umbrella market and who knows what Doula's doing!"

"An umbrella market?- forget it," Jess says. "I thought you might know what Doula's doing, seeing as you just saw her."

"You know your sister, Jess! She's always off somewhere new. When I saw her she said she was going to do a tour of pottery on the East coast."

"Sounds like Doula."

"Some new boyfriend got her into it. Or was it girlfriend? One of those."

"Right." That sounds like Doula too. She wants a new partner before the current relationship has even started. Jess drinks his coffee rather than voice that, burning his mouth too.

"It's hot," Liz teases him and Jess laughs. "I knew my sweet son was nearby at least and had to try and see you! So tell me, Jess! How are you and Rory and those beautiful kids of yours?"

"Rory's fine, I'm fine, the kids are fine."

"One thing hasn't changed," Liz comments. "You're as short on words as Luke, but you're a writer! Tell me something about your life, Jess!"

"I'm working on a new novel," Jess says, scratching the back of his neck for something to do. "Rory's thinking about writing a new book but she's still busy with the paper. The kids are great...Charlotte and Richie are in college and Annie's just started high school."

He gets out his wallet to show his mother the pictures he carries of Rory and the kids. Seeing as Annie is a toddler in it Jess should really update the pictures, but he misses his kids being tiny.

"That's so great, Jess," Liz says proudly and Jess can't disagree. He's proud of himself too. "I was so worried about you as a kid but I knew you'd turn out fine, and here you are! Got kids of your own and you raised that other one of Rory's too, no question, just like she was your own!"

"Charlotte is my own," Jess says, putting the cup down. "I didn't raise her _like_ my own."

"But you didn't have to, is all I'm saying."

"She's my daughter," Jess says angrily. "There was no question that I'd be her dad."

Jess loved Charlotte before he and Rory even got involved again. He remembers it as clearly as if it were last week. Rory crying to him on Christmas Eve night, saying she didn't want to be alone. _You're not alone, _Jess had thought silently. He would love her baby too - he already did. And he was starting to love Rory again, already knowing he'd be there as much as she needed. Jess had to resist flying to London to punch Logan in the mouth. _You don't want to know your kid?_ he'd demand. _You don't deserve to have one_. And then Rory was giving birth and Jess was holding her hand and Charlotte was born and Jess had never, once in his whole life, felt such a strong surge of love and protection before. She was his daughter, he was her father. Nothing could take that from him. There was nothing to think about. Charlotte is his girl.

"You stepped up," Liz declares, looking at her son over the steam in her mug. "That's all I'm saying, Jess. You're just like Luke."

Jess shrugs slightly, embarrassed and says, "Yeah, well. How is Luke? Have you seen him?"

"I talked to him on the phone but I might see him at Christmas - or not, I don't know yet. But he's so busy, my brother. You should tell me - you see Luke all the time!"

This is true. Jess sees Luke at least once a month and talks to him on the phone most weeks. Here's another thing his younger self wouldn't fathom, willingly talking to his uncle all the time, let alone having kids of his own. Let alone getting _married! _Jess had got choked up when Rory walked down the aisle, wearing a simple lace dress and holding Charlotte's hand. She had never looked so beautiful and they'd danced, their daughter in their arms and then just the two of them. Whenever Jess dances with Rory he hopes it makes up for missing prom. He'd danced with Rory until long after the last guests had gone and that night, when they finally went to bed, Rory had grinned and said _let's make a baby_. And they had. And then they unexpectedly made another one a few years later. Jess loves his kids more than anything but is glad they finished at three. One surprise baby girl was enough.

"You remind me so much of him," Liz says, breaking Jess from his thoughts. She looks a little misty-eyed and adds, "Luke and my dad. Makes me emotional, looking back on those times when it was you and me."

That annoys Jess and he snaps, "It makes you emotional, huh? What part exactly makes you emotional? Was it all the times the electricity got shut off, or the time your boyfriend stole the furniture or the time you got depressed and cut off all your hair?"

"Jess!"

"Did you want to see me just to walk down memory lane?"

"I wanted to see you," Liz protests. "Tell you how good you're doing. And sometimes I like to remember."

"I'm glad one of us does."

"Hey!"

"Liz, do you really believe we had a good time when I was a kid?" Jess asks in frustration. "You could hardly look after me. You couldn't look after yourself!"

"I tried. I loved you."

"And we know how it turned out."

"I sent you to Luke because I knew I was messing it up," Liz says, her voice uncharacteristically quiet. "I figured he'd do a better job than me - and he did. Jess, look at your life now! When you were a kid I knew you'd do something great. And now you're a writer, you're married and you've got your own kids, and I bet you're doing so well with them. I know you are!"

Hearing the words Jess said to Annie barely two hours before is suddenly unbearable. If anyone put Annie, Charlotte or Richie what Jess went through he'd kill them. Jess pushes his cup away.

"I wanted you to be happy," he tells her. "Sometimes we did have fun, when I was a kid, but you couldn't stay happy. And then you made me move to Stars Hollow and I screwed that up and I went to see Jimmy and that was a real treat and now Doula's a mess -"

"Doula? She's just doing her own thing."

"I worry about her, Liz."

Liz exhales and says, "I know she'll be okay because you were."

"We're different people! And Liz, it was hard! I am happy now, I'm good now, but it wasn't good when I was younger. And I don't love seeing you and pretending we were in some damn Rockwell painting!"

Liz stares down at her cup and finally says, "I know, Jess. I'm sorry - I wish I did a better job. But I was so young and clueless and I loved you, but I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I was scared that if I didn't send you to my brother you'd get hurt worse than you were. Luke always does things better than me. Did you really hate it so much?"

Jess pauses for a moment.

"I hated the town," he says eventually, "but I'm not sorry I went there. It was good, living with Luke, though I didn't always get it. And it's how I met Rory. She..."

Jess's voice trails off. How she pushed Jess to save himself is private. Liz nods, all the same, and says, "I love you, my son. I wish I could be different for you."

"You don't have to be," Jess says honestly. "Just...just look out for Doula, okay?"

"I do, Jess. But she's all grown up now. She says she's living the artist life."

Jess lets out a dry chuckle at that. He vividly remembers drifting across the states, telling himself it was a writer's journey. Maybe it was, but he had to end it sometime. Then he gets a rush of guilt. Liz isn't the only one who should be looking out for Doula.

"It's good to see you," Liz says and Jess goes over to hug her unprompted.

"Good to see you too, Liz. Say hey to TJ from me."

"I will. And I know you're tired of me saying it, but you look so good. I'm so proud of you, Jess."

"Thanks, Liz."

"You know, you've inspired me. I'm going to go see Luke right now!"

"Do you know he'll be there?"

"Oh please, he lives behind that counter!" Liz exclaims and Jess laughs. He can't deny that. "Want to come along?"

"No," Jess says, not unkindly. "I've got to go to work."

"Okay then. I'll say hello from the other guy I love best in the world."

They hug goodbye and Jess goes out, letting out a long breath. He pauses at the car, looking around him. He can see the route he took to the subway, which carried him to the library and into countless other worlds. Jess almost considers going to see it, and the apartment he once lived in, but swiftly changes his mind, getting into the car and driving home.

Jess is wiped. He decides not to go into Truncheon, maybe work at home or maybe just take the day. Probably the latter - he can afford to. He'll call Rory too but right now all Jess can think about is sitting down and closing his eyes, maybe ordering a pizza for dinner. The thought of cooking a meal drains him. Jess closes the front door, closes his eyes and then jumps as a voice says, "What kind of welcome home is that?"

"Charlotte!" Jess exclaims, snapping his eyes open to see his daughter beaming at him. "I thought you were back tomorrow!"

"Got out early - is that a problem?"

Jess answers her by pulling her into a tight hug and kissing the top of her head. Charlotte has been in college for a few years now and took a year to travel before that, but Jess feels the same rush of relief at seeing her whenever she comes home.

"There's my girl. I missed you."

"I missed you too, Dad." Charlotte looks up, smiling, and Jess cups her face for a moment. "It's so good to have you home."

"It's good to be home." Charlotte starts talking about college and her workload and the hideous journey back and Jess makes coffee as he listens, unable to stop smiling. His exhaustion from before has been replaced with the happy surprise of seeing his oldest daughter. Charlotte is doing so well these days. Jess remembers too well that time when she was struggling in high school, dating that jerk and pushing him and Rory away. He was so scared, though he didn't want to admit it. Jess knew this was the deal with raising kids, letting them figure things out and make mistakes, but he didn't know how hard it would be until he was a dad. Sometimes Jess wishes he could do things with Charlotte differently, avoid certain mistakes, but he knows that's not the deal either. And now his daughter seems happy, taking writing as her major and tolerating the teasing of being a nerd like her parents. She takes the cup of coffee Jess hands her and sobers as he tells her about going to see Liz.

"Was it hard?"

"A little."

Charlotte nods. Jess hasn't told her much more than Annie or Richie, but Charlotte seems to understand more. Of course she is older, but even as a kid Jess got the the sense that Charlotte knew more of how it was to grow up with Liz, even if they didn't discuss it much.

"I'm going to call your Aunt Doula," Jess tells Charlotte and she frowns.

"You are? What, right now?"

"Maybe. I want to talk to her soon."

"I thought you were fighting."

"Not fighting...just frustrated. I think she might need some help."

"But Aunt Doula's like thirty-five, right?"

"You don't grow out of needing help," Jess says, cupping Charlotte's cheek again. "She might not want it, but I'm just going to tell her I'm here."

"Okay, Dad."

Charlotte heads upstairs to unpack and Jess gets out his cellphone to dial Doula's number. He waits and is just about to leave a voicemail when his sister says snappishly, "Yeah?"

"It's Jess."

"I know, genius, your name is saved on my phone."

"Great. Won't bother with an introduction next time."

Jess waits and then says, "I wondered if you wanted to go for coffee, if you're around. I saw Liz earlier."

"Oh yeah? What did Mom say about me?"

"Not much...but I felt bad that I'm not seeing you."

"Because you feel sorry for me," Doula says. "Like I said, I'm not a charity case. I'm fine."

"No, you're my sister. I just want a cup of coffee and us to catch up - come on Doula, why not? It's nearly Christmas."

"I hear so much about you...my saintly big brother Jess. But you were never even around when I was a kid."

"I know. I'm sorry."

There's another pause and Jess says, "I'm not going to try and make up for missing your whole life with one cup of coffee. I just thought we could hang out, while you're still in New York. What do you say?"

"Maybe," Doula says grudgingly. "Okay. But no promises, okay?"

"Sure. See you, Doula."

Jess hangs up, holding the phone tightly for a moment. He hopes that's a start.

After Charlotte comes back downstairs they make some lunch and more coffee.

"Do you have any plans for when you're here?" Jess asks and Charlotte shrugs.

"Not really. I'll hang out with Ivy...I might see Logan, if he's in the states."

Jess nods. He doesn't love Charlotte seeing him but respects her wish to. It's always going to be a little complicated, the whole thing, but they seem to have found a sort of peace with it.

"Otherwise, no real plans," Charlotte finishes. "Hang out with you guys...maybe some father-daughter bookshopping?"

Jess smiles. He wants to tell Charlotte it's not her job to make him feel better about Logan, that he's okay, but settles on, "That sounds great. And I hope you have fun with Logan if you see him."

"Thanks," Charlotte says quietly, smiling as Jess gives her a quick kiss. He wishes he'd adopted her sooner, but he's always been her dad. Charlotte's birth was the moment Jess became a father.

"How about we go pick up your mom and sister?" Jess asks Charlotte who nods.

"Sure. How's Annie finding high school?"

"Okay, I think. I'm sure she tells you more than she does me."

"Maybe," Charlotte says. She swallows some coffee and asks knowingly, "How are you doing with her being in high school? Has she brought home any guys?"

"What? No!" Jess exclaims, panicked. "Has she said anything to you about a guy?"

"Relax, I'm teasing," Charlotte laughs. "I take it you're not wild about that idea."

Jess grumbles a little. He's not wild about his youngest daughter growing up in general. Is it unreasonable to want to lock her up and throw away the key? Probably.

"You can vet whoever Annie decides to date," Jess says, making his daughter laugh again. "Tell me if they seem like a jerk."

"I bet you're going to decide they are because they like Annie."

Jess makes a face, laughing at himself along with Charlotte.

"Never mind. Come on, let's go."

They drive over to surprise Rory, Charlotte going into the office first. Rory shrieks happily, enveloping her daughter in a hug and Jess smiles as they talk over each other, finishing each other's sentences. Charlotte is a true Gilmore. It's time to pick up Annie and Charlotte opts to get out of the car to surprise her sister too. Annie throws herself into Charlotte's arms on sight, who says fondly, "Hey, kiddo." The girls are so much closer these days than when Charlotte was a kid. Annie gets tearful whenever she returns to college.

As soon as they get back Annie wants to decorate the house and pouts when they say they have to wait for Richie to come home tomorrow. She cheers up when Rory reminds her they'll be going to Lorelai's after that and settles down to watch a movie before the pizza arrives. Charlotte sits beside her, helping her pick, and Rory quietly gets up and goes over to Jess.

"Was it okay with Liz?" she asks softly.

"It was okay," Jess promises. "Hard, but good."

Rory nods, kissing him, and goes over to the couch. Jess smiles at them all for a moment, the women that make his life, before they call him to sit down so they can start watching the movie. They are only twenty minutes in when there's a knock on the door.

"Is that the pizza?" Rory asks in surprise. "That's early. Jess, get the door, would you? You're closest."

Jess is actually furthest but gets up without complaint. It's easier not to let Rory explain how it's easier for him to get it with some convoluted logic. He opens the door, stares and exclaims, "Richie?"

"Hey Dad!"

Before Jess can ask further his son is muffled by his mother and sisters smothering him in a hug.

"What are you doing back?" Charlotte cries and Richie laughs. "I could ask you the same thing!"

"Got out early."

"Me too. Hope that's okay."

"More than okay," Jess says, hugging his son tightly. "Welcome home."

"We can decorate the Christmas tree," Annie says happily, bouncing up and down, and the rest of her family burst into laughter.

"The most important thing," Richie says, tousling her hair. "Let's start right now."

"Coffee first," Rory says firmly and Richie nods.

"Coffee first."

"I'll put on a pot," Jess says. He goes into the kitchen, a wide smile spreading across his face. He thinks back to that young, angry and scared boy he'd been and how, in all the random paths he imagined his future would take him, being married with kids was never on the list. He'd always rolled his eyes at the concept. He didn't need anyone. Jess never listened if anyone told him otherwise, but here he is, with the first person to think maybe he was mistaken. Jess has never been so glad to be wrong.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for the feedback! Another chapter from Annie's POV!**

Annie hugs a pillow to her chest, smiling. Her boyfriend, Drew, has been texting her all evening leaving Annie on a happy cloud. They've been together for three months now. Drew joined Annie's school late, having moved from Vermont, and they got together not too long after that. He asked if he could borrow her notes for English class and it all went from there. It's so refreshing to know someone who doesn't think of her as someone's little sister first. Almost everyone else in class knows Annie since practically Kindergarten, and remember her older brother and sister first. Some of the teachers even call her Charlotte, despite the age gap between them. It drives Annie crazy. In general, it's good to be with someone who hasn't known her since she was a little kid. It would be even better if her parents acknowledged she was no longer a little kid either.

There's a knock on Annie's door, jumping her from her thoughts.

"Come in!"

It's Charlotte. She lives in New York now but is home for a few weeks before starting back at work, where Charlotte is training to become a journalist. She sprawls out on the bed beside her sister, saying, "Hey."

"Hi," Annie says, amused at Charlotte's wide yawn. "Big day?"

"I'm just sleepy, and your sheets are so comfortable. I forgot how much better this detergent is than the cheap stuff."

Annie laughs but is jealous that her sister has her own apartment. She has always been jealous of her older sister. Charlotte got to do everything first, always be the older and cooler one. Charlotte counters that she gets less leeway with their parents, but Annie wishes she wasn't babied all the time. There was a friction when they were growing up but Annie loves hanging out with Charlotte these days. She always has the best advice on anything Annie feels awkward about. Sitting up, her sister picks up Annie's phone and asks, "More from the guy?"

Annie nods, blushing and Charlotte grins.

"What's he saying to make you go so red? Or maybe I shouldn't hear!"

"Just...stuff," Annie says, blushing harder and Charlotte smirks.

"And I'm assuming stuff which means Mom and Dad wouldn't let him through the door."

"They treat me like a baby!"

"You are their baby," Charlotte says, poking Annie's hip. "You're the youngest."

"But I'm turning eighteen in June! It's not fair!"

"They are way more relaxed with you than they were with me."

"Not about this," Annie grumbles. "Drew came over for dinner and Dad looked like he wanted to stab him with the butter knife."

"Good thing it wasn't the steak one," Charlotte teases, trying to make Annie laugh. "At least they're letting you date him, right?"

"We're checked on all the time, it's crazy. Dad yelled at me for leaving my cellphone at home when I went out for milkshake with Drew, and he's the one talking all the time about using it too much! I was just sick of him constantly texting me!"

"Did you say that?"

"I said I thought he wanted me to use it less and then he got kind of mad and Mom had to step in. And then Dad said he just wants to know I'm safe. Safe! It was the middle of the afternoon!"

"I know," Charlotte says sympathetically. "They'll cool off, I promise."

"When, in college? That's a million years from now!"

Charlotte tries not to laugh and fails. Annie rolls her eyes and Charlotte leans up on an elbow.

"Tell me about him," she says. "I want to hear everything!"

Annie tells her about their recent date to the movie theatre ("and I had to turn my phone off for that!") and their plans to go to a party next week.

"A late kind of new year's thing," Annie concludes. "Can you help me pick something to wear?"

"Sure."

"If Mom and Dad even let me go," Annie says gloomily. "They hate Drew for no reason. They think that he'll - I'll - you know..."

"Yeah, I know. But you know why they think like that, Annie. Nana got pregnant with Mom when she was sixteen and Mom pregnant accidentally too."

"She wasn't sixteen!"

"No, but it wasn't planned, plus it was twice," Charlotte says and Annie blushes slightly. It makes her feel awkward to think about. "They're scared that might happen with you."

"They've given me talks since I was barely in middle school! And anyway, nothing's..."

Annie's voice trails off and Charlotte raises her eyebrows. Before she can ask there's a call of, "Girls?" and Rory walks in just as her daughters chorus, "Nothing!"

"Okay," Rory says curiously. "I was just seeing what you guys were up to."

"Not much," Charlotte says smoothly. "Just chatting to Annie."

"It's getting late, kiddo," Rory says to her youngest daughter. "You've got school in the morning."

"I know. Hey, Mom? Can I go to a party next week?"

"A party?" Rory echoes and Jess, coming into the room, asks, "What party?"

"Just this party a girl at school is throwing, for new year's."

"A little late for that, isn't it?" Jess asks and Annie says, "A late new year's party."

"Whose is it?" Rory asks and Annie exhales.

"Julie's. Can I go?"

"Is that guy coming?" Jess asks and scowls when Annie says hotly, "Yes, my boyfriend is going."

"I don't know," Rory starts to say and Charlotte breaks in.

"Guys, lay off her a little. It's just a high school party! She'll be fine."

"It'll be over by midnight," Annie says, sending her sister a grateful look. "Please. It's on a Friday and it's just a few kids from school. _Please_."

Rory and Jess look at each other and must telepathically agree, as Rory says, "Okay, you can go."

"Thank you thank you thank you!" Annie jumps off the bed, hugging her mother and her father says, "But right now you need to get some sleep, Annie-girl."

"I know. Goodnight, Dad."

Her father nods, giving her a small smile and Rory kisses her daughter goodnight.

"Don't stay up talking all night," she tells Annie. "To Charlotte or to Drew, okay?"

Annie nods, smiling so wide her mouth hurts, and squeals once her mother's left the room.

"Thanks!"

"See? If you talk to them calmly they don't freak out."

"I bet they wouldn't have let me go if you hadn't talked them round."

Charlotte shrugs and glances at Annie's phone which has lit up with another text.

"You'd better actually go to sleep or they'll probably get mad and change their minds. Tell the guy you need your beauty sleep - hey, he must get a lot himself! He's cute!"

"Charlotte," Annie groans. Her sister has picked up her phone and is looking at Drew's picture. "Give it back!"

"Fine," her sister says, giving her the phone back and a hug. "I'm going back down. But Annie?""

"Yeah?"

"I hate to sound like Mom and Dad, but if you want to talk about the nothing that's going on -"

"There's nothing to talk about!"

"Do you think it could become something?"

Annie feels her cheeks turn red. They haven't gone too far but sometimes, when she kisses him, Annie wants to take it further. One weekend they managed to be alone at his place and wound up lying on the couch, rather than watching the move, her legs tangled around his and her shirt ridden up. If they hadn't heard his mother's key turn in the lock Annie wonders how much more they would have explored each other. Sometimes it feels too fast and sometimes she wants to speed up. Annie's never had a boyfriend before. She doesn't answer her sister and shrugs instead. Charlotte sighs.

"Be careful, okay?"

"I know all this."

"I know you do...but sometimes stuff happens."

Annie nods and her sister gets up.

"I'll let you get some sleep," she says. "And you can tell me these things - I promise not to freak out."

"I know...goodnight, Charlotte."

On the evening of the party Annie stares helplessly at the pile of clothes on her bed. She's been trying to put together an outfit for the past two hours but admits defeat. Charlotte couldn't help earlier as she was out with Lorelai and Richie while Annie was in school but now there is a knock on the door.

"Calvary's here," Charlotte announces and comes in, along with Lorelai.

"Nana!" Annie exclaims, going to give her a hug. "What are you doing here?"

"I had to help my granddaughter pick an outfit for her big party," Lorelai says, beaming. "Cool Dude wasn't too interested so he's back in Stars Hollow with Luke. When Charlotte said she was going to help you choose something I begged to help!"

"Mom's got the special touch," Rory remarks, joining her mother and daughters. "She found me the best outfit for my first date, and a dress for Charlotte's dance, which was originally the dress she made me."

"You're not so bad either Mom," Annie says kindly. Rory helped her find an outfit for the first time she went for coffee with Drew, and did the same for Charlotte with her first boyfriend. Charlotte has often commented that the outfit was better than the guy.

"You're making me blush," Rory says but she smiles, kissing Annie's cheek. "Now, what do we have here?"

"What kind of theme are you going for?" Lorelai asks, pursing her lips. "Casual or dressy? Or death metal punk?"

"Write off the last category," Annie says firmly. "But I don't know about the others...I don't know how much to dress up!"

Her grandmother, mother and sister look at each other before going through the pile.

"I say you start with jeans," Rory says. "That's comfortable but you can wear a cute top."

"Which?" Annie asks helplessly, staring at the selection, and her sister searches through them.

"How about this? It's blue and goes with your eyes."

"Maybe..."

"This is blue and has sparkles," Lorelai says, lifting a shirt up from the corner. "I think it gives it a little extra!"

"I love it!" Annie says excitedly, bouncing a little on her toes, and Rory laughs at her.

"I say we have a winner!"

"Thanks, guys," Annie says, beaming and Charlotte leads her to the desk chair.

"Here, I'll do your makeup."

She waits for Lorelai and Rory to leave before closing the door and pulling a stool over to where Annie is sitting. Picking up some mascara, she asks, "Are you excited?"

"Kind of. I don't go to parties much."

"I hope you have a good time. I always wanted to go and then when I did I usually felt kind of underwhelmed and wanted to go back to bed.

"Gee, thanks Grandma."

They laugh and Charlotte nudges Annie's knee with hers.

"Listen, I want you to have a good time tonight. Just..."

"Just what?"

"Do you have protection?"

"Charlotte!" Annie yelps, staring at her sister. "Mom and Dad and Nana are right outside!"

"You smeared the mascara!"

"If they heard that forget the party, I wouldn't be allowed out until graduation!"

"They didn't hear," Charlotte says calmly, wiping the mascara from Annie's cheek. "Do you?"

Annie pauses, remembering the question, and mumbles, "No."

"Then please don't do anything at this party."

"Who says I'm going to do anything?"

"No one - I'm just saying, it might. Or it might not. You know you don't have to do anything, right?"

Annie nods and Charlotte waits until she says, "Yes, I know."

"Good."

They sit in silence until Charlotte's done and then she turns Annie's chair so she can face the mirror.

"Well, what do you think?"

Annie's mouth hangs open in appreciation. She can't believe how much older she looks.

"I love it," she says, hugging her sister tightly. "Thanks!"

"No problem, kiddo."

They go out to see their parents and Lorelai watching a movie, but Rory turns it off as they come inside the living room.

"Honey, you look great!"

"Doesn't she look grown up?" Lorelai exclaims and Jess nods, her brow drawn tightly as he says, "Yes, she does."

"I'll be back in a few hours," Annie promises and groans as her dad says, "You know the rules.

"Yes," Annie says but Jess goes on, "No drinking, no drugs, no sex."

"You must be fun at parties," Lorelai teases and, as he stares, she says, "Joke...bad joke, sorry."

"Have fun," Rory says firmly, giving Jess a look. "That's a rule too! And we'll pick you up at twelve."

"Drew can drive me back!"

"Maybe he can, but we're picking you up," Jess says and Annie falls silent, knowing better than to fight him on it. "

"Okay, okay. I'll see you twelve."

"You have everything you need?" Rory asks and Annie shows her her purse. "Good. I'm not going to ask you to put your housekey on your belt buckle."

"What?"

"Never mind," Rory says as there's a knock on the door. "I think that's Drew."

"I'll get it," Annie says, running over. "Hi!"

"Hi!" Drew exclaims, staring at her. "Wow, Annie, you look amazing!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, you look -" Drew's voice fades as he sees Jess standing behind her, arms folded. "Hi Mr Mariano...Ms Gilmore...Annie, you ready to go?"

"Yes," Annie says quickly. "Bye guys."

"Bye," Jess says stonily and the last thing Annie hears as she closes the door is Charlotte laughing at him. All she feels is embarrassment.

"Your dad is intense."

"He's not usually so bad," Annie says weakly, but it's true. Her father is usually so calm about things, willing to talk it through rather than yell. "He's just...forget it, let's just go."

"It's going to be awesome," Drew says, sounding happy at the change of subject. "Best party of the year."

Once there, Annie is less convinced. The music is so loud people can hardly talk to each other. The house is heaving with people Annie can't remember even seeing in the halls and every chair is taken, both couches filled with couples making out. It's a good thing Annie didn't know the party would be like this as she knows her parents would see through any lie she'd try and make up. There's is a table piled with every kind of drink imaginable, sodas and bottles of the decidedly alcoholic variety. Annie has three lemonades but when she hands over her cup to her friend Lucy she winks and pours in a little vodka.

"What's that?"

"Just something to spice it up. It'll help you relax a little."

"Lucy..."

"It's just vodka. If you don't like it I'll drink it."

Annie takes a cautious sip. The first mouthful makes her eyes water but after that it's not so bad. The taste is almost smooth. She finishes the drink and holds her cup out for more.

"Really?" Lucy asks in surprise and Annie shrugs.

"Just a little."

It's making her feel more relaxed. The music is more of a thrum than unbearable noise. Annie figures one drink or two isn't that big a deal - it's not like she's chugging beer. By the time she's finished the second and part of a third she goes to find Drew, feeling slightly unsteady on her feet and he catches her in his arms as she goes to kiss him.

"Hey!"

"Hey!"Drew says, laughing in surprise. "You having a good time?"

"Yeah, but the music's too loud!"

"Let's go somewhere quiet," Drew says. He takes Annie's hand and they slip out of the kitchen and up the stairs, where Annie pushes open a door, not caring which room it is, and closes it firmly, kissing Drew some more. It's unlike her to take the lead. He kisses Annie back, running his hands over her back and over her hips and then they're bumping into the bed and falling onto it. Annie gasps as Drew kisses her neck and runs his hands over jeans. Annie wants him closer. His kisses are hot on her neck and she pulls him closer onto her, but then something wakes up in her mind, her sister asking if she has protection, and Annie sits up.

"Wait," she pants. "Not here - not now."

"Sorry..." Drew starts to say and Annie says, "No, it was good, it's just, we're here and I don't have anything and I don't know if you do and it's a party and we probably shouldn't..."

She's starting to ramble and Annie puts a hand to her head. Drew frowns at her.

"Your voice sounds funny."

"Maybe it was the vodka. I had some."

"What? Annie, are you drunk?"

"No. I don't know...maybe..."

"If you're drunk your dad will murder me. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Annie protests, getting up and wobbling slightly. "Kind of."

"Maybe I should take you home."

Annie swears she's fine but as they go back downstairs she starts feeling sick. She finds her phone and manages to call Charlotte, begging her to come get her.

"Please," Annie asks desperately. "Don't let Dad get me."

"Okay, sit tight. I'm on my way."

Charlotte is there in record time. Drew waits with Annie but she convinces him to go back inside as soon as her sister arrives. It's a short walk from the house to the car but seems to take longer with the wobbling and, as Annie collapses into the passenger seat, Charlotte says, "Oh God, you're drunk."

"Maybe a little."

"What did you drink?"

"Just vodka and lemonade, I swear."

"How much?"

"Only a couple of glasses..."

"Sounds like they were big ones," Charlotte says grimly. "Mom and Dad will kill you."

"Don't tell them!" Annie pleads, managing to sit up. "Please, Charlotte! I want to see daylight again!"

That makes Charlotte laugh and she looks over at Annie.

"Okay, I'll cover for you. But only if you promise that's all that happened."

"I swear. I know I didn't drink anything else."

Annie groans the entire drive home, feeling sick to her stomach again. Charlotte makes her practise what she'll say when they get inside.

"If you start talking randomly they'll know. Say the sentence again."

Rory and Jess are surprised when their daughters come inside.

"It's not eleven yet," Rory says. "I thought you wanted to finish out your big high school party! And your dad or I were going to come get you."

"I had to run to the store and Annie called to say she had a headache," Charlotte says glibly. "So I offered to go get her. I hope that's okay."

"That's fine," Rory says. "I'm sorry you have a headache, sweetie."

"I'm fine," Annie says, trying to keep her voice steady. "But I think I'll just go to bed. Goodnight, guys."

"Goodnight, angel," Rory says, kissing her cheek. Jess looks somewhat suspicious but he simply says, "Goodnight, Annie-girl."

Annie manages to get up the stairs, Charlotte behind her and splashes water over her face. Unsteadily she gets into her bedroom, kicks off her shoes and falls sideways onto the bed. The last thing Annie is aware of is her sister placing a large glass of water beside her and turning off the light.

In the morning her head is pounding. Groaning, Annie sits up and sees beside her two painkillers which she down gratefully with the water. She is just wondering if she can bear going downstairs and trying to eat when there's a knock on the door and her sister comes in with a plate of toast and a large cup of coffee.

"Bless you," Annie says gratefully. She eats and drinks and adds, "I mean it, seriously. I owe you for life."

"I'm going to hold you to that," Charlotte says but she sounds serious. "Can I talk to you?"

"Okay..."

"I'm not trying to embarrass you," Charlotte tells her. "Or make you feel bad about sex."

"I told you I haven't...and I didn't last night, if that's the thing."

"It's not that," Charlotte says quietly. "Well, I'm glad nothing did last night."

Annie waits and Charlotte says, "Do you remember that guy I dated, Tyler?"

"The jerk?"

"Yeah, him. Well, I had sex with him. He was my first time. I don't know if you knew that."

Annie shrugs. She figured it was him or that guy Charlotte dated in her senior year of high school but has never asked.

Charlotte exhales and says, "It wasn't such a great idea."

"Are you sorry you had sex with him?"

"No - kind of, I guess. He turned out to be a real creep. But I don't really regret it - I learned about what I want and how a relationship shouldn't be, you know? I just wish I hadn't done it because of all the other stuff."

"What other stuff?"

"I felt like I should do it with him. No one pushed me into it or anything, but I was mad at the time, I was going through all that crap with Mom and Dad and Logan and I wanted to forget about it all. So I had sex. I figured we were going to anyway, so why not then? It wasn't the best reason. Annie...I don't think sex always has to have love to be good, or it's always like in the movies, but it isn't something you have to do if you're unsure. It doesn't make you more grown up."

"Is that why you think I want to do it? So I'll feel less of a kid?"

"I don't know if you think that," Charlotte says, looking into her eyes. "I just want you to know it should only be when you're totally ready and not because of what anyone says."

"I know," Annie says softly. "Thanks."

"But I don't want to make you feel bad if you do want to," Charlotte adds. "Just promise me you'll be careful. Do you need to get condoms?"

"I don't know."

"In case," Charlotte says and she drops a packet on her sister's bed, which Annie snatches up and hisses, "What are those?"

"Do you really have to ask me?"

"I can't believe you just dropped them on the bed!"

"Annie, I'm not saying you should use them. Only if you're totally ready, and when you are promise me you'll go to the doctor."

"Okay," Charlotte says, her face three different shades of red. "I will."

"Good," Charlotte says. She pats her sister's leg and says, "I just want you to be good with all this."

"I am."

Annie takes a shower, washing her embarrassment and hangover away. She's just pulled on some soft pants and sweatshirt when she hears her father shout, "Annie Emily Mariano!"

Annie hastens down the hall, a pit growing in her stomach. Use of a full name is never good and her heart stops as she enters her bedroom. Her parents are beside her bed and her mother is holding the box of condoms.

"Do you want to explain what these are?"

"We came to check on you and found these on your bed," Jess adds, his voice shaking. "Something you want to tell us?"

"It's not how it looks," Annie starts to say and her father shouts,

"You are not having sex!"

"Jess!" Rory exclaims and her dad goes on furiously, "You're too young. No way."

Annie loses her temper at that and shouts, "I'm eighteen this year! How old were you?"

"Don't answer me back," Jess says and Annie stares. Her father never says things like that. He always takes their opinion, even when they get mad, and her eyes fill with tears.

"You're just mad because I'm not a little kid anymore," she says, feeling the tears start to fall. "Charlotte and Richie grew up and you want to keep me a baby forever!"

"Annie, that's not true!" Rory protests and Annie turns furiously to her.

"Yes it is! Or you're freaking out because you think I'm going get pregnant like you did!"

"Can you blame us?" Jess exclaims, pointing at the box and Annie yells,

"So much for talking about being careful and having honest conversations! Isn't that what you've always said? And now I have a boyfriend and you're acting like I'm Daisy Miller!"

"This is too much responsibility," Jess says. "You're too young to -"

"No I'm not!"

"Annie-girl, listen -"

"Stop calling me that!" Annie shouts, making her father stare. "I'm too old for that baby name!"

Jess looks hurt but doesn't say anything. Annie simply glares at both her parents.

"Annie," Rory says, dropping the box and going over to her. "We're concerned, that's all. We didn't even know this was happening!"

"It's not!"

"Then why -"

"I gave them to her," Charlotte says and the three whirl around to stare at her.

"You _what?" _Jess exclaims and closes his eyes as Charlotte asks, "Do you want her getting pregnant?"

"I can't deal with this."

"Yes you can," Rory says, making his eyes open. "Let's talk. All of us, let's just talk."

"All of us?" Charlotte asks awkwardly. "Because I said I'd meet Ivy and -"

"No, not you," Rory says. "Just me, your dad and sister."

After Charlotte goes out Rory, Jess and Annie sit in the living room with a mug of coffee each.

"I haven't had sex," Annie says before either of her parents can say anything. "So you can relax."

Jess snorts and Rory gives him a look. "I believe you, sweets," she says. "But are you thinking about it?"

Annie is silent and Jess says, "You can talk to us."

"How can I talk to you guys when you freak out about it? I can't even go for coffee with Drew without constantly being called or texted. It's embarrassing. You're acting like I'm seven, not seventeen. You weren't like this when Charlotte or Richie. I remember."

Rory lets out a long breath and says, "Maybe we're more protective of you."

"Because I'm the youngest?"

"Because you're the youngest and because - Annie, you know our history. You were a surprise. Charlotte was a surprise and so was I."

"Me too, I think," Jess says, sounding embarrassed and Annie is embarrassed too as she says, "I get that, I do. But it's like you don't trust me. Drew's really nice."

"Your sister said she was dating a really nice guy and he was a total punk!"

"Drew's not Tyler! And she dated better guys after that, right?"

"Drew doesn't seem so bad," Rory admits. "Judging by the one, awkward dinner we had."

"I don't want you to get hurt," Jess says suddenly. "You're my girl. I know you're seventeen, you're growing up and I want you to grow up, Annie - but you're still my kid. And I couldn't stand it if this guy broke your heart."

"Dad..."

"Jess, you know Annie has to find that out for herself," Rory says softly and he nods.

"I know. I just have a hard time remembering it."

They sit in silence for a moment and to break it, Rory says she's going to make more coffee. Once she's out of the room Jess moves closer to Annie and says, "Listen. I'm going to say the same thing I said to your brother and sister."

"Okay," Annie says nervously and Jess takes a deep breath.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do, outburst before not included. I don't think there's anything wrong with you being with someone. I just want you to remember two things. Never have unprotected sex - ever."

"Dad!"

"Let me finish. Never take a chance. That's rule one. Rule two - never sleep with someone if they try and guilt you into it. You know, saying crap like sex is showing you care about them. Sex is never something you have to do. So that's what I want you to remember, okay?"

"I promise," Annie says softly and her father is pulling her into a hug.

"Part of me just wants to say no boyfriends ever - not until you're eighty. But I guess that's kind of extreme?"

"Maybe a little."

"I didn't know I was going to have a third kid," Jess says, looking at her. "You were a total surprise. And your mom and I, we were so scared, and you were born and we didn't know if you were okay right away. And even though you were, and you're practically grown up, I still remember you as my little baby girl I have to make sure is okay."

"I'm fine, Dad. I'm not a baby now."

"I know. I just have a hard time remembering that, Annie-girl. Do you really feel too old for that name?"

"No," Annie admits. "I like it."

Her father smiles, stroking her hair and then Rory comes in with the cups of coffee. She has an anxious look on her face and Jess gets up, saying something about needing the bathroom. Rory sits down in Jess's vacated spot and says, "Annie, I want you to tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me when you're going to have sex. I'll take you to the doctor and put you on the pill."

"Mom!"

"Annie, I mean it. I won't get mad, I promise."

"Will you freak out?"

"I can't promise I won't be worried, but I won't be mad at you. I want you to come to me."

"Really?" Annie asks and her mother sighs.

"Part of me wants to say you can't see him. That you're too young and it's too big a step and I don't want you to get hurt. But you're growing up and I want you to be safe. I just want you to know that it's never something you have to do."

"I know, Mom."

"And even if - even if you do sleep with him and change your mind, that's okay too. You know that, right?"

"Yes, Mom."

"And you swear you haven't done it yet?"

"I promise," Annie says and Rory is taking her hand and squeezing it.

"Onetime when I was sixteen I stayed out all night at a school dance and fell asleep with my boyfriend in a dance studio. It was completely innocent but my mom freaked out and didn't believe me when I said nothing happened."

"Really?"

"Yes. Although I did sleep with that guy years later...it was a bad decision."

Annie nods. She knows the gist of this story, mainly from Charlotte and Rory told her some recently.

"That's another thing I worry about...I don't want you do something you'll regret."

"You think I'll regret it?"

"No - not definitely. But I worry that you might, and then I remember I have to let you take that chance."

Annie isn't sure what to say and her mother lets out a long breath.

"Sometimes I felt like Mom expected me to be more adult, and sometimes I felt like she didn't expect me to be a teenager, which is why it was doubly weird, that night of the dance. But I think she was mad because my grandmother was there and I embarrassed her."

"I can't picture Nana freaking out."

"Oh, she did," Rory laughs. "Annie...you have no idea how many times I run over conversations in my head with you, and then how often they don't work out."

"Really?"

"Yup. With Richie and Charlotte too."

Annie smiles at her and rests her head on her mother's arm. They sit quietly before Annie admits, "I don't know if I will. With Drew, I mean."

"But you don't know if you won't?" Rory asks shrewdly. Annie shrugs and says, "Maybe. I don't know, Mom. Should I know?"

"No. You'll know when it's right."

"I will?"

"I hope so. Just tell me, angel. That's all I want you to do."

"I promise," Annie says. Rory gives her a hug and admits, "Sometimes I think back to stuff I went through with your brother and sister. I think about how I should've handled things differently, and how I should do it right with you, all the time, because you're the third one. And somehow I still make mistakes."

"Like how?"

"Like how Dad and I yelled at you before. We were just worried. We love you so much, Annie."

"I know. It's okay, Mom. I love you too."

Her father comes back in and finally Annie picks up her mug and drinks the coffee. Bliss.

"My headache's all gone," she says happily before hearing the words and her father sounds amused as he asks, "Hangover, you mean?"

"Dad, I -"

"We knew," Rory cuts in. "Grounded for a week, okay?"

"Okay," Annie sighs. They are interrupted by the door opening. Lorelai, Charlotte and Richie come in and Lorelai announces, "There's the third one! Come on, it's pancake time!"

"It is?" Annie asks and Richie remarks, "She said we had to wait for you."

"Couldn't have pancakes without our Annie-girl," Lorelai says fondly and Annie looks hopefully at Rory.

"Mom?"

"Grounding starts after pancakes. Come on, let's go!"

Annie smiles as they step out. This growing up thing is confusing but it helps being surrounded by those who love her best.


	9. Chapter 9

**Christmas chapter for the year Charlotte is two. Happy New Year!**

Stars Hollow is lit up for Christmas. Rory steers the car through the streets, glancing back to where her daughter is sitting on the backseat.

"Look Charlotte! Stars Hollow!"

"Stars!" her daughter exclaims, staring out of the window. Her blue eyes, decided by Lorelai as the Gilmore eyes, are wide with excitement. "Stars!"

Rory laughs, parking the car outside her mother's house and getting out. She has barely closed the car door when Lorelai comes out of the house, running down the steps and down the path, heedless of the icy snow, Paul Anka barking at her feet.

"Rory!"

"Hey Mom!" Rory shouts back. She unbuckles Charlotte, lifts her out and passes her straight to Lorelai who hugs her tightly.

"Both my girls," Lorelai says, giving Charlotte a big kiss. "Look at how big you've gotten!"

"You only saw Charlotte last week," Rory points out and Lorelai sticks out her tongue.

"She still looks bigger, don't you, honey?"

Charlotte stares at her grandmother, making Lorelai and Rory laugh.

"Okay, let's get you inside," Lorelai says, starting back up the steps with more caution. "It's freezing!"

Rory follows her mother into the house, carrying her and Charlotte's suitcases and dropping them in the hall with a thump.

"Rat bastards!"

"Language!" Lorelai admonishes, putting her hands over Charlotte's ears and Rory rolls her eyes with a grin.

"I believe you were the person who taught me that term for heavy luggage."

"Not until you were at least in Kindergarten," Lorelai coughs. "Anyway, how much stuff can a two-year-old need?"

"Too much," Rory sighs. "What with packing and listening to that kids' playlist all the way from Philadelphia, my head is spinning!"

"I'll make us some coffee," Lorelai promises. "Sit and relax, little daughter! It's Christmas!"

Rory nods, looking around the brightly decorated house and taking a contented breath. "It's good to be back."

"Good to have you back," Lorelai says, kissing her cheek. "Both of you. I don't think Charlotte is quite old enough for coffee -"

"Give it another a year!"

"But maybe some hot chocolate?"

"She'll love that, thanks Mom," Rory says. She sits down with Charlotte on the couch, looking at the familiar pictures, when her gaze rests and her eyes freeze. Rory's mouth is still hanging open when Lorelai brings the drinks over.

"What is it?" Lorelai asks, putting the cups down. "You look like I've made you decaf!"

"Um, Mom," Rory says slowly. "Why is that painting of me on the wall?"

Lorelai looks behind her to see the painting of Rory, made when she was seventeen and which once hung in Richard's study.

"It couldn't stay at Mom and Dad's old place."

"But why is it _here_?" Rory insists. "Here, in this house, on your living room wall?"

"Mom hadn't put it up!"

"That's not a reason for you to!"

"Sure it is!" Lorelai says, lifting Charlotte up so she can see it. "Look, Charlotte! It's your mama!"

"Mama!" Charlotte exclaims, pointing at the painting. "Mama!"

"Okay, it's freaking me out," Rory says, getting up. "That painting is horrible."

"No, it's great! Dad wanted it and look, it's a totally natural pose."

"I'm wearing that weird dress!"

"But you're reading, and that's natural! Be thankful - Grandma wanted you to have your arms above your head!"

"Thank you for the flashback, I remember," Rory grumbles. "My arms ached all afternoon!"

"And now you have that to remind you too."

"Yeah, thanks," Rory says sarcastically. Lorelai smiles sheepishly and says,

"Mom was talking about putting it in storage and I just couldn't let her - I always liked that painting of you."

"That's Emily coming out," Rory says and Lorelai's mouth hangs open.

"How very dare you."

"I'm kidding," Rory says. "It's fine, Mom. Kind of disconcerting seeing it here, but it's fine."

"Mama," Charlotte says again, sounding curious, and Lorelai gives her a bounce.

"That's right, angel."

"Bear," Charlotte says and Lorelai frowns over her head at Rory.

"Is this some nickname I haven't been clued in on?"

"She wants her bear," Rory explains, opening Charlotte's bag. "New obsession of the week. Crap, where is it...oh crap, I'm trying not to say _crap_! Dammit!"

"Big improvement," Lorelai remarks. "What's the crisis?"

"Bear's not here," Rory says grimly. "She'll have a meltdown."

"Uh-oh."

"I'll text Jess," Rory says, getting her phone out as Charlotte says _bear_ again. "I know, sweets. Bear's coming."

"That doesn't sound creepy at all," Lorelai comments. "What time is Jess getting here again?"

"Sometime after dinner - he's just got a few things to finish for Truncheon. I said we could all drive down together but Jess wasn't sure how long he'd be."

"Plus it gives you more time to see your glorious mother," Lorelai grins, and jumps as Charlotte lets out a shout. "Though I didn't figure in a bear meltdown."

"She can take a nap, and hopefully Bear will be on his way," Rory says seriously. "Come on, Charlotte! Naptime!"

Charlotte resists halfheartedly, crying for her bear, but soon she's dozed off in Rory's bedroom, a childhood bear of Rory's tucked in the crook of her arm and an old shirt of Luke's Charlotte uses as a blanket under her cheek.

"Crisis averted," Lorelai murmurs under her breath. "Doesn't she look adorable?"

"It's the sleep," Rory says but she smiles, tiptoeing over to brush Charlotte's hair away from her eyes. "She is adorable, isn't she?"

"It's her grandmother's dazzling genes," Lorelai jokes, putting an arm around Rory. "Let's go finish that coffee."

Now that Charlotte's asleep Rory lets herself feel how truly tired she is. She closes her eyes for a moment and Lorelai touches her hand, startling her.

"Hey - do you need a nap too?"

"No," Rory says, yawning. "Maybe. I'm okay."

"You sound tired."

"I am tired. It's been crazy at work and taking care of Charlotte and getting ready for Christmas, and she knows what Christmas is now, sort of. She's so excited."

"That's cute though."

"It's less cute when she's waking me up by shouting _Christmas_ in my face every morning," Rory says, making Lorelai laugh. "But it's cute she's so excited, you're right. I can't wait to take her to the Christmas Eve parade. Who's playing Santa this year?"

"Andrew."

"That's cool. He was kind of like Santa to me as a kid, ordering all those books."

"Don't I know it - I used to bring him a list of books you wanted before you were old enough to do it yourself. I remember one year you wanted them for Christmas and put them on your letter to Santa and I was so scared they wouldn't arrive in time. I'm pretty sure Andrew pulled a few strings."

"Maybe he is Santa after all," Rory says in mock-seriousness and Lorelai nods.

"But where does he keep the reindeer?"

"Miss Patty, maybe? She raises chickens."

"True," Lorelai agrees. "Or maybe Kirk...he has about a million jobs, after all."

Lorelai and Rory laugh, finishing their coffee, and Rory goes on to talk about the newest article she's working on and planning for the wedding she and Jess are having next year. Lorelai smiles over her cup and says, "You sound happy, kid."

"I am, Mom," Rory says, smiling back. "I am."

"I still can't believe you're getting married."

"Me neither."

"And to that punk," Lorelai jokes. "Man, if you'd told me back when you guys were seventeen that Luke's nephew was marrying you and tracking down a bear for your daughter I'd have broken something laughing."

"That's heartwarming," Rory says wryly. She looks down at her empty cup and feels a little sad. "I never thought I'd have Charlotte the way I did."

"Honey," Lorelai says, moving closer to her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to -"

"It's fine," Rory says quickly. "I'm okay - she's perfect, and I get to be her mom. How she got here doesn't matter, right?"

"Right," Lorelai says, squeezing her hand and Rory sighs.

"Logan sent a giant stuffed tiger."

"A _tiger_?"

"A tiger. It sings, too. Charlotte is terrified of it."

"Maybe it'll be the next step from the bear!"

"Gee, I hope not. It scares me too."

Lorelai laughs but she sounds concerned as she asks, "Have you spoken to Logan?"

"We're waiting for our annual Christmas phonecall," Rory says bitterly. "When Charlotte was born he said he'd call as much as he could. Sometimes he doesn't call for weeks and when he does, he sounds so uncomfortable."

"I guess it's an uncomfortable situation."

"I know...I just wish I could make it better. Charlotte's so young now but when she's older..." Rory's voice trails off and Lorelai hugs her arm around her shoulder, kissing the side of her daughter's head.

"Charlotte's got you, Jess, me and Luke and Mom, and she's going to be just fine. That's a promise."

"I know," Rory says, looking up and smiles as Lorelai adds, "She's a Gilmore. She's already awesome."

Lorelai puts on a Christmas movie and, without intending to, Rory falls asleep against her mother's shoulder and wakes up with a jump as the front door opens.

"Anyone home?"

"Luke!" Rory exclaims, sitting up and rubbing the crick in her neck. "Hey! Merry early Christmas!"

"Merry early Christmas!" Luke says warmly, putting down his bags of takeout and giving her a hug and then Lorelai. "And look who I found on the way here!"

Jess ducks inside, giving everyone a wave and laughing as Rory jumps up, demanding, "You're early, Mariano!"

"Good to see you too," Jess chuckles. "Got out sooner than planned."

Rory gives Jess a kiss and sighs in relief as she sees Charlotte's bear hanging in his hand, when, on cue, her daughter starts crying.

"Boy, are we glad to see you," Lorelai says seriously. "I've heard all about Bear!"

"On it," Jess says, lifting the stuffed animal up and going into Rory's room. "Where's my girl?"

Charlotte is sitting up in bed, sobbing, but when she sees Jess she lifts out her arms and says happily, "Daddy!"

"Daddy's here," Jess says, sitting on the bed and lifting Charlotte into his arms. "There's my girl. And look, I've got Bear!"

Charlotte sucks on her thumb, looks at the bear Jess has given her and hugs Rory's old one closer. "My bear," she says happily and Rory turns to Lorelai.

"I don't know if I should laugh or cry."

"Now you've got two!"

Charlotte is wide awake so they get her up and take her into the kitchen, where Rory pours her a glass of juice.

"Grandpa Luke!" Charlotte says joyfully upon sight of her grandfather, who gives her a kiss and makes her a Santa burger. Charlotte discards it after one bite but Luke simply remarks that she takes after Lorelai and pours Charlotte more juice. Jess carries Charlotte into the living room and, as Charlotte sips her drink, she catches sight of the painting of Rory again and says happily,

"Mama!"

"Oh, jeez!" Jess exclaims, staring at it. "What's that doing here?"

"That is a painting of my daughter, Jess!" Lorelai says indignantly. "You don't like it?"

"Not quite to my taste."

"Mom's teasing you," Rory says as Lorelai goes to make more coffee. "Didn't think it was her taste either...it's definitely not mine. I remember there was supposed to be a swan in that picture but it kept freaking out, and looked ready to attack."

"I told you swans are vicious birds," Jess says seriously and Rory laughs.

"That they are. I'm lucky it didn't beak me, huh? What with that and the deer hitting my car I haven't had much luck with wildlife."

They look at the picture a little longer. Seeing it again makes Rory almost feel that uncomfortable dress she'd had to wear for it, but it also reminds her of Richard, who'd put in his study. He'd been so happy it was worth the pain of posing and Rory smiles.

"That painting really creeps me out," Jess says to Rory, breaking her thoughts. "I'd almost forgotten it exists."

"Me too."

"Can I throw a towel over it?" Jess asks but smiles as his daughter says insistently to him, "Mama!"

"That's right, that's your mama," Jess says to Charlotte. "Wasn't she pretty?"

"I still am," Rory teases and then gives her daughter a kiss. "That's me a long time ago, Charlotte."

Charlotte, bored of art for the day, loudly announces that she needs the bathroom. Rory takes her and when she gets back finds that Jess has put a blanket over the painting.

"It's not that bad," Rory laughs and Jess protests, "It just weirds me out a little."

"I know. Mom really likes it for some reason."

"Because it's of you."

"There's a million photos of me," Rory protests and Jess says, "Yeah, but it's a special painting. Plus her dad wanted it...probably makes Lorelai think of him too."

Rory nods and Jess takes the blanket off before Lorelai comes back in. They look at it a moment longer until Charlotte runs past them, a Christmas cookie tight in her hand and Lorelai at her heels pretending to be annoyed.

The rest of the evening is spent eating too much (or just enough according to Lorelai and Rory) and catching up, Charlotte asleep with both bears beside her. The next day they go for a walk around Stars Hollow, admiring the lights, and Lorelai dresses Charlotte in a miniature Santa outfit, coaxed only away from taking pictures all evening by being reminded of the parade. Luke is talked into going with them under much duress, grumbling about tradition, but quietens as Charlotte starts getting excited to see Santa. They all head out, joined by Lane and her kids, but there's worried murmuring amongst the crowd as they arrive.

"What's wrong?" Lorelai asks Babette. "Did Kirk get stuck hanging up the Christmas lights again?"

"Andrew's sick as a dog," Babette says. "Was trying on his Santa suit earlier and bam! Puked all over the square."

"Oh no," Lorelai groans. "Poor Andrew."

"Please tell me they cleaned the square," Rory says queasily but her nausea is far from abated as Babette cheerfully tells her Petal took care of it. "Is Andrew okay?"

"He's fine, sugar," Babette promises. "Just got a high fever and talking about elves dancing on the ceiling!"

"Sounds like a real Tom Wolfe Christmas," Jess whispers to Rory who giggles guiltily.

"Who's taking his spot?" she asks and Babette spreads her hands.

"No one, far as I can tell, that's the problem. Andrew only just got sick and the parade is starting in five minutes!"

"Charlotte's going to be so disappointed," Rory says sadly. "Honey, Santa might not make it, okay?"

"No Santa?"

"He had to see a man about an elf," Jess jokes but picks Charlotte up as her lower lip starts trembling. "Hey, it's okay kiddo, he's still going to come later. He's just busy right now."

Charlotte sniffles into Jess's neck and he kisses her curly hair beneath the Santa hat. "You're like Santa too, dressed like that!"

"Look, angel," Rory says. "Aren't the lights pretty?"

Charlotte is unappeased. They go over to a stand to buy hot chocolate before the parade starts and Rory smiles, remembering the Christmas she was pregnant and Jess had gotten her hot chocolate and doughnut after the van had closed. She'd been so sad, that Christmas, but that night had been perfect and she leans up to give her fiancé a kiss.

"Your mouth tastes of chocolate," Rory says and Jess grins.

"That a problem?"

"Nope, a bonus."

They kiss again and break apart as Lorelai asks, "Hey, where's Luke?"

"He was here a second ago," Rory says, looking around. "Maybe he went back to the house?"

Lorelai frowns. "He would have told me."

"Maybe he had to run over to the diner," Jess suggests. "Luke'll show up in a minute, I'm positive."

Lorelai nods but she stares around at the crowd. "Maybe I should go look for him."

"Mom, the parade's starting."

They all look up as the procession starts, lanterns gleaming in the dark. Rory hugs Charlotte closely to her, breathing in her soft warmth, and then jumps as her daughter shrieks, "Santa!"

Someone has filled in after all. The surprise Santa marches along, sack on his back, ringing a bell and calling, "Merry Christmas!"

Rory stops in disbelief and a glance at her family shows they're thinking the same. It can't be.

"Luke?" Lorelai exclaims and the Santa stops, saying under his breath, "I'll explain later. Merry Christmas!"

Rory looks over at Jess to see him laughing so hard he's almost doubled over and starts laughing herself, almost dropping her daughter who is wriggling with excitement.

"Santa! Santa! I want to see Santa!"

"She's as bold as you are," Rory remarks to Lorelai and nods as Luke stops to take Charlotte's hand. "Go on, sweets! It's Santa!"

"I remember when it was you in those parades," Lorelai says fondly as they watch Charlotte walk in the parade with Luke, eyes wide with excitement and her costume matching his. "You were just as cute."

"I can't believe Luke did that for her."

"I can," Lorelai says and Rory smiles.

"Actually, I can too."

After the parade when Luke has given out all the gifts in the sack, they head back to the house. Before Jess has opened his mouth Luke holds up a hand.

"Not one word, nephew."

"Just wanted to know if there was anything in that sack for me, St Nick."

"More of the lump of coal variety."

"I'll bet," Jess grins. "Thought you hated tradition?"

"Anything else, wiseguy?"

"Yes," Jess says, stopping. Luke stops as well, looking defensive, but smiles as Jess says sincerely, "It was really great of you to step in like that."

"Couldn't disappoint Charlotte," Luke says simply. "I know how excited she was."

"Thank you," Rory says and her stepfather smiles, hugging his arm around her.

"It was my pleasure."

It's less fun getting Charlotte ready for bed. She's hyped up on sugar and general Christmas excitement and even once she's been convinced into getting changed into her new pyjamas, which also have Santa on, Charlotte runs up and down the hall shouting, "Christmas!" at the top of her lungs.

"It's bedtime," Rory says firmly. "Christmas won't come if you don't go to sleep."

Her daughter stares at her blankly and then shouts, "Christmas!" yet again.

"Come on, little miss," Jess says, lifting her up. "Time for sleep."

Charlotte allows her parents to tuck her into bed, both bears beside her, and finally closes her eyes after a story. Rory and Jess back out, holding their breath, and stay up a little later after Lorelai and Luke have turned in for the night.

"I can't believe Christmas is tomorrow," Rory groans and Jess grins.

"I can. Our daughter's reminded us of it enough times."

"Too many."

"One day she'll be a moody teenager and won't want to celebrate Christmas at all."

"Don't ever say those things, Jess Mariano," Rory says, sitting up. "Not our little girl!"

"She'll still be our teenager."

"That's a million years away," Rory says sleepily and smiles as Jess says, "We'll be married then too."

"I know...crazy."

"Not crazy - it makes total sense."

"Not arguing."

Rory sits up, putting her arms around Jess and kisses him. He kisses her back, smiling into her mouth and as they lie down together on the couch the living room door bursts open. Rory and Jess break apart like guilty teenagers as their daughter walks in, rubbing her eyes.

"Christmas?" she asks sleepily and Rory says gently, "Not yet, sweets. Go back to bed."

"Want up," Charlotte says and, although Rory and Jess are trying to get her to sleep through the night, Jess goes over, lifts her into his arms and carries her over to the couch.

"Here we go," he says gently. Charlotte snuggles between them, sucking her thumb.

"Sleepy," she tells them, eyelids drooping. Jess gives her a kiss and they see that Charlotte has fallen asleep. Rory gently takes her back to bed, tucking her in, and tiptoes back to find that Jess has dozed off too. Rory watches him, half-amused and half-disappointed and then climbs onto the couch with him, lying beside him.

"Rory?" Jess asks sleepily and Rory gives him a small kiss.

"Merry Christmas, Jess."

"Love you," Jess says, half-asleep. Rory closes her eyes, just for a moment, and the next thing she knows someone is jumping all over her.

"CHRISTMAS!"

"Yes, it is," Rory groans, wondering how such a small person can be so loud. "Don't jump on my leg, sweets."

"CHRISTMAS!"

"Did someone say it's Christmas?" Jess exclaims, getting up and swinging Charlotte into his arms, making her roar with laughter. "Merry Christmas, Charlotte!"

Rory watches them for a moment, her heart full. Right now, nothing matters. The only thing Rory knows is that Jess is Charlotte's father in the ways that matter, it's Christmas morning and she's so happy she can't speak. She smiles and smiles at them until Charlotte shouts, "Mama!"

"Merry Christmas, sweets!" Rory exclaims, getting up and giving her daughter a big kiss. "You're still the best gift I've ever gotten."

Jess hugs her and Charlotte tightly until Lorelai and Luke come in, and talk turns to Christmas wishes and excitement over opening the gifts under the tree (a contest between Lorelai and Charlotte).

"Luke, you going to dress up as Santa again?" Jess teases and Luke points at him.

"Onetime thing, my friend. Next year it's your turn."

"I'd like to see that," Rory teases. They gather around the tree and Lorelai's eyes meet Rory's. Mother and daughter smile and Rory remembers all their Christmases, just the two of them but no less magical. It's a long time ago but equally, no time at all.

"Merry Christmas, Mom."

"Merry Christmas, Rory."

They turn to Charlotte, the newest Gilmore girl, who's reading the picture book Jess gave her with joy in her eyes and Rory's heart swells. She loves her daughter so much it hurts and, without getting what Luke would call sappy, isn't this what Christmas is all about? This is what Rory remembers, from those Christmases before. Not that it was a small occasion, not the stress of going to her grandparents - it was the love of it all. Love for her mother and now love for her daughter. Rory looks around at her family and relaxes into the bliss of it. _Merry Christmas._


	10. Chapter 10

**Just a quick chapter about Charlotte when she's twelve. Writing to get us through the pandemic! Hope you enjoy!**

Charlotte stares out of the dusty car window, book hanging limply in her hand. They have arrived at Lorelai's for the weekend, something she usually loves, but today Charlotte feels strangely resistant. She is twelve years old on this hot summer's afternoon and while she doesn't know where it is she'd rather be, Charlotte knows it's not here. Annie is squirming between her and Richie, desperate for the bathroom, and the moment Rory stops the car Richie leaps out, tugging his sister's seatbelt off for her. Lorelai is waiting on the porch but Annie stumbles past her, simply wailing, "Need to pee!"

"Got it," Lorelai says, eyebrows crinkling as she laughs. "Hey guys!"

"Hi Mom!" Rory exclaims, giving her mother a quick hug. "Just going to check on the bathroom situation."

"If she got pee on the floor I'm not going in there," Richie declares and sighs as Lorelai says, "Well, you're not going in the yard if she did. You good, Cool Dude?"

Richie hugs his grandmother in answer and, as he follows Rory into the house, Lorelai looks over at Charlotte.

"Hey, sweets. Do I get a hug?"

Charlotte gives Lorelai a small smile, awkwardly hugging her and feels embarrassed as Lorelai holds her tightly and places a kiss on the top of her head.

"You okay?" she asks, stepping back and looking into her granddaughter's eyes. Charlotte nods, making herself smile again and to her relief Lorelai turns her attention to Jess who is getting the last of their things from the car. Charlotte wanders into the house to see Rory lead Annie out of the bathroom and say gratefully, "All good."

Richie wastes no time running past them and slamming the door shut and, eyebrows raised, Rory remarks, "Good thing Mom's lawn was spared."

"What's that about my lawn?" Lorelai asks, coming in with Jess, and chuckles as Rory says, "You don't want to know."

"I bet. Okay, who wants coffee? There's lemonade for the smaller guests."

"I'm not a small guest," Charlotte says indignantly and Lorelai laughs, pulling on one of Charlotte's curls.

"Maybe so, but you're not a teenager yet Miss Charlotte. Can I interest you in a cookie to make up for it?"

"I want a cookie!" Annie shouts and laughs as Lorelai picks her up, whirling her around.

"I haven't had my hug yet!"

Annie gives Lorelai a big kiss on the cheek, giggling, but Lorelai lowers her to the ground as Rory says nervously, "I don't know if spinning her around the room is great after she's been in the car that long."

"I only had to pee, Mommy," Annie says indignantly, making everyone laugh. Lorelai starts making the drinks and Charlotte drifts out of the room, pulling on the petal of a plant in a vase. Why are her family so embarrassing? Why does she have to put up with a nine-year-old brother and a three-year-old sister who both, worryingly, love talking about their bathroom habits? And her parents find it funny! Why was she born into this family? Of course, a nasty voice in Charlotte's mind whispers, she half wasn't. She has another father.

To shake it, Charlotte goes to the bathroom herself, running the hot water over her hands until it starts to smart. When she comes out Lorelai has the lemonade prepared and, although Charlotte is still campaigning for coffee, she accepts a large glass. It always tastes perfect, Charlotte thinks as she alternates large gulps with bites of her cookie. Her attempts never come close, even without including the time she accidentally used salt instead of sugar. Just thinking of it makes Charlotte's nose wrinkle and she puts the glass down.

They walk over to the diner for Luke's, Annie insisting on holding Lorelai's hand. Rory is walking with Richie and Charlotte falls into step with Jess. They walk silently for a little while until Jess asks, "What's going on with you?"

"What do you mean, Dad?"

"Nothing - just wondering how your day's going, what you're thinking about," Jess says mildly. "You were quiet in the car."

Charlotte shrugs. She thinks of saying how middle school is the worst, how spending the morning in the car was the worst, and how she didn't get an email from Logan this morning. Jess is looking at her expectantly but Charlotte simply says, "I don't feel like talking."

"Oh," Jess replies, sounding a little hurt. "Okay."

They walk quietly and Charlotte bites her lip. She feels like she should be saying sorry but it's true, she doesn't want to talk. She doesn't want to hurt her dad either and finally Charlotte asks, "Are you okay, Dad?"

"I'm fine," Jess says, his voice normal again. "I'm walking with my girl, of course I'm good. I just want to know if you are."

"I'm fine," Charlotte says firmly, hoping saying it makes it true. Jess puts his arm around her, making Charlotte embarrassed again, but she doesn't shake it off. When did it start, this awkwardness? Charlotte used to hold her father's hand without thinking and suddenly just walking beside him became strange.

Luke hurries around the counter to greet them, beaming, and wraps all three of his grandchildren into a hug at once and lifts Annie onto the counter. Seeing her charm the customers reminds Charlotte of the photos of her in the diner as a toddler, dressed in an apron with her own notepad. Lorelai had a thing for putting her in silly costumes. The waitress one is kind of cute, Charlotte has to admit, apart from one when she got hold of the ketchup bottle and poured it all over herself. There is a picture of her right after the fact, eyes wide and ketchup smeared in her hair, and whenever Jess sees it he bursts out laughing. Charlotte finds it funny and humiliating all at the same time, and right now it leans to the latter. Lorelai took new photos of Annie in the diner not too long ago and right now, no one is comparing them to the ketchup incident. Jess has just been talking about how cute the new shots are.

Luke starts putting burgers and fries onto plates for everyone and hurriedly places them down before running to grab the phone, the cord tangling as he walks. No one will even try telling him to get a new one. Absently, Charlotte chews a fry as she looks out of the window, seeing Lane and her boys walk down the street. They'll go over there later, which won't be too bad. Aunt Lane has great music and Steve and Kwan are cool too, so cool that Charlotte gets shy around them. She doesn't want to sound like a dumb kid. If she ties her hair back, will she look older? Will it stop her mouth doing that garbled babble thing? Charlotte's pondering is cut short as Richie kicks her leg and, angrily, she throws a fry at him and he throws one back before Jess lifts their plates up, giving a standard parent warning. _Whatever_, Charlotte silently sulks in retort. She's too mature for a little brother anyway.

Charlotte eats half of her burger and most of the fries before pushing away her plate.

"You're not hungry?" Rory asks in surprise and frowns as Charlotte says, "I just feel kind of weird." Her mother places a hand on Charlotte's head before she can stop her and remarks, "You don't seem sick."

"I said I'm fine," Charlotte says impatiently, getting up. "Can I go back?"

"Back by yourself? We're not done yet."

"But we're going back to Grandma's after this, right?" Charlotte says impatiently. "Please Mom - I just want to go lie down."

"I thought you didn't feel sick."

"I don't, I just -" Charlotte lets out an impatient breath and says, "I'm kind of tired. Can I go back to the house?"

"I'll go with you."

"I'm not a baby!" Charlotte whines. "I can walk home by myself!"

"Charlotte, you're too young to be home by yourself."

"But Mom...!"

Rory is undeterred and Charlotte marches ahead of her in frustration, enjoying how each thump of her foot sends up a cloud of dust. Sweat is streaming down her sides, making her arms sticky. When she was younger she used to get excited for Lorelai to set up the sprinkler on hot afternoons, but Charlotte feels too old for it. She's too old for kid stuff and too young to be left alone and grouchily Charlotte kicks a stone out of the way.

"Nice mood you're in," Rory remarks. "Want to talk about it?"

"No," Charlotte says sullenly, making her mother raise her eyebrows. She's reminded all over again about not getting an email that morning. She hates Logan. She hates everyone and suddenly Rory is stepping in front of her, making her stop.

"I don't know what's got you in this funk, but you're not going to Lane's if you're going to sulk like this."

"I don't care," Charlotte says, her face crumpling and then she's running as fast as she can, past the gazebo and down to the house. What's wrong with her, she thinks as she catches her breath. She's _crying! _Charlotte never used to cry like this or get mad like this, not without something happening, and definitely never when she visited Nana Lorelai. Charlotte cries silently into her arms until Rory comes into sight but, before she can try and explain to her mother, Babette and Miss Patty are stopping and talking to her. Charlotte slowly gets up and lets herself into the house with the key inside the turtle. It feels good to have space, even if only for five minutes.

Charlotte kicks off her shoes and wanders into her mother's bedroom, lifting her fingers to the lace on the curtain and catching her reflection in the glass. Her cheeks are pink, her brown hair mussed and tangled. Does she look as awkward as she feels? Being twelve feels like a punishment for something. Charlotte's body has betrayed her this year. Her chest was always stubbornly flat until one day, before she'd even noticed it was happening, two bumps had pushed out, making use of the bra she'd been wearing to no avail. Charlotte hates her bra. It sticks to her chest, the cups bagging, and Charlotte is caught between wanting something to actually fill it or not having to deal with it at all. Her hips have started jutting out and all her old clothes are too tight and Charlotte hates it, with every fibre of her being. She wants to just go back to two years ago when she never even thought about having a body. Now something seems to be changing every day, with no sign of stopping, and Charlotte lies down on the bed, anxiously running a hand across her new curves. _Slow down_, she orders silently. _Slow down_. If all of this wasn't enough, she's had a weird tightness across her back and front for the past two days, ebbing and flowing. Charlotte was scared she was getting sick but it eased off last night and she'd chalked it down to too much Chinese food, but here it is again, just as it was in the diner. She feels the ache wrap around her and balls up her hands until it loosens again. Maybe Rory will have to take her home early. Where is her mother? Miss Patty and Babette must be gabbing even more than usual.

Getting up, Charlotte meanders over to the shelves, pulling out and skimming over some of the books and half-heartedly reads a few pages before putting them back. She can't concentrate. The collection of pictures on the desk tugs her eye and Charlotte lifts them, examining the teenage version of her mother. Will she ever look like that? It seems impossible. Charlotte can't picture herself at sixteen, as an adult, but maybe that'd be better than this. Being twelve can't last forever, right?

With that in mind, Charlotte goes into the bathroom. She pulls her shorts and underwear down and stops, frozen. _No_. This can't be happening - not now, not ever if Charlotte could decide it. There is a rusty stain in her underpants and Charlotte yelps, staring at it. Is this her period?

"Mom!" Charlotte shouts desperately. "MOM!"

The house is stubbornly silent. Not knowing what to do, Charotte stuffs her underwear with toilet paper and scrubs at her hands before carefully walking out, her heart thumping. She doesn't have a cellphone and her parents and grandmother took theirs with them. _Think! _What if Rory doesn't come back until Jess joins her? Charlotte can't bear the thought of waiting for everyone to come back at once and, looking around the room, her eyes rest on Lorelai's landline. Charlotte very rarely sees it in use but knows it still works - Grandpa Luke likes to call people on it. On wobbly legs, Charlotte walks over and dials the number Rory made her remember. It rings a few times and then a puzzled voice answers, "Charlotte? Is that you?"

"Mom," Charlotte says, her voice shaking, and then Rory sounds scared as she asks, "Honey, what's going on?"

"I need you to come home!"

"Charlotte, what's _wrong?"_

"I need you," Charlotte says, starting to cry. "I need you right now!"

"Charlotte, what happened?"

"I got my period!" Charlotte shouts, the words echoing through the empty house. "Mom, I don't know what to do!"

"I'm coming," Rory says, sounding gentle now. "Sit tight, angel. It's okay."

Charlotte hangs up the phone, tears dripping down her nose. Hugging her knees to her chest, she sits tightly on the couch until her mother's key turns in the lock and Rory runs into the house.

"I'm here, Charlotte!"

Charlotte jumps up, throwing herself into Rory's arms like a little kid and her mother holds her tightly for a moment, kissing her cheeks.

"I'm sorry - Patty wouldn't let me leave until this kid showed me some dance number and I figured it'd only be a few minutes...are you okay?"

Charlotte can't stop crying and Rory rocks her for a minute.

"It's okay, angel. It's okay. Well, a period kind of sucks but you're okay."

Rory sits Charlotte on the couch where she gives her a large glass of lemonade and rummages through her purse. She looks through again, peering into the bag and sighs.

"What?" Charlotte asks and Rory says, "I don't have anything you can use. I'm sorry - I thought I had a pad in here but guess not."

"What do I do?" Charlotte asks, feeling panicky and vigorously shakes her head as Rory says, "We'll have to go to Doose's."

"No! No way!"

"But -"

"Everyone will know," Charlotte sobs. "I don't want them to know!"

"They don't have to know they're for you!"

"They will!"

"Honey, it's nothing bad," Rory says, sitting beside her daughter. "There's nothing wrong with buying that stuff."

Charlotte starts crying again and Rory sighs, patting her daughter's leg.

"Okay, I get it. I remember the first time I bought pads in Doose's and I was so mortified, because it was this new cashier I had a crush on, and I just couldn't deal with that."

"What did you do?" Charlotte asks, sniffling, and Rory laughs.

"I dumped it all in the food aisle and bought candy instead, which actually came in helpful. I went back for the other stuff like an hour later, when the cute guy was on his break."

"So it was okay?"

"Not really, because Babette was there and she gave me this whole speech about womanhood right there at the register," Rory says, making Charlotte giggle. "But it was okay. You'll be okay."

"Mom, I really don't want to go to the store."

"I know," Rory says, and pulling out her cellphone, she says, "Option B - I get Mom to buy it for you. Is that reasonable?"

"I guess," Charlotte says, wiping her eyes. She's not thrilled with one more person knowing, but figures Lorelai would find out anyway. Rory makes the call and less than fifteen minutes later Lorelai is back, a bag laden in her arms which she drops on the table and says proudly, "For all your needs, seeing how you're a woman now!"

In the bag is a box of sanitary pads and tampons, painkillers, chocolate and a Judy Blume book. Charlotte feels kind of overwhelmed and, taking the sanitary towels says, "Thank you, Nana."

"It's the least I can do," Lorelai says seriously. "My mom just pointed at a cupboard of the stuff when I was eleven and said it would be there when I needed it. End of discussion, and she wondered why I got pregnant? Not that I wanted to discuss it with her! And this one gave me a pro and con list!"

"Mom!" Rory exclaims, blushing. "You make it sound like I wrote it the second I got it!"

"It was close enough!"

"What was on the list?" Charlotte can't help asking and Rory coughs.

"Pros were being able to get pregnant, though I added a caveat that I didn't know if was really a positive, not having to do PE and not feeling like a little kid. The cons were stuff like cramps. But I didn't even have a frame of reference at that point, and I sucked so much at PE that the teachers didn't care if I had it or not."

"Then when you got it you just tore the list up and said it was all a cosmic joke anyway," Lorelai laughs and Rory nods.

"It is!"

"Glad to hear it," Charlotte says awkwardly, getting up. "I'll be right back."

She doesn't dare ask more about the cosmic joke. As Charlotte emerges from the bathroom Lorelai asks, "Are you okay, sweets?"

"I'm fine...it just feels weird."

"Yeah, I know," Lorelai says sympathetically. "It sucks - I remember."

"I also remember how you'd steal half my pad supply," Rory says grumpily. "Usually right when I needed one too!"

"Well, those happy days are behind us now!"

"I don't want it," Charlotte says, eyes brimming. "Make it go away!"

"Honey," Rory says, pulling her into a hug. "It's not something bad!"

"Um, yeah it is," Lorelai says and, after Rory's glare, she sits down with them and says, "It's not all bad, Charlotte. It means you're growing up!"

"It just means I can have a baby," Charlotte sniffles. "Big deal."

"Maybe don't say that to your dad," Rory says, sounding amused. "But Charlotte, it doesn't just mean that. It means you're getting older."

"I don't want to get older!" Charlotte sobs. "I hate getting older! I miss being a kid!"

"You don't want to be a kid forever," Lorelai says gently and Charlotte says fiercely, "Yes I do! I hate wearing a bra and feeling weird and having this, I hate this! I want it to stop!"

"It's not all bad, growing up," Rory says, squeezing Charlotte's arm. "You can be independent, live your own life, and maybe someday you'll fall in love."

"I don't want to fall in love! I can't even talk to boys!"

"What boys?"

"No one," Charlotte mumbles, blushing, and her mother and grandmother exchange a look. "I just hate all of this!"

"It's not going to be this bad forever," Rory says, lifting her daughter's chin up. "You're just at an awkward stage. We all go through it."

"Unfortunately, when your heart is involved, it all comes out in moron," Lorelai says seriously. "That never changes, but you know, we'll be here. And we might be your mom and grandma but we felt just the same as you did, and we got through it."

"I promise it'll be okay," Rory says, kissing the top of Charlotte's head. "Now I say we break out that chocolate!"

"And a cup of coffee," Lorelai says and, eyes wide, Charlotte sees Lorelai bring in three cups and pass one to her.

"Really, I can drink coffee too?"

"Big day, you becoming a woman," Lorelai says, sitting beside her. "Well, not totally, but you're starting to grow up, that's big. It certainly calls for a cup of coffee."

Slowly, Charlotte lifts the cup to her lips and breathes in the scent before taking a deep sip. It's bitter and steaming and after a moment Charlotte knows she loves it. Swallowing, she takes another, beaming across cup and making Lorelai and Rory laugh.

"She's definitely a Gilmore," Lorelai says proudly as Charlotte finishes the cup. "Welcome to the club!"

"But you're not drinking as much as we are," Rory says hastily. "You're still only twelve!"

"Can I just have one more cup - _please?"_

They compromise on half and then Jess, Richie and Annie come in, talking over each other. Richie and Annie announce they've almost perfected a cartwheel, insisting that their mother and grandmother watch, leaving Jess and Charlotte alone in the room. Jess looks at Charlotte and the bag she hasn't put away yet and Charlotte feels a deep blush fill her cheeks.

"I'm fine," she mumbles. "So you don't have to ask."

"Okay," Jess says gently, sounding a little embarrassed himself. "But if you need anything..."

"Grandma covered it."

"So it seems," Jess says, nodding at the bag. "Not that I'm an expert."

"I'm fine," Charlotte says again, picking up the bag and hiding it with the blanket. "We don't need to talk about it."

Jess nods, still looking at her, and their attempt at conversation is broken as Richie and Annie run back into the house, desperate to try a handstand. Once they've settled down Annie lifts up a magazine left on the couch and proudly reads a brand new word, causing her parents and grandmother to exclaim with excitement and get out the camera. Whilst Charlotte wanted a little peace, she can't help thinking it's typical that Annie is taking the attention. Along with that Charlotte feels a kind of angry tightness inside. She wishes she had nothing to worry about, and was learning to read new words instead of learning a new element to her body.

They go to Lane's that night and, although she doesn't say anything, Charlotte can tell Lane knows from the gentle way she talks to her that Rory must have said something. Steve and Kwan leave soon after dinner so Charlotte doesn't have to worry too much about forming words. It's a shame, she thinks as she pats the updo she tried putting her hair in, that she worried about it for nothing. The hairstyle is coming loose and, impatient, Charlotte shakes it out. It's a hot night and she goes outside for a moment, eating some chips and sipping soda as she looks at the stars. She's so intent on them that she jumps as Jess comes out and says, "Mind if I join you?"

"Sure," Charlotte says quietly. She braces herself, positive her father will give some embarrassing speech, but they stand in silence for a moment until he says, "You don't have to talk to me about this stuff - I know it's kind of embarrassing and you've got your mom and Lorelai. But if you want to, you can."

Charlotte nods in the dark and Jess looks over at her, adding, "You can talk to me about anything, Charlotte. I don't mean just this."

"I know," Charlotte says and somehow, not having an email from Logan doesn't feel quite as bad. She doesn't want to talk about it but she feels okay, standing here with her dad. He'll probably do some dorky father stuff tomorrow, she's sure, like make a book pun or three. He might even buy her a book, which makes Charlotte smile to think of. That part's not so dorky. They stand outside for a while, looking at the stars, but as they turn to head back in Charlotte takes Jess's hand. He looks surprised, smiles, and squeezes it back. Charlotte drops it as they walk through the door but still feels less awkward than before.

Charlotte wakes up early the next morning in her mother's bed. Richie and Annie are passed out on the floor in sleeping bags, breathing heavily, and don't wake as their sister steps over them. Padding into the kitchen greets Charlotte with the sight of Lorelai making a pot of coffee.

"Ah! Just in time!" Lorelai announces and Charlotte smiles bashfully as she asks, "Want a cup?"

"A real cup?"

"If by a real cup you mean a full one, then yes, but you might have to negotiate for two."

Charlotte sits at the table and as Lorelai pours one her mother enters the room, yawning.

"Good morning," she says, smiling at her mother and daughter. "May I join you?"

"Since when have you ever asked for a cup of coffee?" Lorelai scoffs, indicating with the percolator. "Your cup's right there."

For a moment they all sit silently, sipping the brew, and a new kind of happiness spreads through Charlotte. This feels different than usual, like she's part of a secret club. They drink their coffee until Lorelai lifts her cup.

"To the newest, fully fledged Gilmore," she announces. "We're thrilled you could join us."

"Are you okay, sweets?" Rory asks, putting her arm around Charlotte, who smiles at her.

"I'm happy to be a Gilmore."

"You sure you just don't want more coffee?" Lorelai teases and Charlotte laughs. It's that too but she's happy she's here, in this moment, with her mother and grandmother on this special morning. Growing up isn't so awful after all.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter where Rory and Charlotte travel to see a college.**

Rory and Charlotte are on a train. They are going to New York for the day, to tour NYU and walk around the city afterwards. The original plan was to drive but Rory has had to take her car to the garage and Jess is away for a conference. The train sways gently and Charlotte looks out at the window, enjoying the scenery passing by. She's not disappointed by the change in plan. A glance back shows that her mother has got her book out but it floats gently back into her lap as Rory's gaze goes to the window, her mind elsewhere. Charlotte watches her for a moment until her mother catches her eye and, embarrassed, Charlotte smiles and checks her phone. It feels strange to going to New York and not hit all the usual spots this time. They won't have time to see it all after the tour. Logan's out of town so they can't see him either, but Charlotte isn't very sorry about that. She wonders if he'll want to see her more if she moves there, if she'll even want to. Maybe he won't care either way. Charlotte doesn't want to think about that and distracts herself with a game until her mother lets out a yawn.

"Is it coffee time yet?" Rory asks and laughs as Charlotte says, "It's always coffee time, Mom."

"Agreed."

Rory gets out a thermos and pours out two cups, five times as stronger than what's being sold on the train. Charlotte takes an appreciative sip and then another as she thinks over the coming week. She has to finish a few more applications, help her dad in Truncheon and hopefully hang out with Ivy too, and her boyfriend, Alec. Charlotte can already imagine how their date will go, a rehash of all their latest conversation, and feels tired at the thought. It must show on her face as Rory asks, "What's up?"

"What?"

"You look worried about something."

Charlotte shrugs. "Just college stuff."

"Okay," Rory says. Mother and daughter drink more coffee and lapse back into silence. Charlotte stares back out of the window, thinking. What's wrong with her? She should want to see Alec. He's her boyfriend and they've been together since almost the start of senior year. It's spring now. They have the best time together - Charlotte loves being with him, spending the day in town. Onetime they even went to New York. She loves just hanging out with him, doing nothing and goofing around. The sex is good too, way better than the times with Tyler - not that it's much comparison - and it's never awkward or, if it is, only in a funny way. Charlotte has so much fun with him. She knew she wanted to be with him ever since their first date at a coffee shop where they couldn't stop talking about movies and the new show no one is watching but should and the dorky music they both love. Right before they left, Charlotte laughed so hard she knocked her coffee over her shirt and was so embarrassed Alec spilt some too to make her feel better. He always makes her smile. So what's wrong with her- why has everything with him just felt the same lately? What's going to happen when they go to college?

Rory settles back into her book and Charlotte picks up her phone. She scrolls a little but can't concentrate and it seems Rory feels the same as she puts the book on the table between them.

"I can't believe we're going to see a college. I can't believe you're _going_ to college!"

"Is this going to be a Rory Gilmore sentimental speech?"

"One of my finest. I swear it was just the other day you were starting high school - forget that, more that you were starting elementary school. Or being a baby, even, and Richie and Annie weren't born yet."

"Original and best," Charlotte teases but her mom looks a little bright around the eyes as she laughs.

"You were my first baby and now you're getting ready for college. It doesn't feel that long ago since I went to college, since the day I went to look at Yale with Mom and Grandma and Grandpa. That was a crazy day."

"What happened?"

"Oh, Grandpa told me he was just going there for some nostalgia trip - he was part of this singing group called the Whiffenpoofs."

Charlotte and Rory giggle a little until Rory remarks, "He took it very seriously. Anyway, he wanted me and Mom to go with him and Mom was totally against it. She didn't want me to go to Yale - we had this whole plan that I'd go to Harvard and break away from the Yale tradition - but I convinced her it was just for Grandpa's trip down memory lane. And the day was actually really fun, at first, even after Grandma insisted on bringing an umbrella, raincap and a change of clothes. Grandpa showed me his favourite places on campus and where he proposed to Grandma and told me a really cute story about how Mom stole his Yale diploma when she was a kid. And then we were walking through the great hall and the next thing I knew, I was being whisked into the admissions office for an interview."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"Was Nana mad?"

"Understatement of the century."

"Were you?"

"I was more mad that Grandpa lied to me. If he'd really wanted me to go, I'd have interviewed just to make him happy. I hate being blindsided by things and I especially hated not being prepared back then. I was wearing jeans, my hair was unbrushed and I told the Dean Gloria Estefan was my role model - I felt so stupid and unprepared."

"But you went there in the end," Charlotte points out and Rory nods thoughtfully.

"I guess his plan worked in a way. Even now it kind of rankles - I wish he'd just asked me. Not Richard Gilmore's style, I guess. I still wonder what would have happened if I'd gone to Harvard instead."

Charlotte waits for a moment and, as her mother still looks lost in thought, prompts, "So what happened after the interview?"

"Right," Rory says, shaking herself. "There's not too much else to tell. Mom and I took a cab home and the cold war between her and the grandparents went arctic. Although it felt pretty heated when she and Grandpa were fighting."

Charlotte laughs and then suddenly her mother is giggling, going slightly red as her daughter asks, "What?"

"Oh, I was just remembering...after we got back we went to the diner and your dad and I snuck off to see each other. We told Mom and Luke some excuse and met at the gas station. Your dad said he was glad he didn't smoke his cigarette...it depended on what we did next."

Her mother is actually blushing at the memory! Charlotte is half-amused, half-nauseated as she asks, "Do I want to hear this?"

"Charlotte! Not _that!_ We had our first kiss - our first real kiss, I mean. I kissed Jess at the wedding but it was an impulse thing. That was our first kiss as a couple."

Judging by her mother's grin it was good, but Charlotte is going to ask for any detail. She smiles a little at her mother's happy expression and thinks back to her first real kiss with Alec, how perfect it was and how she'd felt weak at the knees. She feels completely composed when they kiss now and Charlotte feels herself sombre. Rory catches her eye.

"What's bothering you?"

"I don't like Alec like I did," Charlotte says quietly. "I'm scared he'll tell me he loves me...I don't love him, Mom."

As she says it out loud Charlotte knows it's true and a big teardrop spills down and lands on the table. Rory reaches her hand out to her daughter and says, "Angel. It's okay."

"It's not okay," Charlotte sobs. "Alec was great to me - he is great. I don't want to hurt him. He's so sweet and funny and we have such a good time together. I shouldn't feel differently about him."

"But you can't help your feelings changing."

"I don't want them to change! We were happy!"

"I know," Rory says gently. "Your dad and I really like him too. But Charlotte, you're only eighteen. You're both about to leave high school - you're so young."

"It's not fair," Charlotte sniffles. "If I've met someone great that should be it, and Alec _is _great, he's so much better than Tyler ever was, I mean..." Her voice trails off, not wanting to elaborate, even though it's not really secret. Charlotte told Rory when she was thinking about sleeping with Alec and her mother put her on the pill. They haven't talked anymore about it but onetime, when her parents were out of town with Annie and Richie, Alec stayed over. Charlotte never told her parents and they never asked, but before Rory and Jess left they both told her to be careful. Rory nods, not asking for details, and simply says again, "You're only eighteen. Charlotte, even when you're an adult you can't predict staying with someone forever. It doesn't work like that."

"I want to love him."

"I know, sweets. But there's a difference between actually loving someone and wanting to, trust me. And I've been in relationships, and I always hung on longer than I should have, because I wanted things to be better than they were. I had an idea of love for a long time, that it always lasts, that you hold on. But people change, Charlotte. Love changes."

Charlotte looks away and Rory says gently, "I didn't want to hurt the guys I was with but I hurt them more by pretending things hadn't changed and I hurt myself too. I had my first time with my first boyfriend because I thought we could go back to how things were, but it didn't work out - we were older and our lives had changed, not to mention him being married. It wasn't romantic, it wasn't right, it was just us trying to get something back that was gone. I was scared that if I broke up with Dean that would be admitting it was a mistake - which it was."

"When did you feel okay about dating again?"

Rory sighs before saying, "I probably jumped into other stuff too soon - I should have had some time to myself, but I was scared. I was just feeling miserable and then I met Logan and he was so exciting...after Dean I felt cynical for a long time and decided I didn't want a relationship. I was so hurt when when Dean broke up with me I was done. It felt like loving anyone was too hard. Jess leaving was what hurt me the most though - I felt abandoned. That felt worse than anything I went through with my other boyfriends."

"How were you able to forgive him?"

"Time," Rory says simply. "A lot of time, and growing up. We were both so young - it hurt me very badly but your dad was figuring things out too. We both had a habit of running out on things. I thought that by staying with people, I wasn't hurting them, but it's more complicated than that. I didn't manage to break up with anyone until Logan, and that was long overdue."

"How did you do it?" Charlotte asks, looking up. "How did you know it was time?"

Rory pauses, thinking, and says, "I just knew. I know that's a weak answer. We'd had this crazy night but we weren't kids anymore, we weren't in college. We'd been doing...whatever it was we were doing for too long already. I knew someone had to be the grown-up and end it. And I remember waking up and Logan was asleep and I got out of bed and sat by the window. It was a beautiful morning, just like it is now, and I knew. I still loved him but not in the same way. I was moving on. And it was hard but I did it, and then there was you."

Charlotte feels a little awkward, thinking about that, but her mother is smiling at her.

"I always wanted you to know you don't have to stay," she says, her blue eyes fixed on Charlotte's. "Don't be scared to fall in love, but don't be scared to end it, when it's time. And don't be scared to fall in love again."

"But I am scared," Charlotte blurts out. "I'm scared of everything, Mom! I'm scared to leave home, I'm scared to go to college and I'm scared of breaking up with Alec. I don't want things to change!"

"But they have to change," Rory says, firmly but gently. "Life changes, angel. It's messy...you can't pin it down with a pro/con list."

"I want things to go back to how they were," Charlotte says and then she's crying properly, sobbing noisily and scrabbling for a napkin. Her mother hands a couple to her and, squeezing her hand, says, "They can't stay the same. But new things are going to happen for you."

Charlotte can't stop crying and Rory gets up to sit next her. Charlotte lets Rory put her arm around her and hug her tightly before she says in a wobbly voice, "Things worked out for you and Dad in the end. He left but then you got back together and now you're my mom and dad."

"Charlotte, that's different," Rory says carefully.

"Why? Why is it different?"

"Because we spent years apart - we grew up. We weren't together all that time."

"Do you think that could happen for me and Alec?" Charlotte asks in a small voice and Rory says, "Maybe," but her voice is doubtful. Charlotte sniffles into silence.

"I wish I loved him," she says quietly. Rory kisses the top of her head.

"I know."

"Mom...when I broke up with Tyler I felt like I was going to die," Charlotte says, before she loses her nerve. "And he was such a jerk in the end. Alec's not a jerk - he's so wonderful - and now I have to break up with him. How am I going to get through it?"

"It's going to be horrible," Rory says honestly. "It's going to suck, and you'll feel like the worst person on the planet."

"Gee, thanks."

"But you'll get through it. Some time'll pass and you'll wake up one morning and not feel quite so crappy, and you'll know you did the right thing. And someday you'll want to love someone else. And you'll get all those fun, silly feelings when you meet someone for the first time and fall in love all over again."

"That doesn't seem possible."

"It is, I promise. Life is always changing on you. Right now you're going to college - that's a change too."

"I'm scared of stuff changing...I don't want to do it all alone."

"You're not. You've got me and Dad and your nana and your friends. And you'll make new friends."

"It's not the same."

"I know. But it's an adventure, too - you're doing something brand new on your own. Isn't that exciting?"

"What if I hate it?"

Rory is quiet for a moment and then admits, "I hated my freshman year. I never told anyone that. I've said it was hard, that I was kind of lonely, but really, I hated it."

"You did?"

"Not every second - some of it was fun. But I was totally out of my comfort zone and I missed Mom, I missed her so much, and I just felt like I was messing everything up and I was so alone. It was miserable. I had to have Mom spend the first night with me because I was so scared, and it didn't even get much better after that, and not just because I shared with Paris."

Charlotte leans closer to her mother as she says, "I won't promise you that you'll love it. I thought that if I told people I didn't love my freshman year that I'd failed."

"So...I will hate it?"

"You might, but you might not. You'll probably hate some of it and love some of it. But Charlotte, your dad and I are only a phonecall away and we can come visit all the time."

"All the time?"

"Well, maybe not every weekend," Rory amends. "But we'll visit a lot. I'm going to miss you."

"Me too," Charlotte says, wiping her eyes. She thinks back to that year when she dated Tyler, how she found every second with her parents an annoyance. It feels like a distant memory now. Even if Logan doesn't want to see her more, Charlotte knows her real parents do, and she feels a little better.

"You'll be okay," Rory says firmly, turning to look Charlotte in the eye. "I swear."

"Really?

"Charlotte, I wish I could promise everything will work out, but I can't," Rory says softly. "Not everything does. But some things will, and I know that you're going to come out an even more amazing you."

"What if I don't?"

"I know you will. I promise it's going to be okay. You're my girl, and you're a Gilmore girl. We're tough."

"We are," Charlotte says and then she's laughing. "I want to be."

"No, you are! You've got Lorelai for your grandmother and me for your mom. Our eyes and hair aren't the only things you got from us. You're as strong as we are."

"It's all the caffeine," Charlotte jokes but she leans into Rory's arms, watching the world from their window. She'll be okay, she thinks. She'll make it through. She's a Gilmore.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter from Richie's POV during a trip to Stars Hollow! Enjoy!**

"Calling it!"

"No, I am!"

Richie and Charlotte both take a flying leap onto the bed at the same time, causing their parents to burst out laughing.

"You had it last time," Richie accuses, glaring at his sister who sticks her tongue out.

"I'm the oldest!"

"That's not fair!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Guys," Jess says firmly, going and sitting beside them. "You know you take turns, right? It's Richie's turn for the bed."

"Told you," Richie says smugly and Charlotte whines, "But I hate sleeping on the floor!"

"Too bad. You'll have it next time and besides, you have a mattress. Both of you had better get used to this, because next year you'll have to take turns with Annie too."

"It's big enough for both of you to share right now," Rory remarks and her son and daughter shudder.

"I'm not sleeping next to him! I bet he wets himself in the night!"

"Do not!" Richie says, stung. He hasn't had an accident since Kindergarten. "You're going to talk all night about that guy on TV and say he's _dreamy_!"

"I am not!" Charlotte has gone bright red and before Richie can retort their younger sister, Annie, starts crying.

"That's enough," Jess says, picking Annie up. "I think the tearful two-year-old is the most mature out of the three of you right now."

Charlotte and Richie cross their arms, scowling, and Rory adds, "Hey, we're here on vacation. Don't spend the whole time in a fight."

"Some vacation," Charlotte mumbles under her breath. Richie sees his father raise an eyebrow and look at their mother. Rory sighs but neither say anything, and Charlotte guiltily stares at her arms. Richie's heard his parents tell her she's gotten a bit of attitude lately.

"Mom and Luke are letting us stay here for a whole week," Rory says eventually. "And we were going to get icecream from the Soda Shoppe and maybe hit the bookstore, but if you'd rather just go back home..."

"No!" Charlotte says desperately. "I don't want to go home!"

"Good," Jess says sternly. "Now both of you go wash up."

Charlotte and Richie linger, comfortable on the bed, and Jess comments, "Unless you'd rather change your sister's diaper."

Richie hears his parents laugh loudly as he fights Charlotte to get to the door first. Fifteen minutes later and the family are walking to the diner, as Rory says she needs fries as well as icecream. Luke and Lorelai have gone to stay with Emily and said the place is theirs while they're gone. They go stay in Stars Hollow all the time, but it feels cool being in the house by themselves. Richie can pretend he lives here although, after Miss Patty starts threatening them with a summer dance class, that urge drops a little. Once safely inside the diner, everyone has a burger and, as Richie finishes his, his gaze goes around the room. Caeser is behind the counter, the only person Luke just about trusts to run in his place, and irritably he talks into the phone whilst trying to hand someone their order at the same time. The phone is attached to the wall, the cord long and twisted, and just as Jess starts to get up to help out Caeser finishes the call, hanging it up with a loud sigh.

"Everyone hates that phone," Richie remarks and his father turns to smile at him as he sits back down.

"Yeah? I don't think your grandpa does."

"Everyone else hates it," Richie says confidently and Jess starts laughing, tousling his son's dark hair.

"You're probably right."

"Why doesn't Grandpa Luke get a real phone?"

"It is a real phone," Jess tells him. "It's oldschool, bud. When your grandpa was a kid there were no such thing as cellphones - there were hardly any when I was a kid either. Anyway, when Grandpa was growing up, most people had phones like those, and I guess he didn't see the need to change it. He likes that phone."

"How come?"

"He thinks modern life is kind of busy," Jess says thoughtfully. "That people spend too much time staring at their cellphone or computer instead of actually paying attention, you know?"

Richie doesn't totally, but he nods, and his father goes on, "I get it - I really do. I never even had a cellphone when I was a teenager, and your mom didn't have one for a long time. I liked not being contactable."

"Why?"

His father pauses, looking sad.

"I guess I liked being alone., or thought I did. I didn't think I needed a connection."

Richie frowns and his father hugs him to his side, sounding brighter as he says, "I got one in the end - figured there were a few people I liked talking to."

"Sometimes you leave your phone at home," Richie points out and Jess grins.

"That's right. I don't need it all the time. Hell, your mom and I didn't need them when we at school. We just called each other at home and it worked fine. I don't see what the problem was."

"Daddy, you sound like Grandpa Luke," Richie states and his father laughs loudly, saying proudly, "Well, there's worse things to be. Guess living with the guy rubbed off on me."

"Did you like living with Grandpa?"

"Not always," Jess says honestly, "but I'm glad I did. First time someone asked where I was going and when I was coming back."

Richie drinks some soda, looking over at the stairs leading up to the old apartment. Luke uses it as a kind of office now, but there's still a bed in it. Onetime he and Charlotte were allowed to sleep up there and it seemed like the biggest adventure in the world. Their dad came with them, sleeping on the couch, but it still seemed exciting. Charlotte used to like doing stuff with Richie. They've always teased each other a little but she used to hang out with him, and now she thinks she's too cool. Like Charlotte is _cool_! Richie teases her for that too but he misses her sometimes, and the burger sags in his hands.

"You okay, bud?" Richie looks up to see his father examining him, concern in his eyes, and Richie nods, quickly finishing his burger.

"Can we have icecream now?"

The family head next door to the icecream parlour, where Charlotte smugly eats her Princess Charlotte sundae. Richie scoffs his own sundae in practically three gulps but Charlotte deliberately eats hers slowly. She always likes talking about how the sunade was made especially for her when she was a baby, needling Richie over no one being excited for a boy, and Jess tells her to cut it out. Pouting, she finishes her icecream, wiping at her mouth with a napkin. Richie is suddenly infuriated. What makes her think she's so great, just because she's eleven and starting middle school in the fall? Stupid bossy Princess Charlotte, blabbing on about being the oldest and a girl and having her own sundae and Richie blurts out, "At least Logan's not my dad!"

Everyone stops. A terrible, tight expression is spreading across Charlotte's face, one Richie has never seen before, and he's suddenly scared. Before he can say anything she's running across the street, Rory at her heels and Jess is gripping Richie's shoulders.

"Don't you ever say that again!"

His father's voice is low and furious. Richie can't speak and Jess says again, "You _neve_r say that - I'm ashamed of you. How could you hurt your sister like that?"

"I'm sorry," Richie gasps and then a slew of tears is pouring down his cheeks, into his mouth and splattering the sidewalk. Jess's eyes soften and he pulls Richie into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry," his son sobs. "I didn't mean it - I'm sorry."

Jess kisses the top of Richie's head, wiping his cheeks and kneels down to look him in the eye.

"It's okay," he says gently. "I know. But you can't say that to Charlotte. You can tease each other, drive each other nuts, but it's not okay to say that. It's cruel."

Charlotte can be pretty cruel to him, Richie wants to say, but he knows this is different. Without meaning to, he knows he hurt his sister in a different way and he sniffles, a big lump growing in his throat.

"I know she has Logan as well as me," Jess goes on. "It's not secret, and it's not bad, but it's not something to tease Charlotte with - anyone with. I'm her dad, just like I'm yours and just like I'm Annie's, and when you tease her about Logan it's like saying I'm not. And that hurts me too, and your mom, as well as Charlotte."

"I didn't mean that!"

"I know," Jess says, wiping the last of Richie's tears away. "But it sounds that way."

Richie swallows, looking over to where Charlotte ran away.

"Is she okay?"

"She will be," Jess says, straightening up. "Go say you're sorry. Lay off winding her up."

Annie starts crying in her stroller and Jess turns to lift her into his arms.

"Kid three is demanding some attention, huh?" he says fondly. "What's up, Annie-girl?"

Annie squawks a few times before settling and Jess laughs, placing her back in the stroller.

"Guess she was just feeling kind of left out. Go on - I'll wait here."

Richie hesitates, tracing a line on the pavement with his toe.

"Daddy..."

"Yeah, bud?"

"Charlotte's not that fun now," Richie says slowly. "I didn't mean to make her cry but she can be a real jerk. And it's all the time and I don't know why."

When Annie was born Richie was glad Charlotte was there. He didn't mind Annie as much as Charlotte seemed to, but it was a little scary at first. It helped knowing Charlotte was there. When Annie wouldn't stop crying or their parents were too tired to talk, Richie and Charlotte would hang out in their bedrooms or the backyard, sharing the strangeness of a new baby sister. Sometimes they'd sit for hours. Richie misses Charlotte wanting to talk.

Jess sighs, bending back down to see his son.

"She's at a bad age," he says. "She's eleven...you don't know right now, but that age sucks, and Rory tells me it sucks even more for girls. I can't tell you if that's true or not, but I can tell you it's a crappy time - Damn, didn't mean to swear. Damn, sorry!"

Richie giggles and Jess continues, "She's nearly a teenager."

"Charlotte's not a teenager!"Richie says indignantly and Jess says gently, "_Nearly_, Richie. It's not that far away. And she's too young to be one, and she's too old to do kid stuff. Or Charlotte feels that way, anyway. She's feeling mixed up and confused and sometimes - okay, a lot - she can be kind of frustrating. It's not okay for her to be a jerk to you, but she's going to want to do her own thing more. That's just how it is."

Richie stares down at the scuffed sidewalk, throat tight again.

"I don't want Charlotte to grow up and go away."

"Bud, she's not going to move away for a very long time," Jess says, putting a hand on Richie's arm. "But she's going to want her space, and someday you will too. You'll feel just as mixed up."

Richie doesn't know what to say. He's eight years old and only this morning growing up felt as far away as the moon.

"Daddy...I don't know how to be a grown-up."

"You don't have to," Jess says, wincing slightly as he straightens back up. "Getting too old for this crap - I mean _junk_. Richie, it's okay. You don't have to worry about that for a very long time. All you have to do right now is make up with your sister."

Annie starts grumbling again and Jess turns his focus back to her. Richie takes that as his cue and walks slowly down the sidewalk. His mother is sitting with his sister on the gazebo and, as he approaches, Rory carefully gets up and says she's going to check on Annie. Richie waits for her to go before looking at Charlotte. She still has streaks of tears on her face, cheeks angry and red, and Richie hesitates. He doesn't know if she wants him to sit down or not so he doesn't.

"I'm sorry," he says finally. Charlotte gives him a dirty look.

"I don't care. Go away."

"I didn't mean...I just wanted to make you mad."

"Congratulations," Charlotte sniffles and Richie bites his lip.

"I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I'm crying because I hate you," Charlotte chokes. She's trying to sound angry but her voice is wobbling. "I'm crying because I have you for my brother! Do you think I'm crying because of what you said? I don't care! I don't!"

"I was a jerk," Richie says steadily. "And I never meant your dad wasn't my dad - I mean, we have the same dad. I'm stuck with you for my sister."

The last part wasn't totally apologetic but a tiny smile forms on Charlotte's face.

"I know that," she says, her voice sounding normal again. "Worst luck for me - I've a little brother _and_ a little sister and have to deal with looking after both of you."

Richie snorts and, encouraged, sits on the bench beside her.

"Like I want you to look after me!"

Charlotte gives him a gentle punch, and Richie retaliates, but they laugh, relaxing, and are smiling by the time their parents come over with Annie.

"I'm really sorry," Richie says again. "If you want, you can have the bed."

"Thanks," Charlotte says brightly and Richie sighs inwardly. The last part was an olive branch too far.

That night, all five of them go the Black-White-Red bookstore, and are able to claim the couch.

"Big Red given to the Gilmore-Mariano family," Kirk says importantly. "And you're just in time for _Pippi Longstocking_."

"Pippi!" Rory shouts in glee. "An classic of surrealism!"

"A horror movie," Jess corrects and Rory clutches his arm.

"That's why you love it."

She sings loudly along, prompting Jess to sing with her and Richie and Charlotte giggle in embarrassment. The film starts, Rory complaining about how if Lorelai were there she'd be singing louder than anyone, but then they settle into the story. Richie is in the middle of the couch, Charlotte beside him and his parents are on either side, Annie in his father's lap. A warm happiness fills Richie's chest. The horribleness from earlier has been wiped away. A big bag of popcorn is being passed around, Annie wriggling until her father feeds her a piece, and Charlotte and Richie share the dregs. Annie has fallen asleep and Jess grins over at Rory, who smiles across her children's heads to him. They're here, on this soft summer night, and nothing else is a big deal right now. Even the film isn't so bad. By the time they go home Richie is falling asleep himself and yawns loudly as they depart.

"Not a fan of Pippi?" Rory asks in amusement and Richie shrugs.

"I liked it. It was kind of weird."

"It's very weird."

"The weird parts were cool," Richie remarks and Rory puts an arm around him.

"Good - my son has taste."

"You're all crazy," Jess says, pushing Annie's stroller. "That was an experiment in horror."

"Dad, you just need to refine your taste," Charlotte says haughtily, making her parents burst into loud laughter. Charlotte smiles, not seeming annoyed for once, and hugs onto Jess's arm as they walk back. She and Richie get ready for bed almost instantly and fall asleep almost as fast. Richie has a bad dream, a dream where he's lost and alone, and wakes up with a start. For a second he doesn't know where he is, but then he hears Charlotte's steady breathing. He's in his mother's old bedroom. Richie relaxes but, unable to sleep, gets up and carefully climbs onto the bed.

"Hey," Charlotte mumbles. "What are you doing?"

"I had a bad dream."

Richie expects his sister to tell him to leave him alone but instead she shifts over, saying in a sleepy voice, "It's okay. I'm here."

Carefully, Richie pulls the cover back and gets in beside her. Charlotte is quiet, her breathing soft, and Richie closes his eyes. In the morning they probably won't be able to stand each other, but right now she's here, just like when Annie was born. Richie remembers the story about how Charlotte stopped him crying with her bear when he was a baby. He's glad she's here, he thinks. He's happy she's his sister, and he doesn't care who their fathers are. Charlotte's his sister and Richie relaxes into sleep. She'll look after him like she always has. They belong to each other.


	13. Chapter 13

**This chapter is a missing scene from Flux, where Jess goes to Luke for some advice. Enjoy!**

Jess walks into the diner, almost tripping over the newest seasonal decoration for Stars Hollow on the way. His uncle is wiping the counter and looks up in surprise.

"Jess, hey!" he exclaims, going over to him. "I didn't know you were in town."

"Sort of a surprise visit - hope that's okay."

Jess finished work early and decided to see Luke on the spur of the moment. Rory's still at work and the kids are in school for some hours still. Jess suddenly couldn't face being at home and trying to shut out his worries with a book he knows he wouldn't read.

"Of course it's okay," Luke says cheerfully. He hands a customer their order and as he turns back Jess remarks, "Nice pile of pumpkins out there - I especially love how the middle one's grinning at you."

"Taylor's choice," Luke protests and, as Jess looks at him, amends, "Okay, and Lorelai said it looked cheerful."

"Real cheerful - Jack O'Lantern nearly broke my ankle walking in."

"Yeah, well. It looks festive and that matters more, supposedly."

Jess gives an amused grunt and Luke grins.

"You want me to fix you something? Kirk came in for his pattymelt and there's some stars and squares left over."

"How can I resist that?"

Jess tries to sound jovial but his uncle frowns, concerned as he asks, "Jess, is everything okay?"

"Why?"

"You look kind of tired."

Jess shrugs and Luke says, "Hey, Caeser can cover for a little while. Come talk upstairs about it."

"You don't have to leave the diner."

"It's fine, Caeser's here, and Lorelai's always telling me I'm too old for this gig anyway. Come on, humour your uncle for once."

"All I do is humour you," Jess quips but he follows Luke upstairs without argument. The apartment he and Luke lived in in simply an office now but it looks the same, even without Jess's bed in the corner. Smells the same too. Sinking down at the table, Jess smiles appreciatively as Luke gets two beers from the fridge.

"Heading straight for the good stuff, huh?"

"Seems like that kind of talk. Besides, customers have been driving me crazy."

"Don't they always drive you crazy?" Jess asks, taking off his jacket and tossing it onto the couch he and Rory used to make such good use of.

"Yeah, but it's worse today," Luke says, sitting down. "Or maybe it's those ridiculous pumpkins by the door - I've seriously considered making them into pie. Actually, kicking them in would be enough."

Jess laughs at that, taking a swig of beer. "You're probably half the reason I pulled all those pranks - weren't you the guy who broke the bells? Got that gene from somewhere and I'm guessing it was you."

"That or this town," Luke agrees, drinking some beer as well. "Drive anyone with a grain of sanity up the wall."

They both chuckle but Luke leans forward, serious as he asks, "What's going on?"

Jess pauses, twisting the bottle in his hands before saying, "I don't know."

"Yes you do," Luke retorts and Jess sighs, the exhaustion he sensed before swathing him.

"I'm tired," he says eventually. "There's a lot of stuff going on right now - stuff at home."

"Is Rory okay?"

"Rory's fine. It's Charlotte."

"Ah."

"She's got this boyfriend," Jess says, frustration growing just at the words. "She's never dated before. And it's...it's just been a lot lately, Luke. I don't know what I'm doing."

Jess takes a long drink of beer, closing his eyes in relief. It feels good to finally voice it.

"You don't know what to do about her dating?"

"It's not just that. She's sixteen. I don't know what the hell I'm doing with a teenager. Ever since she hit puberty she's had a little attitude, and right now it's basically tripled. She seems mad at us all the time, she's not focusing on school and now she's dating this total loser!"

Luke coughs and Jess's eyes widen as he sees that his uncle is laughing, his chuckles breaking into loud guffaws.

"Something about that amusing?" Jess asks, caught between annoyed and incredulous, and Luke coughs again before composing himself.

"I'm sorry - no, that's a lie. Do you know what this is, Jess? This is you getting karma, or whatever they call it, for being a complete punk as a teenager."

Jess's mouth drops open and Luke continues, "When you lived here, it was as if you took each day as a challenge to annoy me more. I'd calm down everyone after whatever prank you pulled and you'd already caused some other kind of chaos. And you didn't study, you dated Rory and whenever I tried talking some sense into you I got some smartmouthed comment in return! So if your daughter is doing exactly the same thing to you, I'm sorry, but I find that pretty funny, and I'm thankful to the universe for turning it around!"

"Oh yeah, it's really hilarious," Jess says sarcastically but he can't help smiling a little. Put like that, he guesses it is kind of funny. If in some far-off day in the future, Charlotte comes complaining to him about her teenager, Jess can't promise he won't laugh either. He drinks more beer for a moment and finally Jess puts the bottle on the table with a clunk.

"Okay, okay," he says. "I get what you're saying - I do. But seriously Luke, I have no clue about any of this."

"Do you think I had any clue what to do with you?"

"Luke, I'm winging it every day!"

"So did I!" Luke exclaims. "Jess, do you think anyone knows what the hell they're doing? You can read all the books, take all the classes, and still get a curveball."

"Luke, I think it's pretty safe to say you never studied up on this."

"Okay, fine, and maybe it would have helped if I had. But maybe not. Point is, parents are figuring it out every day. I tried being strict, I tried relaxing, but no matter what, you seemed hellbent on ignoring me. You definitely weren't listening to anything I had to say."

That sobers Jess up. He swallows, remembering, and says, "Luke, I was an idiot back then."

"You were seventeen."

"And I thought I knew everything."

"Like I said, you were seventeen."

"I'm sorry. You did everything for me."

"Jess, it's okay," Luke says gently. "We've been through this, it was years ago. You were just a kid. It's not as if I was perfect either - I said you had to go."

"I was eighteen then."

"And I was too stupid and proud to go after you."

"We both were," Jess says quietly. "Luke, you did the best you could...you might not have been perfect, but you were there for me, and I knew it. It was easier to shut you out."

"I tried," Luke says simply. "Joke was on me for thinking taking you in would be easy!"

"But you did, and you gave me a home and believed I could actually do something with my life. That was more than anyone else did. I was so mad at the world I didn't appreciate it."

"I knew you were smart enough to do anything," Luke says softly. "Underneath it all, you were a good kid. I knew if you stopped messing around you could do something great and look, here you are. Made me proud."

Jess smiles, thinking of his world now, and how different it was to how he pictured it back then. He thinks of Rory, his writing and his kids and then sombres again.

"Guess this goes back to the karma thing," he says, trying to sound light. "Charlotte's smart - she can do anything she puts her mind to. But it's like she's determined not to do anything."

Jess looks up but Luke isn't smiling this time, and he asks, "So what is she doing?"

"Nothing - that's my point. She's not studying, not reading, not caring about anything but her boyfriend."

"I see," Luke says drily. "So tell me about the guy."

"His name's Tyler," Jess says, the name sour in his mouth. "He goes to school with her, he lives in some fancy house and thinks education is a means to an end."

"What does that mean?"

"It means he's a pretentious asshole!"

The corners on Luke's mouth quiver and he breaks into laughter again, to Jess's disgust.

"It's not funny!"

"You hate him," Luke says gleefully. "Come on, tell me how you really feel."

"Okay fine, I hate him," Jess says, sitting up. "And objectively, or whatever, I know he's a kid, but I really hate him, Luke. He's a little punk. He thinks he's got the greatest mind since Einstein and goes around singing the praises of Ayn Rand, a political nut, and Charlotte is looking at him with these ridiculous puppy dog eyes, and he just loves it. He's dating her, my daughter, and I just want to smack him whenever he looks at her!"

"Jeez, don't hold back."

"Hey, you asked for an honest opinion!"

"Fine, fine. So how serious is it?"

"She hasn't been dating him that long, but it's long enough," Jess says grumpily, swigging more beer. "He came over for dinner the other night and that was pretty much a disaster."

"Disaster how?"

"We kept asking him questions and got monosyllabic answers - don't say that's like me," Jess says quickly. "I know. But it's different."

"Different how?"

"Look, I know I was a pain, but I cared about Rory," Jess says seriously. "And I cared about you, even if I was sarcastic all the time. I messed up the dinner with Emily but I tried, I swear, even if it all went to hell. I didn't plan on traffic, I didn't plan on the black eye - I could have handled it better but I wasn't trying to be a jerk. And this kid comes waltzing in just smirking the whole time, telling Rory she should reread _The Fountainhead_! And Charlotte's sitting there thinking he's the brightest guy her age and there's nothing smart about him, believe me. She's so into him I think the rose-coloured glasses are permanently attached to her face."

"What does Rory think of him?"

"I'd say she's got a pretty similar opinion."

"Did you tell Charlotte how you feel about him?"

"Rory and I gave her the toned down version and she still went ballistic - said we were never going to give him a chance, and how we screwed up first impressions with parents. We've told her way too much. But I wouldn't like Tyler even if he wasn't dating Charlotte, and I swear I had an open mind. We met him before and Rory said he was that word Lorelai likes - schnickelfritz? But I didn't invite Tyler over planning to hate him. I don't want to be that kind of dad."

"How are you taking it all?"

"I knew she'd date eventually," Jess says irritably. "I was just hoping that day would be when I was in a retirement village. When they came downstairs she was blushing and her hair was all messed up - it's a miracle I kept my mouth shut. She went over to his place the other night and I don't want to think about what went on, even with his mom in the house. Rory told me she gave Charlotte a sex talk and I swear, I thought I was having a heart attack."

"Are you saying -?"

"No," Jess says hastily. "Thank God. But they might."

"You're the dad," Luke says firmly. "Just tell her she can't have him in her room, and she can't go over his place."

"Luke, that won't work."

"What? Of course it will. It worked with you. I didn't let you be alone with girls up here."

"Shane was up here all the time. We had sex up here a few times too."

"You what?"

"Onetime right where your hand is."

Luke flings his hand off the table in disgust as Jess laughs, grumpily remarking, "Thanks for breaking that to me."

"Anytime."

"Okay, fine, but I laid it out pretty clearly for you and Rory."

"What, like you how told me we had to sit at opposite sides of the room? How well did that turn out?"

"Not that great," Luke admits. "Especially with my punk nephew joking around about leaving socks on the door."

Jess laughs and then stops, imagining Charlotte doing that. The joke doesn't seem quite as funny now he's a father.

"I made that ten minute system," Luke says proudly. "That stopped anything going on."

"Luke, we worked a way around that."

"Are you saying something _did_ happen?"

"No," Jess says, turning the beer bottle in his hands. "But if we wanted to, it could have."

"Then you have to make a five minute system for Charlotte!"

"No," Jess says in frustration. "I know none of that will work. And Luke - it's not even that. If I start the whole father with a shotgun bit, get super strict over what she can and can't do, she'll hide it from me. I know she will."

"But isn't she hiding things already?"

"I don't want to think about this," Jess says after a pause, "but if something happened, and Charlotte needed help, I want her to come to me. I don't want her to be scared and think I'll freak out on her."

Luke is silent, drinking more beer as he listens, and Jess sighs.

"I don't want her to do anything with him - I think she's too young and he's a total punk - but it might happen. And if it does, I just want her to be careful. I want her to make healthy choices. If I act like sex is wrong and she's wrong to want to have it, she won't think it through. Luke, I don't know what I'm going to do if she comes home one day and tells me she's pregnant."

"Jess -"

"I'm freaking out," Jess says, gripping the bottle. "What would I even say to her?"

"Have you talked about this to Rory?" Luke asks and Jess shakes his head.

"She's worried sick. I've got to keep calm, because if I tell her I'm worried, she'll panic. Rory gets in her head about stuff - she always has. She's so worried about what might happen she can't think straight."

"Has she said that?"

"She doesn't _need_ to say that. She's bought the books, talked to Charlotte, but she's worried. I'm telling her it's okay, that she won't date him forever, but Rory's seriously working herself up over this."

Luke sighs sympathetically and says, "Jess, I can't tell you what to do here, but I think it would help if you told Rory some of what you're feeling. Maybe if you both admit you're scared it'll help more than if you pretend you're not."

"I guess," Jess says grudgingly. His mind is cast back to when they were eighteen, tiptoeing around the future and the possibility of more. Jess wishes he'd been more honest then, less afraid. He supposes some things stick around, even if you're sure you've stepped away.

"How's Rory doing, anyway? Besides the Tyler thing."

"Stressed," Jess says honestly. "She vents to me about Charlotte and sometimes I have to stop myself laughing because they're identical. They're both quiet, they both like figuring things out in their heads, and if you try and force it they bolt. Rory doesn't seem to get that Charlotte's the same. She keeps trying to make her talk and it makes Charlotte more quiet. They're seriously clashing this year."

Jess smiles but he feels sad and, after a moment, he says, "Everything's been a lot lately, especially with Logan back in the picture."

"How's that going?"

"Bad," Jess says honestly. "Logan lived an entire ocean away Charlotte's whole life and now suddenly he's back here, wanting to see her. And Luke, he lets her down all the time - he always forgets to email or call and Rory has to remind him about her birthday and Christmas - but if he wants to see her, I should be happy, right? Well, not _happy_, but better than if Logan moves back and doesn't care about seeing Charlotte at all."

Luke lets out a grunt and Jess adds angrily, "He came over with no warning and said Charlotte was his daughter. I wanted to punch that smug face he has. _His_ daughter. Like he hasn't hidden her since Charlotte was born."

"How's Charlotte doing with all this?"

"I don't know," Jess says, gulping the last of his beer. "I mean, I know she's weirded out by all of it, but she's hardly talking. Rory went with Charlotte to Logan's place the other day, but Charlotte didn't tell me much how she felt. She's pulling away from us, from me and Rory. I can feel it. I know she's growing up, I know she's a teenager, but it's hard. I want to help her, I want to be there for her, but it's like everything I say is the wrong thing."

"Jess, I'm sure that's not true."

"It sure as hell feels that way. I'm worried about her, I'm worried about Rory, and Luke, I've got two other kids. I've got to be there for them too. What if Richie and Annie think I'm worrying so much about Charlotte that I'm not focusing enough on them?"

"Jess, I'm positive they're not thinking that."

"I am - at least, I'm scared that I might. Jeez, I worry about their sister, then I worry about them and in the second I've stopped thinking about Charlotte I swear something else will have happened without me looking. It was already intense before Logan walked back in on us. And I just..."

Jess's voice fades and, under his uncle's look, Jess sighs and says, "What if Charlotte stops wanting me to be her dad?"

"Jess, that's impossible," Luke says. He gets up, goes around the table and puts his hands on his nephew's shoulders. "You're her father, period. Charlotte knows it."

"But Logan's her father too. What if we fight so much this year that she goes to him instead?"

"She fights with you because she feels safe with you," Luke says, looking into Jess's eyes. "Because she knows you're her dad. You were there from the minute she was born, literally. You were there even before that! And Charlotte knows it. She knows how much you love her."

"I feel like I'm not getting through to her on anything."

"That's because she's a teenager! Jess, you are a great father. Those kids are so lucky to have you for their dad. The fact that you're tearing yourself into pieces over it proves it."

"What if I screw all of this up?" Jess asks desperately. "What if Charlotte gets pregnant, drops out of school and runs away?"

"Then you'd figure it out, you and Rory, but I think you're going for worse-case scenario here."

"Okay, but what if she shuts me out even after she's a teenager? Luke, we were so close when she was little. We used to go for father-daughter trips to the bookstore and now I know Charlotte's just doing it to humour me. She's barely even reading these days. When I ask her what's going on with her I never get a real answer. She used to talk without me asking anything. I miss her - I know it's her age, but what if she never talks to me again?"

"She will," Luke says firmly. "But you can't get stuck on something which hasn't even happened."

Jess nods, remembering that night he and Rory drove around after getting icecream, how confident he was. _I'll live where I live, I'll work when I need money and I'll see where I end up_. Like he had any kind of clue! His future was like a funhouse mirror compared to that.

"What if that guy hurts her?" Jess says, after a moment. "Even if she doesn't get pregnant, he could break her heart."

"You have to let that be," Luke says seriously. "She's not a little kid. Sometimes I have a hard time remembering that, but she's sixteen. Whenever you try a relationship you're risking a little heartbreak. You'll just have to be there for her and allow me to go wring that jerk's neck."

Jess laughs out loud at that.

"I'm sure that'd go down really well."

"Hey, I'm her grandfather. I get to say stuff like that."

Jess smiles, not wanting to linger on imagining Charlotte being hurt. When did she start being old enough to even like guys?

"You'll be fine," Luke says confidently, breaking Jess from his thoughts. "I promise - I can't tell you what's going to happen, but I promise you'll be fine. And Charlotte knows you're her dad."

Jess swallows, remembering the day his daughter was born. Charlotte had locked her eyes on his, her little hands reaching, and Jess was lost to her. She was his girl. He sat up all night with her, his heart full with becoming a father.

"Thanks, Luke," Jess says eventually. It sounds too small to say but Luke smiles, nodding.

"Anytime. And Jess - if you need to talk, you know you can always call me, or come see me. You can vent about Charlotte and all the rest. I might not have advice but I'll listen."

"Your advice isn't bad."

"Gee, thanks. Comes from raising a terror like you."

Jess laughs and pulls his uncle into a hug. Luke seems surprised but hugs him tightly, patting his nephew's back.

"I'm here, Jess. I'm always here."

"I know you are."

They hold each other a little longer before stepping away and suddenly Jess imagines a day in the future, a day where his daughter comes complaining to him about an adulthood catastrophe. Maybe he'll be saying the same things to Charlotte. Jess smiles a little but doesn't elaborate on his thoughts to Luke. They'd sound less real out loud. He picks up his jacket to go but, before they go downstairs, Jess stops to say, "Hey, Luke?"

"Yeah, Jess?"

"I know you said you didn't know what you were doing, but I think I turned out pretty decent, and that didn't happen by itself."

"Are you saying I had something to do with it?"

"More than something," Jess says and a wide smile spreads across Luke's face.

"Yeah, well. You weren't so bad beneath all that sarcasm."

"That's just Stars Hollow," Jess says innocently and Luke laughs. He's still chuckling as Jess walks out of the diner, almost tripping back over the pumpkins as he goes to his car. He wants Charlotte to take chances, he thinks. He wants all his children to - he wants Charlotte, Richie and Annie to feel they're living well. Maybe they have to screw up, but that's not so bad. Jess would rather they screwed up, learnt and knew themselves than be too afraid to live. He's not sure how to tell them that, but hopefully they'll know. Someday, Jess imagines, they'll look back on their childhoods and laugh over mutual mistakes made, and the things stumbled on correctly. He's figuring this fatherhood thing out and Jess is excited to see the people they'll be.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter where Jess visits Doula with Annie! Enjoy!**

Annie sucks her strawberry milkshake through her straw, swinging her legs. She's pleasantly tired after some hours of walking and her father leans back beside her, taking a sip of coffee and closing his eyes. They are in New York for the day. Usually, on trips to New York, either Richie or Charlotte are with them, but Charlotte is travelling before starting college and Richie is in school. Annie has an entire day off due to a teacher conference, and, as Rory is working, she and Jess are unaccompanied. Annie is pretty happy about this. Her parents always make time for days alone with their children, but those are usually limited to where they live. Rory takes Charlotte alone to New York sometimes, to see Logan, but Annie can't think of anytime she hasn't gone without Richie. She has her father all to herself and they've spent the entire morning taking in the city. It feels special, just the two of them. Satisfied, Annie finishes her drink and lets out a contented sigh.

"You good, Annie-girl?" Jess asks, smiling at her and Annie nods vigorously.

"Daddy, can we go to the Plaza?"

"Jeez, talk about rich taste," Jess chuckles. "Not sure if my wallet's going to stretch that far, kiddo."

"I just want to see it," Annie clarifies. "Because of Eloise. Can we go look at it?"

"Sure," Jess says fondly. "You know, if we skip buying books we could maybe get tea there."

"No, I want a book," Annie says firmly. She doesn't even have to consider it. Her father laughs again, leaning over to tuck a spare curl over his daughter's shoulder. Annie bounces impatiently in her seat.

"I'm done."

"Give me a second, Annie. We've walked around New York all morning!"

Jess lifts up his coffee cup, suppressing a yawn, and Annie smiles. It's so refreshing having a day in New York which doesn't revolve around making time to see Logan, or have her mom and dad talk about when they lived there after Charlotte was born. Even if Charlotte isn't with them, there has to be some compromise made between what Annie and Richie want to do and there's usually at least ten minutes of squabbling. The only thing all of them agree on is the bookstore. It sucks being the youngest. Everyone else is older and gets to do more, and boss Annie around too. Richie accuses his sister of using being the baby to get her way, but Annie sees it as only fair. She's the one who has to go to bed barely any time after they get home. Either way, today is her day with her father, a day where Annie gets to pick out where they go and what they see, and she never wants it to end.

Her father finishes his coffee and stretches.

"You know, if your mom was here she'd be through five cups already," Jess remarks. "I bet someday you'll be just as addicted."

Annie shrugs. She's liked the sips she's been permitted but isn't desperate for a cup of coffee over milkshake. Her father puts his jacket back on, checking he hasn't left anything in the booth, when his cellphone rings.

"Damn," Jess groans. "I knew I should have left this thing at home."

Rory made him take it, after Jess teased her about leaving it upstairs. _Did we need cellphones that day you surprised me in New York?_ he asked and laughed when Rory said, _seeing as I totally misread the bus timetable, I'd say yes_. Her parents love that story - how Rory missed school one day and just jumped on a bus to see Jess. Her mother's eyes are animated as she describes going around the city in her uniform, spending an entire day on a whim, but are somewhat sad when she winds the tale up. Rory managed to get a slow bus and what with that and traffic, she missed Nana Lorelai's graduation. Still, she says it was an incredible day and doesn't regret it. Jess says it wouldn't have been the same if they'd called each other on a cellphone. He leaves his at home if they all go out together, but Annie knows he was only teasing Rory this morning. Jess never leaves it if they go out of town. Right now he looks as though he regrets this decision as he cautiously answers, "Hello?"

Annie can't hear the voice on the other line but her question is answered as Jess exclaims, "Doula?"

Annie sits up, interest kindled. She sees Aunt Doula maybe once a year. She was born after her dad left home and lived in Stars Hollow before promptly leaving at eighteen. According to her father she lives a _beatnik existence_, whatever that is, never settling down. Annie can't remember ever visiting her in the same place twice and Doula has never even been to their house. Right now Jess is crinkling his brow, his mouth in a line, and he doesn't sound happy as he says, "Seriously? Doula, I'm in New York with my daughter. No - Annie. Yeah, the younger one."

Another pause. Her father emits an annoyed sound, pauses again, and then says, "I can't just drop everything!"

There's a longer pause. Annie plays with her straw, blowing bubbles in the last of the liquid as though she's six again. Finally she drinks it, more air than milkshake, and jumps as Jess exclaims, "Fine! God - you're just like - okay fine, fine, I won't say it. I'll see you, but we can't stay. Text me the address. Great - bye."

He finishes the call and glares at the cellphone in his hand. Finally, he looks up and says, "We have to drop in on Aunt Doula."

Annie got that but doesn't point it out, instead asking, "Where's her place?"

"I don't know - she's going to send it to me."

"Do you know how to look it up."

Jess laughs, his face relaxing. "Jeez, Annie, I'm not that old! Cellphones did exist when I was young, believe it or not."

"Yeah, but you couldn't get internet on them."

Jess ignores that. His phone buzzes again and he opens the text, his face setting again.

"What?" Annie asks and her father blinks, trying to sound upbeat as he says, "Nothing - I just know where she lives. I don't need to look it up - I used to live in that neighbourhood. Come on."

"Are we going to have time for the Plaza?" Annie asks anxiously and her father plants a quick kiss on top her curls, nodding.

"This'll only take a second. Let's go."

Annie highly doubts it'll be as brief as that but is silent as she gets up. Her father leads them to the subway and it's a clear sign of how bothered he is that he remains quiet. Usually, every step in the city is peppered with anecdote. Annie is excited Jess ushers her into a seat on the train, sitting beside her and telling her to listen for when they get off. She stares into the dirty window opposite, feeling as though the bubbles from her drink are now bouncing inside her chest. Her cheeks are flushed with excitement. They go through a few stops before Jess finally gets up, gripping Annie's hand and hustling her off the subway and up the steps.

The neighbourhood is a far cry from the bustling city they walked around that morning. It's grimy, a dirty paper flapping right in front of Annie's feet before being flown up by the wind. A siren sounds in the distance and Annie can hear a child crying. Jess's hand is tight on hers as he leads her around one corner and then another before mounting a set of steps and loudly knocking on the door. Overhead, a window is pushed open and Annie gets a glimpse of a curly mane of hair before it instantly retreats, replaced with the sound of hurried footsteps. The door is tugged open and Annie stares at her aunt Doula, clad in jeans and a torn shirt, her hair long around her frowning face.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Brother and sister examine each other for a moment before Doula turns on heel and heads back upstairs, Jess and Annie following. Seems being quiet runs in the family, though Annie has only heard that it's just the men. Apparently it's Doula too. They enter her apartment, mostly bare with a torn cloth covering the window and dirty dishes in the sink.

"Jeez," Jess says, looking around. "See you're really taking care of the place."

"You should have seen it an hour ago," Doula snaps. "Take a seat - make yourself at home, or whatever."

Jess raises his eyebrows but sits on the sagging couch and, after a moment, Annie sits next to him. There's a faded rug on a floor with a stain father and daughter avoid putting their feet on.

"What happened?" Jess asks and, this time, his voice is softer. Doula looks softer too as she looks away and says, "Terry ran off."

"And he ran with your stuff?"

Doula nods, her throat sounding tight as she adds, "Not everything - he didn't know where I kept my money. But he swiped the television and the money we had for the week and..."

"There wasn't a lot more?" Jess guesses and his sister nods. Jess sighs, getting out his wallet.

"How much?"

"I don't know," Doula sniffles. "But Jess...I don't know what to do."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"He didn't -" Jess pauses, glancing at Annie. "Did he do anything besides take your stuff?"

"No, nothing like that. He just left me."

"Where are you working?"

"Here and there," Doula says vaguely and Jess sighs. He looks ready to say something else but instead gets up, going over to the refrigerator in the corner of the room which serves as a kitchen and opens it before instantly slamming it shut.

"I'm going to the store," he says. "You're out of everything."

"Do you know where a store even is?"

"I remember, I lived round here once. Come on, Annie."

"I want to stay here,"Annie says stubbornly. She never gets to talk to Doula and it doesn't seem fair to just go to the store with her father and then leave. There's a leather jacket hanging in the corner and a deck on cards on the table, along with some lopsided pottery, and Annie's curiosity is piqued.

"No," Jess says firmly. "I'm not leaving you alone."

"She's not alone, she's with me," Doula says. "It's fine."

"I don't think so."

"Jess, I might be a mess but I'm not going to walk out on her! I'm her aunt! And I won't let anyone in if it makes you feel better. Besides, you'll get through the store quicker without your kid."

Annie feels a little stung at that but keeps her mouth shut. She sees her father think, consider and finally say, "Fine. But if it's taking me more than twenty minutes I'm coming straight back."

"Jess, it's fine," Doula says in exasperation. "The store's down the street!"

After a moment Jess goes, still seeming unsure, and checks that the door is locked behind him. Aunt and niece look at each other and finally Doula says, "So you're Annie?"

"Yeah."

"You look like me when I was a kid. You've got blue eyes though...your mom's eyes, I guess."

"Yeah," Annie says again. They're her mother's eyes, the Gilmore eyes. She's a little indignant at being called a kid. She's eleven! She wears a bra! She looks around the apartment, wanting to investigate, and Doula says, "You want a drink?"

"What kind of drink?"

"Don't get too excited - a soda."

"Sure," Annie says and Doula fetches one from the mostly empty fridge, opening one for herself too. They sip for a while until Annie burps, covering her mouth with embarrassment. Doula doesn't seem to notice. Annie lifts up one of the pots on the table and says, "Did you make this?"

"You can tell me it's my talent, right?" Doula grins. "I should probably quit that."

"How come?"

"I thought it'd be more fun than it is, and I'm not exactly great it it. Got excited by the whole _Ghost_ deal."

"What?"

"You know, Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze? Forget it," Doula says at her niece's blank face. "It's just from an old movie."

"Oh." Annie isn't sure what to say but privately decides to request _Ghost_ for movie night. She puts the pot down next to some homemade jewellery, judging by the scattered gems.

"So a day out with your dad, huh?" Doula says eventually. "I didn't even know he was in town. My mom - _our_ mom - would be going on about it being fate, some junk like that."

Annie swallows. She doesn't know her other grandmother very well. Liz used to live in Stars Hollow but spends most of her time travelling with a fair group, and her father doesn't seem too torn up over rarely seeing her.

"Mom always loves telling me about Jess," Doula continues. "My perfect big brother! A writer, and a dad, and taking in a kid who wasn't his. A freaking saint!"

Annie bristles slightly. "Charlotte's my sister," she says staunchly. "My dad's her dad too."

"Hey, I didn't mean anything by that," Doula says, sounding genuine. "Mom just goes on about how this other guy was involved."

Annie nods grudgingly and Doula's irritation returns as she adds, "I never even saw Jess when I was little - hardly ever. He hated visiting Mom, not that I blame him, and told me I was luckier than he was. Screw that."

Annie stares at her hands, unsure what to say, and Doula coughs, sounding embarrassed as she says, "Sorry, didn't mean to rant at you. So you're - how old? Ten? What about the other two?"

"Eleven," Annie says proudly, smug that her siblings aren't here. "Charlotte's nineteen and Richie's sixteen."

"Huh." Doula doesn't add to that and Annie is grateful that she doesn't make some comment about how the other day she was just a baby. Annie can't stand it when adults talk like that - how would they like it if she pointed out their new grey hairs?

"You weren't planned," Doula says suddenly. "I remember Jess telling me."

"I was a surprise," Annie corrects, a little affronted, and Doula chuckles.

"Yeah, you and me both. Seems that runs in the family, both sides for you, I guess. Keep that in mind."

"For what?" Annie asks, puzzled, and Doula shakes her head, her curls springing out.

"Never mind."

Annie finishes her soda in annoyance. Doula, it seems, isn't completely cooler than other adults. She's doing that thing where they make weird comments and laugh at you for not understanding, and then refuse to explain. How's she supposed to know?

Annie goes to the bathroom, washing her hands in the chipped sink, and walks around the bathroom when she comes out. A peek around the corner reveals a bedroom, a red length of fabric coating the light and casting a rosy glow across the messy bed and clothes on the floor. There's a scent of something like incense. Doula is flipping through a magazine and doesn't seem to mind as Annie examines everything, lifting the sleeve of the leather jacket.

"This is cool."

"That was your dad's."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously," Doula laughs. "He gave it to me when I was a baby and I started wearing it practically as soon as I started toddling. I wore it to Kindergarten too."

"Can I try it on?"

"Sure," Doula says after a pause and Annie pulls it on. She's admiring herself in a murky mirror when there's a bang on the door, making her jump, and Jess comes in with two full bags after Doula lets him in.

"Here," he pants, setting the bags down. "That should last a week."

"Thanks," Doula says. They pause for a moment and Jess says briskly, "Annie, take that jacket off and get ready to go."

"I don't want to go yet," Annie whines and Jess says, "We've done what we need to do."

"That's right," Doula flares up. "I'm just what you need to get out of the way!"

"Hey, you called me!"

"Yeah, because you never call! You were in town and didn't tell me!"

"I'm having a day with Annie," Jess retorts and scowls as Doula says, "Yeah, and how often do you call all the other times you're in New York?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know you're in New York? Last time we talked you were in California!"

"You never bother to check! And Mom called me to say she told you I moved here. How come you didn't call, Jess?"

"You know why! Because you always need bailing out!"

"Just like Mom!" Doula shouts, hands on hips. "That's what you were going to say, right?"

"What do you want me to say? Jeez, Doula, you're thirty-two! How much longer?"

"How much longer what?"

_"This!" _Jess exclaims, gesturing around the apartment. "You never figure anything out!"

"Oh, not like you, right? I should find a place in the suburbs, marry some guy and have a few kids! That's the dream!"

"I didn't say that," Jess says angrily. "I don't care how you figure it out, as long as you actually figure it out! Stay with a man, stay with a woman, or stay alone, I don't care! Just do something!"

Doula's jaw is working and, in that moment, she looks exactly like Jess. Annie stares at them both as Jess goes on, "When was the last time you were single?"

"That's none of your business!"

"I'm trying to help you! Maybe it would be good if you were alone for a while, Doula. Not getting involved with other people's stuff, know yourself more? Mom kept getting married because she couldn't handle being by herself. You can - you're way stronger than this! Right now you're throwing everything away!"

"What do you know?" Doula spits out. "You judge me, think I'm a loser, but you never cared. You hardly saw me when I was a kid and now here you are, with your own kid, giving me some life lesson?"

"You had a real home growing up," Jess argues, but he sounds a little guilty. "You had Liz and TJ and Luke and the whole town!"

"I hated living there, it was suffocating! Mom said you thought it too, but you never even called me! And half the time Mom was off doing her Renaissance gig and everyone at school laughed at me and called me a freak. It was really shitty. Yeah, I know you had it worse, you always have it worse, but now you're acting like if I just went to school or settled down I'd be happy!"

"I'm sorry I didn't visit more," Jess says, after taking a breath. "I am. But look, I'm not trying to be an ass. You're my sister, I care about you. And you don't have half the time you think, trust me. You need to find something of your own and make it your own, not jumping into other people's stuff. You're as smart as I am."

"High praise," Doula says sarcastically but she's a little subdued. "I'm not - I can't be a writer."

"No one's telling you to be a writer. Dammit, Doula. I'll help you, I promise, but you need to tell me what you need. It's got to better than this, right? I'd know. I was here."

Jess gestures around the room but Doula's eyes narrow, and Annie can sense the last remark was a mistake.

"My life's not yours," she says angrily. "You hardly know me."

"You can't keep using me not seeing you as an excuse not to pull it together!"

"Oh, now it's an excuse?" Doula shouts. "Relax, I'm not asking to be your pity project!"

"Doula -"

"My life might not look like yours but I like it!"

"You do?"

"Yes," Doula says defensively, hastily adding, "Breakup not included."

Jess raises his eyebrows and sighs, picking up his jacket.

"Fine. Whatever. You do you, or whatever it is they say. All I'm saying is that you can do more than enroll yourself on a pottery course every six months and depend on some guy who's not even worth glancing at."

"Sometimes it's a girl."

"My mistake," Jess says mildly. "Come on, Annie."

This time Annie doesn't protest. She slips off the jacket and lifts her hand in a quick wave as Jess lays some bills on the table and, just as they reach the door, Doula says, "Wait."

Jess turns around and she says sheepishly, "I don't blame it on you - how I am, I mean. I'll blame Mom instead."

She tries to laugh but it comes out more sad. Jess lays a hand on her shoulder and says seriously, "Don't blame it anyone - don't resign yourself to whatever anyone thinks. Figure out what you want to be."

"I don't know what I want to be."

"You'll figure it out," Jess says again. "And I'm here, Doula. I'm always here."

Doula nods, looking away again. Annie watches, wondering if they'll hug, but instead Doula waves and father and daughter make their way down the steps. Once away from the apartment Jess lets out a long, tired sigh.

"That was a blast from the past, huh. Sorry about that, Annie-girl."

"It's okay." Annie wants to hear more about Doula but isn't sure how to say so, and Jess smiles at her.

"I believe we have time to hit the Plaza."

"Daddy...do you mind if we don't go to the Plaza?"

"You sure?" Jess asks, surprised, and Annie nods.

"I'd rather just get hot chocolate and hit the bookstore," Annie says sincerely. "If that's okay."

"More than okay," Jess says and, even though she's eleven years old, he lifts his daughter into his arms and swings her in a circle before putting her down with a kiss. "How did I luck out with a kid like you?"

"I was a surprise," Annie comments and Jess stops, looking into her eyes for a moment.

"Best surprise I ever had," he tells her, squeezing her hand. "You're my girl. Let's go get that hot chocolate."

Half an hour later Jess and Annie are drinking hot chocolate in contented silence. Annie is tired now, but doesn't mind missing the Plaza. Seeing Doula was better and, with some courage, she asks, "How come you never saw Aunt Doula when she was a kid?"

Jess looks into his drink for a moment before finally saying, "She made me think of everything I left behind. If I saw Doula I was seeing Mom, and seeing both of them made me think of when I was a kid. It wasn't fun to think about. I always felt shaken up - Mom and I lived in these shitty - sorry, _crummy_ \- apartments and Doula had a real home. But I should have seen her more, I'm her brother."

"You didn't miss her?"

Jess drinks more hot chocolate before saying, "God, I'm going to sound like a jerk. I loved her - of course I loved her - but she was born after I left home. I still felt like an only child. I told myself she didn't care either, because she never remembered me being there, but I didn't take the time to try and bond. Gave her my jacket though and I see she still has it. That's something, I guess."

"She loves it," Annie says. "She told me so."

"Good," Jess smiles, but his voice is heavy as he says, "I let her down. I screwed up."

Annie doesn't know what to say. Everyone always says how her dad does too much for Doula, helping her out to the point of enabling, and here he is saying the opposite. She simply puts her hand on Jess's arm and her father smiles, putting his spare around her and hugging her closely.

"Promise me you won't fight with Richie and Charlotte," he says, after a moment. "Wait, I can't say that...of course you'll fight. And I can't ask you to promise a kind of relationship for me."

Annie waits and finally Jess says, "Just promise me you'll try. I want you guys to be close and look out for each other...I can't control that, and sometimes life happens, but I'd hate for one of you to be all alone and think the other two don't care. I care, and Doula cares, and all this junk has screwed it up. I hate it."

"Can't you work it out?" Annie asks in a small voice and her father kisses her cheek.

"I'll try," he says gently. "What do you say we go hit that bookstore?"

Two hours later, Jess and Annie are heading home, bookbags joyful in their hands. They're walking to where the car's parked when Annie asks, "How did you figure it out?"

"Huh?"

"You told Doula she could figure it out like you did...how did you figure it out?"

Jess pauses, looking at her. "I hit rock bottom," he says. "Take it from me, that's not a fun place to be. I'd really messed up, Annie-girl, I'd hurt your mom and Luke and this whole thing with my dad...I didn't think I could make any of it right. I lived in a place not too far from where Doula is now, and it sucked. I loved your mom though. And when she didn't love me back, I decided to move on."

"But you love Mommy!"

Jess laughs, tousling Annie's hair.

"Yeah I do, and I did then too, but we were at different points in our lives. I was falling apart. I knew I couldn't drift like that forever so I started writing, trying to be more of an adult, and one day things felt a little better. And then another I day I felt like an adult and not someone trying to be one."

"I'm kind of confused," Annie admits and Jess chuckles.

"Yeah, it's confusing. Sometimes I still feel like I'm pretending to be an adult...you'll understand someday. It's messy."

Annie loathes it when adults tell her she's too young to understand, but right now she doesn't mind. She walks a little further with her dad until he says, suddenly,

"My mistake was thinking I didn't need any help. You always need people, Annie. I don't mean you need a guy, or a girl, for that matter, but you need people. Doula needed me before."

"How do you know?"

"I know," Jess says seriously. "I'm her brother. I hope she knows I'm here."

Annie is silent, thinking. If her dad hadn't figured things out, would he and her mom have met again? Would Charlotte be her sister? Would she even exist? The thoughts make her dizzy and suddenly she's scared, her sure world wobbling.

"Daddy, I don't want to grow up," Annie says and her father shakes her head.

"Yes, you do. Trust me on that."

"What if I can't figure things out?"

Annie's not even sure what those things are, but she's afraid, suddenly, and then her father is crouched down at her knees, his hands around her arms.

"I am always here," he promises. "There's nothing you could do that would stop me being here. Life'll hurt sometimes, Annie-girl, that's what it does, but I'm here. And I swear you'll be fine."

"Really?" Annie says cautiously and her father nods, hugging her.

"You've got me, your mom and your siblings, and you're you. You're already pretty great."

Annie laughs at that, feeling her tension lift.

"Thanks."

"Anytime, Annie-girl. Let's go home - I don't know about you, but I'm beat. Could definitely eat some pizza too."

"Me too. Hey, can we watch _Ghost _next movie night?"

Jess bursts out laughing.

"How'd you even hear of that movie? You're a little young for it."

"Just somewhere," Annie says vaguely. Maybe, she thinks, someday Doula will watch it with her. Maybe not. It's there for the future. As she gets in the car Annie feels her eyelids droop. Her father has put on a Clash CD, whistling along with it, and Annie smiles. It's been the perfect day. She tries to stay awake but sleepiness wins and Annie coasts the wave, closing her eyes. She'll survive whatever comes.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter where Richie goes to see Jimmy**

Richie rests his arms on the steering wheel. This must be the place. He looks around the ramshackle buildings through the smeared windscreen before getting out of the car, slamming the door shut. The heat is searing as Richie peers at the houses, ensuring he's found the right one. It seems to match the one picture he's seen, along with all the plants hanging from the steps and jostling in the garden. Taking a deep breath, Richie walks over to the gate and gingerly steps through. He's barely got both feet in when a cacophony of barking starts up and Richie jumps back. Why is he surprised that dogs are still there? That's always included in his father's story.

"Hey!" Richie calls, voice unsure._ "Hey!"_

Out of sight, someone whistles and the dogs retreat, and Richie looks up to see the silhouette of a man on the roof.

"What's going on?"

"Can I come in?"

"Can you come in?" echoes the man. He's blurred in the bright sunlight but Richie's pretty sure this is Jimmy. "What's the deal?"

"I'm...you know my dad."

The man bends down and then freezes, staring at Richie. For a moment he's wordless and then says, "Come through. Watch out for those two, they bite."

"Which two?" Richie calls but Jimmy's gone. He sees the dogs mill around him as he walks through the gate, wagging their tails now, and Richie mumbles, "I swear I will bite you back."

Hitching his bag over his shoulder, Richie makes his way into the house where Jimmy is standing. Cats twine around their feet and, easily, Jimmy bends down and lifts them up onto a side table where the cats land with puzzled mews. Richie gives them an awkward pat and they purr, making Jimmy remark, "Seems they like you." He's staring at Richie like he's seen a ghost. Jimmy looks like the few pictures Jess has shown him, only older around the edges.

"Hi," Richie says weakly and nods when Jimmy says, "You're Jess's son."

"Yup. I'm Richie."

"I know your name," Jimmy says quickly, so quickly that Richie doubts it. "And you've got siblings."

His tone rises into a half-question and Richie clarifies, "I've got two sisters. Charlotte and Annie. I'm the middle one."

"Right," Jimmy says. They try and smile at each other and abruptly Jimmy turns to the refrigerator, retrieving two beers.

"I don't know about you, but I could use a drink."

Richie hasn't turned twenty-one yet but Jimmy doesn't ask and Richie doesn't tell him. The two take the tops off and awkwardly raise the bottles in a kind of toast before drinking deeply. After a moment Jimmy sits at the table and Richie takes the seat beside him, relieved to no longer just stand there. Still, he supposes, just sitting here isn't that much of an improvement.

"So Jess has three kids," Jimmy says, making Richie jump. "You're bigger than in the last picture Jess sent. I remember your sisters - I saw their pictures too. And the older one...she's not Jess's."

"Charlotte's got another father," Richie says coldly, "biologically speaking, but my dad raised her and I'd say that's what counts."

Jimmy laughs at that. "You look just like Jess and sound just like him too. This is crazy - I feel like I stepped through a time portal."

Richie gives a kind of shrug. He's only ever seen pictures of Jimmy before, talked to him maybe once on the phone. Richie was in the area and figured maybe he'd see more of where he came from but now, as he swigs some beer, he wonders if it was a mistake. The weirdness of the house is matching how weird Richie's feeling inside. As he looks over Jimmy's shoulder, Richie catches sight of the clowns Jess told him about. Silently, he wonders how much the place has changed.

"So what brings you here?" Jimmy asks, breaking his thoughts, and Richie simply says, "Roadtrip. I've finished school for the summer."

"College?"

"New York. I just finished my freshman year."

Jimmy nods and says confidently, "I'm not surprised Jess's kids are in college. He's so smart that I still have a hard time figuring out how Liz and I made him."

Richie shifts uncomfortably in his seat and stares at his bottle as Jimmy asks, "So how is Jess as a father? Way better than I was, I bet."

Richie and Jess haven't gotten along too well this year. His father is frustrated with him, already was for not working harder in high school, and now he says Richie's not applying himself in college. Richie doesn't know what his problem is. He goes to classes, he does the work. Granted, he doesn't spend as long on it as he could, but he's doing it. Jess says he's drifting. He said that when he was a kid, but Jess said it more fondly then. He seemed proud that his son was a dreamer. Richie can't say that either of his parents were pushy. When Richie told his parents he hated Little League they weren't upset. Jess just laughed and told him about the time he stole all the baseballs from the gym in high school and replaced them with tennis balls. _Very different results! _Rory had admonished him, saying he shouldn't be giving Richie ideas, but she was laughing too. When a teacher told Jess in middle school that Richie should spend less time reading and more time on the field Richie had never seen him so angry. _My son is fine. If you think he's doing something wrong by learning rather than kicking a ball around then maybe you shouldn't be in education_.

Richie was always happy being a so-called dreamer and then suddenly, it was as though that wasn't okay anymore. He had to work harder, find a college, choose a major and decide right now. The whole world seemed to go into a rush. Richie didn't know where he wanted to go to college and picked New York because Charlotte liked it and because he liked the city. His father sighed and said _fine_, making Richie feel like he'd done something wrong but didn't know what. He made it through his first year but Jess wasn't too onboard with Richie taking a roadtrip. He wanted him to work in Truncheon instead. They used to bond over books and pranks, when Richie was a kid, but lately it seems they've grown away from any bonding at all.

"Where's Sasha?" Richie asks, wrenching the subject away. "Does she still live here?"

"Course she still lives here," Jimmy laughs. "Can't get rid of that woman, and I'm thankful...love her more than anything. She's visiting her sister."

"Oh."

"She'll be sorry she missed you," Jimmy says, whistling through his teeth. "So'll Lily...she's grown up now, but she lives up the coast. It's not too far."

"Oh," Richie says again and gives a small smile as Richie says, "She worshipped your dad. Lily had her own father but you'd think Jess was her brother...the two of them were always reading. It was spooky. You a big reader?"

"Yes," Richie says and, after a pause, Jimmy says sarcastically, "You're as verbose as Jess is too. How about your sisters?"

"We all like books but Annie talks a lot," Richie says. "She talks more than all of us combined."

Jimmy laughs loudly, finishing his beer. "I'd love to see that."

Richie wonders if he ever will and Jimmy coughs, apparently coming to the same conclusion. "Hey, do you want to see the boardwalk?"

"Why not?"

Richie finishes his drink and puts the bottle next to Jimmy's before following him outside. They walk to the beach in silence until Richie asks, "Do you still own that hotdog stand?"

"Nah, sold it awhile back," Jimmy tells him. "I still help out sometimes, if I need a little extra cash, but it's not mine. They still call me The Hotdog King though."

Richie's unsure if he's supposed to smile but Jimmy laughs loud enough for both of them. They walk down to the sand and Jimmy spreads his arms out.

"Come down here every day. I'd marry the beach if I could. Sasha says even though I married her the beach is still the other woman."

Richie laughs awkwardly and Jimmy grins.

"Yeah, your father had the same reaction. Come, sit here for a second."

They sit on a bench facing the ocean and Jimmy asks, "How come you're dropping in on me? Not that I mind, it's just kind of a surprise."

"I told you, I'm taking a roadtrip."

"And where to next?"

Richie shrugs and Jimmy sounds uncomfortable as he says, "Not just to see me, Richie?"

"No," Richie says in a half-lie. He didn't, and still doesn't, know the point of return. He stares out at the water and says, "I've never met you and you're kind of my grandfather."

"_Kind of_. Yeah, that sounds right. That Luke guy's your grandfather, isn't he? He was more of a dad to Jess than I was."

"Yeah." Richie doesn't know his mother's father too well either but isn't desperate to. He's seen him enough times not to bother. Luke was more of a father to Rory as well. He stares out at the ocean, the waves soothing the storm in his mind.

"So tell me something about yourself," Jimmy says brightly. "How are you liking school?"

"It's okay."

"Yeah? You get along with your sisters?"

"Most of the time."

"Do you miss them?"

"Kind of."

"Okay...what about girls? Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No," Richie says sourly. He hears Jimmy sigh slightly and clenches his fists. Richie knows he's not giving him a lot to go on, but why did he have to bring up girlfriends?

"I broke up with someone," Richie tells Jimmy, hoping to close the conversation. His kind of grandfather nods, frustrating Richie by adding, "Lots of girls out there for a guy your age."

Richie tries not to snort. He never even had a girlfriend until this year. When his friends found out, they teased him mercilessly. When they weren't laughing they were seriously asking why, and how he'd got this far still being a virgin. They teased him every time they said the word. Richie ignored them and one day he met a girl in the cafeteria called Alison. She seemed nice enough, though they didn't have too much in common, but Richie ended up dating her anyway. He almost felt like he had to. One night a few weeks ago everyone went out to celebrate the end of freshman year, and after kissing on the lawn for a while and knowing cheers from friends nearby, Richie and Alison ended up in his room. They kissed and kissed, moving to the bed, and without even planning it Richie was having sex with her. Her hand was on his back and his was in her hair as Richie held his breath, unsure what he was doing and hoping it was right. Alison moved his hand to her breast and, as she kissed him, Richie came. A little later she sighed and he slipped out of her, knowing it hadn't lasted long by any stretch of the imagination. He asked if she was okay and Alison had nodded, clinging his sheet around her. Richie had thrown out the condom from the box his friends once gave him as a joke and then Alison said she had to go. They'd awkwardly kissed goodbye and Richie hasn't spoken to her since. He knows that's a dick move. He wishes they hadn't slept together. What if she tells him he was the worst she'd ever been with? He probably is. She must have guessed it was his first time. What frightens Richie more is the possibility that it wasn't totally safe and she'll tell him she's pregnant. His parents will kill him if that happens. They'll already want to kill him if they find out he hasn't called her.

"What's the deal?" Jimmy asks suddenly. "Something's going on, same as it did with Jess. You running from something?"

"No!"

"Jess was running from something," Jimmy goes on. "He screwed things up with your mom. You know, you look like just Jess apart from your eyes. They're Rory's eyes...I've seen pictures. This'll make you smile - your dad had a picture of her in his wallet. Every day he'd take it out and stare at it when he thought I wasn't looking."

Richie doesn't smile. He feels sad, hearing that, and Jimmy presses, "What are you running from? You've got that look in your eyes too."

Richie stares at his hands, his mind casting back. He'd come home late from wandering around the town, going to the bookstore which stayed open through the evening, and Jess had lost his temper. "Your first night home and you can't stay and talk to us?"

"It's my second night!"

"Big difference, my mistake," Richie retorted and Rory had cut in with, "Guys, don't fight."

"Is this what you're going to do all summer?" Jess demanded. "Go out all day, avoid us, and then take a roadtrip? You need to focus!"

"Why?"

"Why? Richie, you need to figure things out!"

"It's summer!"

"And you're not a kid!"

_Here we go_, Richie thought silently but had held off saying. This is where he hears the story about how when Jess was his age, he'd screwed up enough to start putting his life together. Richie doesn't know what seems to disappoint him more - the fact that he's never gotten into some trouble or the fact that he doesn't know what he's doing. Richie feels like he's failed. He should have more of an idea. He's not an accident like Charlotte or a surprise like Annie - he's their planned child, had everything his parents didn't. Richie knows he's lucky and he doesn't want to sound like what Charlotte refers to as an entitled white male. But he can't seem to figure out a next step. Richie doesn't get why a roadtrip was such a bad idea and said so, to which his father retorted, "Instead of drifting around here you'll drift around the country?"

"Isn't that what you did?" Richie asks and Jess's eyes had narrowed.

"You've got a lot more opportunities."

"Just lay off for me once!" Richie had exclaimed. "I'm not you, okay? If I want to take a roadtrip, I'll take a roadtrip, just leave me the hell alone!"

Jess had stared at him, looking hurt, and just as Richie was about to take it back Jess had said angrily, "I'm disappointed in you. You do what you want."

_"Guys," _Rory said. She looked like she was about to cry and Jess's eyes softened. He glanced over at Richie before saying, "It's okay. I'm going to go finish up some stuff for work."

"Jess..."

Jess had already gone into his office, leaving Rory and Richie looking at each other.

"I'm sorry, Mom," Richie had said quietly and Rory looked at him sadly, her blue eyes reflecting his.

"Do you have to take this trip?"

Richie shrugged. A big part of him wanted to tell her everything, but he didn't. For one thing, it's weird to tell your mom this stuff, and, mainly, Richie knew she'd be upset with him. She'd want to know why he hadn't called Alison and Richie wouldn't have an answer. He regrets it. He wishes it hadn't just happened like that, he wasn't really ready. He sounds like a woman, he thinks, and his sister's voice chides him in his mind. _Why's that such a bad thing? _It's not, he knows, but Richie hates feeling like this. Besides all that, he needed to go to California. Richie's afraid that if he's drifting too much then maybe he has more of Jimmy's genes than he'd like. Instead of telling her, Richie had hugged his mother goodnight.

"I love you, Mom," he'd told her and Rory bit her lip as she'd cupped his chin.

"I love you too. But Richie..."

"It's fine, Mom," Richie had said. Rory had accepted that without asking Richie his fears, both about Alison and about who he's becoming. After stepping back, Rory looked up to see Annie watching and told her to go back to bed. When Richie went to bed himself the door had opened and Annie tiptoed in.

"I don't want you and Dad to fight."

"We're not," Richie had said automatically. Annie's fifteen but still his baby sister and Richie doesn't want to worry her. "We're fine."

"No, you're not."

She sat on the bed next to him and said, "Don't go. Charlotte's on vacation and you've just got back. It's not fair."

"I'm sorry," Richie said to her. "I just...I have to go."

He could see Annie's chin wobbling in the dark and got up, putting his arm around her. "It's not the whole summer."

"But why do you have to go?" Annie insisted and Richie said, "I want to see more."

He didn't know if the answer was enough but Annie didn't fight him on it. She lay beside him on the bed and was still asleep when Richie had got up to go. He slipped her a goodbye note and hopes she forgives him. Richie isn't sure how great a brother he is all the time. He just knew he had to go, find out about Jimmy and how much of a mirror he seems.

Richie looks up and asks, "Why'd you leave when my dad was born?"

"Wow," Jimmy says, blinking. "Talk about a swing from left field!"

"Why?" Richie presses and Jimmy coughs uncomfortably.

"I couldn't be a father - figured that out before I finished the cigar."

"You could have tried."

"I didn't have it together until I was well past thirty! He didn't need me."

"It was a jerk move," Richie says angrily. "Leaving his mom, not letting him stay. I know you didn't want him to."

"I'm sorry, you were there?"

"I've heard about it. I know you only let my dad stay because Sasha agreed."

Jimmy shifts around uncomfortably.

"I didn't know how to help him. Maybe I was kind of a dick, but I'd never even met the kid before - not really."

"He was still _your_ kid," Richie says furiously. "And even if he wasn't...he was a kid who needed you, right?"

"Hey, put the bat down, man! I couldn't make up for eighteen years in one summer! And hey, Jess turned out pretty well - he's a writer, married your mom and has three kids. He even took a kid that wasn't his to start with! Polar opposite to me, right? He was her dad because he wanted to be. I don't know where he gets it from but I didn't have anything to do with it, that's for sure. Be happy you've got him, that's all I'll say."

"I disappoint him."

"What? That can't be true."

"It is true! I don't know what I'm doing in school, life, I messed it up with..." Richie falls silent and Jimmy's eyes are kind as they examine him.

"I fought with your dad just like this," he tells him. "Right here, too. He told me he had nothing. He said he'd messed up everything. But he figured things out and I know you can too. Stop being so hard on yourself! You're still a kid."

Richie shrugs and Jimmy says, "Hey, how about I show you the music stores? There's still some cool ones along here, bookstores too, though that's more your dad's scene..."

Richie nods, following Jimmy to the shops. Once he relaxes, he almost has a good time, and once they're back Jimmy shows him his vinyl collection. Richie can't deny being impressed. They listen to several albums before Richie finally opens the bag he's been lugging around.

"More pictures of us," he says shyly. "I thought I'd show you more recent ones. You know, my dad still prints them all...says he likes things being tangible."

"That sounds like Jess," Jimmy says. He smiles as he looks at them and remarks, "I never met your mom but you look as much like her as you do your dad. God, Jess loved her. That poor kid. I'm happy things worked out for them in the end. He used to go to the payphone that's no longer here and just call her...I saw him a few times. I knew it was her. And then someday he gave up...he told me she said it was over."

"Mom still loved him," Richie said quietly. "Dad just messed up. I think he got scared."

Jimmy looks at him and gives a knowing nod. Thankfully, he doesn't ask Richie what he knows about that and the next morning, when Richie says he's going to drive back, Jimmy doesn't try to talk him out of it.

"Give my best to Jess," Jimmy tells him. "Say I'm sorry for it all."

"I will," Richie promises. The two share an awkward, brief hug and then Richie is headed on the long road home.

It's late on the night Richie makes it back to Philadelphia. He pulls up to his parents' house and all the lights are off apart from the one in the kitchen. Richie can see his father working, a plate he absently eats from beside him, and Richie hesitates before letting himself in. Jess is at the door before he even closes it, his eyes widening.

"Hi Dad," Richie says quietly and then Jess's arms are around him, hugging him tightly.

"Hey, bud," Jess says and Richie smiles at the nickname he hasn't heard in a while. He hugs Jess tightly back and his father's eyes are a little bright as he steps back.

"You're early," he remarks. "I thought you were going to be away longer."

"I'm done."

"Come on, I'll make you some coffee."

Richie is limp with gratitude as he follows Jess into the kitchen. He waits for the coffee to brew before Richie says, "Dad, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too."

"I didn't mean to yell at you...I know I let you down. I always let you down."

"Hold up," Jess says seriously. "What are you talking about?"

"I disappoint you a lot."

"I was disappointed that you took off," Jess says slowly, "but I'm not disappointed in who you are. How can you think that? You're my son."

Richie looks down and Jess puts a hand on his arm.

"Tell me," he says gently and the two sit at the table.

"I feel like I let you down with school," Richie says haltingly. "Because I picked New York, because I don't know what my major is...it's like you used to like me dreaming and now you don't."

Jess is silent for a moment and then says, "I just wanted you to go for something you really want. It felt like you chose New York because you didn't want to think about it."

"I liked it. Isn't that enough?"

"I only want what's best for you, not just what's okay. But if you're happy there, I'm happy. It's just...Richie, you seem like something's going on. Is it school?"

Richie stares at his cup of coffee and says, "You'll be mad at me."

"Try me." Jess doesn't sound angry and Richie swallows.

"I met someone. I didn't date her for very long."

"What's her name?"

"Alison."

"You never told me and Mom about her."

"I know," Richie says uncomfortably. "We didn't date very long...and Dad...we...I...we had sex."

Jess is quiet for a moment and then says, "Were you safe?"

Richie nods. "I think so."

"You _think_ so?"

"We used a condom," Richie says awkwardly and his father lets out a sigh. "Good. What's wrong?"

"I just...it kind of happened. I didn't plan it. And it was awkward and Alison just left and I haven't called her. It was a few weeks ago."

_"Richie." _Jess sounds disappointed and his son winces.

"I'm sorry."

"Say you're sorry to her, not me. Why haven't you called her?"

"I don't know what to say. It was bad. I know it was bad. I liked her, and I wanted to in the moment, but..."

"Now you're regretting it." It's not a question and Richie says, "I wish I wasn't. I wish I hadn't." He looks away and Jess says, "I said you should never feel bad about sex...or not doing it."

"I know. I got embarrassed."

His father sighs but doesn't seem angry. He looks into Richie's eyes and asks, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just feel bad about it."

"Richie, it's okay. But you need to call her."

"I know," Richie says quietly. "But what do I say?"

"You can start by asking how she is. That's the least you can ask."

Richie nods and then bursts out with, "I feel like such a loser. I could hardly talk to girls before this, I don't know what I'm doing half the time, and I fought with you and Mom as soon as I got home. I want to stop drifting but I don't know how. I dream too much."

"Richie. I never want you to stop dreaming."

"Yes you do. You said I drift too much."

"There's difference between drifting and dreaming," Jess says, putting his hand back on Richie's arm. "You're not a loser. I never want to hear you call yourself that. All I want is you to find your passion and be happy. Lately, you've seemed aimless. I don't want to pressure you, but I want you to find something. I wanted you to work at Truncheon with me as a start. Thought maybe we could talk like we used to. I miss you."

"That sounds good," Richie says quietly and then tells him, "I saw Jimmy."

Jess's hand stiffens for a moment and then he asks, "Is that why you were so desperate to take this trip?"

Richie nods and says, "I wanted to see what he's like. To know if it's why I'm not figuring it out."

Jess lets out a sigh and says, "I think being twenty might have something to do with it. But you saw him...how's Jimmy doing?"

"Okay," Richie says with a shrug. "He says he's sorry. Look, I took a picture."

Richie gets out of his phone to show Jess and his father smiles.

"Strange seeing him now. I went there to get answers and figured out there weren't that many. I figured out that I had to be the one to start putting my life together...seeing my father wasn't going to fix everything."

"I want to find something," Richie says quietly and Jess puts his arm around him.

"You will, someday. It's okay, kiddo. I'm here, I'm always here, and me and your mom, we'll never stop loving you. You know that, right?"

Richie nods and they both jump as the door opens to show Rory staring at them. She is over in an instant, flinging her arms around her son and kissing his cheeks.

"It's so good to see you!"

"I missed you, Mom," Richie says and then Rory is hugging him even tighter. Jess gets up, giving them a moment alone, and Richie tells her about the trip and his worry about drifting. Rory looks into his eyes and says, "I see a lot of me in you. I know what it's like to wander without meaning to...you can talk to me, Richie. I've been there too."

"I will," Richie says softly. Rory smiles at him and, after some hesitation, Richie tells her some of what happened with Alison and she sighs, saying he has to call her. Jess comes back in and Richie looks away, embarrassed to have told them but relieved to have some advice.

"Don't just call her and hang up either," Jess says. "Take it from me."

He smiles and Richie nods, knowing what he means. Rory squeezes his hand as Richie admits, "I don't know if I want to keep seeing her."

"But it'll help if you talk and are honest," his mother says. "Trust me."

Richie does trust her. He's lucky to have his parents. He understands it more than he did before he left and he smiles at them, thoughts interrupted by Annie coming down. They all have a cup of coffee together before Rory insists they go to bed.

"We'll figure it all out in the morning," she says and Richie nods, putting his arm around his sister as he starts upstairs. He's figuring it out already.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks for the feedback! This is an Annie chapter during her first year at high school.**

Annie tucks her feet up on the sofa. It's Saturday at Lorelai's house but Annie's tired, letting out a yawn as she stretches.

"You sound sleepy," her grandmother says, making her jump. "How's it going, kiddo?"

"Okay," Annie says with a shrug.

"Just okay?"

"I'm tired," Annie says truthfully. She's been in high school for a month and has already received five times as much homework as she did in middle school. Annie tried to start it last night but already feels behind. She brought some to Lorelai's but can't face looking at it. This morning she woke with a jump in her mother's old bedroom before remembering it's Saturday, that she's in Stars Hollow, before falling back asleep. Her parents are visiting Charlotte with Richie but Annie stayed behind and, as she smiles back at Lorelai, Annie isn't too sorry not to have gone with them.

"How about lemonade and cookies?" Lorelai offers and, as Annie nods rigorously, her grandmother emerges with a pitcher and plate of chocolate chip cookies on a tray along with a jug of coffee.

"Luke made them so they're safe to eat," Lorelai says as she hands Annie a cookie. "Coffee or lemonade to start?"

"Is the coffee your strength or regular?" Annie asks knowingly and at her grandmother's cough she says, "Lemonade, please."

"Here," Lorelai says, pouring her a glass. "The coffee's good though - you're a Gilmore, you'll like it."

"Maybe later."

Lorelai takes a cookie as well, pouring herself a generous cup of coffee, and for a while grandmother and granddaughter sip in silence. Annie relaxes, the lemonade sweetly cool against her throat. Charlotte named Lorelai's house the happy home when she was little, and Annie still calls it so in her mind. The house is bright and welcoming, a fresh vase of daisies on the table and family pictures in every room. There's a row of pictures on the mantelpiece of Annie and her siblings as kids, as well as Lorelai and Rory, and as Annie's eye catches a picture of herself fingerpainting in Kindergarten she feels sad. She clutches the glass, the cold spreading through her fingers, suddenly wishing she was that little again. It's not just the homework that's hard. Annie's best friend is hanging out with new people, opting to sit with them at lunch and has been busy every time Annie suggests going out. She's starting to feel invisible and it's not helping have every teacher call her Charlotte by mistake.

"Hey," Lorelai says, turning to look at her. "What's up?"

"Nothing."

"You sound less convincing than Rose telling Jack there wasn't room on that plank of wood."

"Huh?" Annie asks, lost and then remembers. "Oh, _Titanic_. Right."

"I'd expect more enthusiasm from someone who cried all night after watching it," Lorelai teases. "You know, I took Rory to see it and she cried too and yelled at me for rolling my eyes!"

Annie smiles halfheartedly and Lorelai tucks a strand of brown hair behind her ear.

"Are you bugged that you didn't get to see Charlotte?" she asks but Annie shakes her head. Richie has a day off college on Monday so he went with Rory and Jess, but as Annie has school it was decided that she'd stay with Lorelai. If anything, it's the opposite - Annie's kind of grateful not to go. She misses her sister but Charlotte visits all the time, and it's a relief to simply have a weekend with Lorelai. Life has felt a lot lately.

"It's not that," Annie says honestly but Lorelai asks knowingly, "Is it something else?" Avoiding her grandmother's eyes, Annie gives the slightest of nods.

"Want to talk about it?" she asks gently. Annie stares down at the glass, a lump beginning to grow in her throat and says quietly, "High school's hard."

"Angel," Lorelai says and, whether it was because Annie had expected a quip or because she's tired or simply because she's sad, she suddenly starts sobbing.

"Annie," Lorelai exclaims, pulling her into a hug. "Is it that bad?"

"No," Annie cries, using her spare hand to rub her cheeks. "Yes. Sort of."

"So it's clear then," teases Lorelai, but she pulls Annie closer. "Tell me. Is it the usual crap or more?"

Annie isn't too sure on what _the usual crap_ means but she says in a wobbly voice, "There's tons of homework."

"Uh huh."

"It's way more than I had last year. I can't do it."

"You feel like that because you're not used to it," Lorelai says calmly. "Rory was the same when she started Chilton, she had a total freakout and hit a deer, but then she got used to it and got her grades up. You'll figure it out."

"I don't feel like I will."

"I'll help you. And your mom and dad will too."

Lorelai plants a kiss on top of her head but Annie stiffens slightly at the mention of her parents. They were so happy that she was starting high school, catching up with her brother and sister, and had taken her out for pizza. _Our Annie-girl's growing up, _Jess had said said proudly. Annie had been excited then too, but that night, as she went to the bathroom, she could hear her parents talking, and stopped as she heard her name. _Maybe this will be good for Annie. Help her grow up_. Annie had frozen as Rory said anxiously_, she's so young for her age_ and then her father, assuring, _she's going to high school. She's not a little kid now._

Annie never told them that she heard. She pretended to still be excited, buying stationery with Rory and allowing her to get three sets of highlighters and explaining why, picking out new clothes and getting her hair trimmed. On her first day she had her picture taken by her emotional parents and put on a big smile for them, which Annie kept plastered to her face as she walked into the school. It was going to be great, she decided, but as soon as she sat at her desk some kid laughed at her for having a puppy dog on her backpack and a teacher told her off for using a purple pen. Annie tried to explain that she got it out by accident, but the teacher talked over her, making her flustered and her best friend, Lucy, leaned over and whispered, _Annie_, _you're being so embarrassing!_

"What is it?" Lorelai asks, noticing Annie tense up. "There's other stuff too, isn't there?"

Annie is motionless and Lorelai squeezes her hand. "You can tell me. It's what grandmothers are for."

"Nothing..."

"Annie."

"Okay. It's not just homework. Lucy's my best friend but she barely hung out with me. She's made friends with all these other girls instead."

Annie feels bitter and she hugs a cushion to her chest as Lorelai asks doubtfully, "And you don't want to hang out with them?"

"No." They don't want to hang out with her, Annie adds silently. They don't like her.

"Oh. Well, you've got other friends, right?" Lorelai asks. "I know you had a sleepover at some other girl's house last year and you guys exchanged friendship bracelets."

"Jenny moved away in August."

"Oh," Lorelai says sympathetically and the lump gets bigger in Annie's throat, threatening more tears. Hastily, Annie drinks some lemonade and says angrily, "Everyone wants me to be like Charlotte."

"What?" Lorelai asks, laughing. "Hon, I promise that's not true."

"Yes it is!"

"Annie, don't get me wrong, your mom and dad love your sister and wouldn't change her in a heartbeat, but they had some rough times when she was a teenager. I'm pretty sure they're happy if you're less...that way," Lorelai finishes weakly. "Less like I was, for that matter."

"Charlotte's cooler than I am," Annie says angrily. "And she was smarter."

"Says who?"

"My teachers."

"They've looked at you and said your sister's smarter than you are?"

"They don't have to say that!" Lorelai doesn't get it. She's never had an older sister. "I tell them if I don't understand something and they say stuff like _your sister didn't struggle with that_. They want me to be the same and they're disappointed."

"Annie, I'm sure they're not."

"I'm not top of the class," Annie says, starting to cry again. "Mom was and Charlotte was and I'm not!"

Lorelai is silent for a moment, hugging her, and Annie sniffles and says, "Dad and Richie could have been, if they wanted to. But I can't."

"You are just as smart as they are," Lorelai says, kissing her again. "Sweets, you've only been in high school for two months! You're adjusting!"

At the word _adjusting_ Annie feels another flood of tears start. Every night Rory and Jess ask her how school's going, how she's finding high school, and every night she lies. Annie wants to tell them she hates it, that she misses middle school, misses being a little kid in Kindergarten, but they'll be disappointed. They'll wonder what's wrong with her. Everyone has always teased her for being the baby of the family, but Annie never minded before and never thought they did either. Her dad even told her not to hurry about growing up. Now he probably thinks she's as big a loser as her classmates do. She called her father _daddy_ instead of _dad_ once and everyone laughed at her. Annie played with dolls much longer than any of her old friends did and now, she thinks, her parents probably think that was a sign of how pathetic she is. _Maybe this will be good for Annie. Help her grow up_. So Annie pretends to love high school, pretends to have adjusted.

"I hate it," Annie says over her sobs. "I hate high school. I hate the work, I hate my classes and I hate sitting alone at lunch every day."

"Give it time," Lorelai says encouragingly. "I'm sure everyone is just as freaked out as you are."

Annie snorts and Lorelai says, "I bet they are, underneath. They just aren't admitting it."

"They don't want to talk to me. Lucy totally ditched me."

"There's better friends out there. You'll find someone to sit with and hang out with."

"No one likes me," Annie says flatly and as Lorelai protests she says indignantly, "They all think I'm a little kid! I can't dress right, I can't be cool and they all think I'm a baby! And I am - Nana, Lucy got this guy's number and talking to boys makes me want to throw up!"

"Annie -"

"I wish I was still in Kindergarten," Annie says tearfully. "I wish I didn't have to grow up, I suck at it! I wish I never had to go to high school!"

Her words are disrupted by more tears and Annie lets Lorelai rock her a little, wipe her tears away and kiss her wet face. They're quiet for a moment until Lorelai says gently, "Most people hate high school. It's a crappy time and you've got to get through it as best as you can, but there's no big deal about doing it right."

"You did."

"Um, I got pregnant with your mom and dropped out at sixteen," Lorelai says with a rueful laugh. "Does that really scream _doing it right _to you?"

"But you were cool," Annie says, blinking away the last of her tears and looking up. "And smart and you knew how to talk to guys. I can't do any of that. Charlotte and Richie say I talk too much, but I can't even talk to boys! You always knew how to make guys like you!"

"Definitely had the last part down," Lorelai jokes but then says seriously, "Not always though. Did I ever tell you about Brian Hutchins?"

"Brian Hutchins?"

"Seventh grade, I was in the library and he came over and asked if I wanted to go steady. I said yes. He walked off and the next time I saw him was tenth grade when he tried selling me a dimebag at the Sadies Hawkins Day dance. And he was way overcharging for it, too."

Annie makes a face and Lorelai adds, "And there was Royston Sinclair the third. It was my birthday and he broke my heart in front of everyone. I'd stolen this green beaded top which belonged to Emily's mother's, which I was never supposed to touch, and wore it to school with jeans. I thought I looked so stylish but Royston, who was my boyfriend at the time, told me I looked cheap and he was only going out with me to make this girl called Angie jealous. Then he said I was the gardener's daughter and my parents bought me because they couldn't have kids of my own, and I ran out of school. I was crushed."

Annie is stunned into silence for a moment.

"I can't believe that happened to you."

"Kids can be brutal. Definitely not one of my better memories of back then, but the pretzel helped."

"Pretzel?"

"I went to the mall afterwards," Lorelai says, smiling sadly. "And my dad was there, and he demanded to know why I wasn't in school. I tried to think of an excuse but all I could think of was that yesterday I'd had a boyfriend who loved me and today I didn't and I just started to cry, bawling in front of him. I waited my for my dad to yell at me, punish me, but instead he disappeared and came back with a giant pretzel covered in mustard. He handed it to me, said _let's go _and we went to the movies. We saw_ Grease_ and _An Unmarried Woman_ \- something for me and something for him, he said, and he bought us snacks and we watched and he gave me his top to cover the stolen shirt and took me to the club for a soda. We never discussed it again. I think it was one of the best birthdays I ever had."

Annie smiles too and Lorelai hugs her closer.

"I wish you could have met my dad."

"Me too."

"He would have loved you."

Annie smiles unsurely and Lorelai adds, "See, even your fabulous grandmother got teased for dressing wrong, being loud and wasn't liked by guys. You're going to be fine."

Silently, Lorelai refills Annie's lemonade and, after taking a sip, Annie remarks, "It just feels like it's never going to stop sucking."

"It will, guys will improve. Maybe it's not so bad that you can't talk to them right now - you're all still kids! Didn't my stories just show you how they weren't exactly romantic highlights?"

"The whole school sucks."

Lorelai looks at her and asks quietly, "Have you told your mom and dad about this?"

Annie sits up, nearly spilling the lemonade. "You can't tell them!"

"Annie!"

"Mom and Dad think everything's okay!"

"But it's not!"

"I don't want to tell them!"

"Annie, they'll want to know if you're having a hard time!"

"No, they won't," Annie says, her voice shaking. "They'll think I'm pathetic!"

"They won't," Lorelai says over her granddaughter's tears. "Annie, I promise they won't."

"They will," Annie sobs and shakes her head as Lorelai says, "You have to tell them."

"They'll be upset."

"For you, not with you. Angel, I can tell them if that's easier. They'd want to know, they want to help you. They're your mom and dad. I wish I could have talked to my parents about this stuff, and you can with yours. They want you to talk about it."

"I've been pretending it's all okay."

"You don't need to pretend," Lorelai says gently and, with that, Annie feels herself begin to relax. "Being fourteen is a miserable age for almost everyone."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Hey, Nana?"

"Yes, sweets?"

"Can I have a cup of coffee?"

Annie wakes up the next morning as the bedroom door opens. She sits up sleepily, expecting to be her grandmother but Rory stands in the doorway.

"Mom?" Annie asks in disbelief and then Rory is hurrying over to her, sitting next to her and running a hand through her curls.

"Hey, sweetness."

"Why aren't you in New York?"

"Mom called me."

"What about Charlotte?"

"Dad and Richie are still there. Mom said you needed me."

"I'm okay," Annie says automatically and then freezes as Rory gently says, "Tell me."

"I don't like high school," Annie says, looking up nervously at her mother. "I lied. I said I was okay but I'm not."

"Why did you lie to me?" Rory asks, wrapping her arms around her. "You said everything's fine."

"Because you and Daddy want me to be," Annie says. "You want me to have fun in high school."

"We want you to have a good time but not pretend you are. Sweets, what made you say that?"

"I heard you," Annie says, clenching her hands. "You said I needed to grow up."

"What?" Rory exclaims, staring at her. "I never said that."

"Yes you did. I heard you and Dad saying so."

"When?" Rory asks, perplexed and her face falls as Annie says, "Right before I started I heard you tell Dad I'm young for my age and high school will help me grow up!"

_"Annie."_

"I _heard_ you!"

Rory is silent, biting her lip and finally says, "I didn't mean it the way you heard it. You're young for your age but I don't think it's a bad thing."

"So how come you and dad want me to grow up faster?"

"Oh, Annie - I was worried that you'd have a hard time, and I didn't want you to feel like being a teenager was too much. I hoped high school would help you feel better about it. I remember you were nervous about Kindergarten and then you loved your first day and were so excited to go back, and were just fine, and I thought high school might be like that too. That's all I meant."

"I hate it," Annie says, starting to cry, and cries harder as Rory says, "I wish you'd told me."

"I didn't want you to be sad."

"That's my job - if you're sad I help you feel better, and so does your dad. I don't want you to pretend to be happy."

"But you'll be sad," Annie argues. "You'll be sad my best friend doesn't want to sit with me, no one does, that I can't do the work and no one thinks I'm cool."

"Oh, angel."

"You and Daddy wanted me to love high school," Annie says through her tears. "I wanted to, Mom, I did!"

"I know. It's okay." Rory kisses the top of her head and says, "I wanted you to have more fun than I did at school."

"I thought you liked Chilton?"

"I did, but my life was at home, at Stars Hollow. I don't feel sad about that, only I had a really hard time when I started Yale. It was tough at Chilton at first, especially with the whole deer incident, but I settled in. It took a whole year for me to settle at Yale. I struggled not having home there and I think maybe if I'd had friends at Chilton besides Paris it would have been easier. Maybe, maybe not but I just wanted you to adjust. But you don't have to pretend for me. I always want you to be real about how it is."

"I can't do any of it," Annie says tearfully. "Charlotte and Richie did their own thing and they were smart, and so you were you and Dad, but I'm no good at anything!"

"Of course you are. You don't need to be like them - just be like you. Be Annie."

"I don't want to be like me. I'm just a baby!"

"No, you're not."

"Yes I am. You and Dad are always calling me your baby!"

"You're _our_ baby," Rory tells her. "You're our surprise little girl, but you're not a baby, Annie. You're fourteen years old and having a rough time at high school, which tons of kids deal with it. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, and I'm sorry Dad and I ever made you feel that way. We're going to figure this out together."

"I can't even do my homework!"

"We can look at it together. That's something, right? And we'll figure out the rest."

Rory sounds so confident that Annie nods, believing her. She gives her mother a hug and Rory hugs her tightly back, stroking her hair and looking into Annie's blue eyes, the Gilmore eyes, as Jess calls them.

"We're going to get you through this," she says firmly. "Everything's going to be okay. And you know what else?"

"What?"

"Charlotte's bought the two of you tickets for a special movie screening next month in New York."

"For real?" Annie asks, her voice ending with a squeal and Rory nods laughing. "Just us?"

"Sisters' trip, she said."

"And can I take the train there by myself?"

"I'm not sure about that," Rory says. "But you can spend the weekend there with her."

Annie beams. She's never been to see her sister alone before - she asked once and her parents said maybe when she was fifteen. The day feels better already and Annie says, "This is very cool of you."

"Well, I'm a Gilmore. We're very cool people, and so are you."

"I am," Annie says, trying the words out, and she smiles. They sound true to her. "Are you and Dad really okay with not going with me?"

"Yes - sort of. You're not a little kid anymore."

"Nope," Annie says, and it doesn't seem so bad. "Thanks, Mom."

"We're good," Rory says, reaching over to stroke her daughter's hair, smiling as Annie's locket gleams in the morning light, catching the chain in her hand before letting it fall. "How about some breakfast? Mom's making pancakes."

"And coffee," Lorelai says, appearing at the doorway and Annie jumps out of bed.

"Coffee sounds great!"

"Oh, she's drinking coffee now?" Rory asks, half-amused and half-confused and laughs as Annie remarks, "Well, I am your daughter."

"Yes, you are," Rory says fondly. "Lead the way."

Annie gets up with a grin. It feels so much better to really feel okay rather than pretending to be okay, and even if high schools sucks right now she'll get through it. She's a Mariano and a Gilmore and Annie's leading the way.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter from Charlotte's POV, set a couple of years after Flux. Enjoy!**

Charlotte grips her glass of club soda, sitting back against the sofa and shaking her head as Logan asks, "You sure you don't want a snack?"

"I'm good," Charlotte answers, trying to sound like herself and not a guest. Logan pours himself a scotch and takes a seat opposite, holding up his glass.

"Well, cheers."

"Cheers," Charlotte says, unsure as to what but lifts her glass anyway. She and Logan drink silently, Charlotte elongating her sip. She already feels awkward.

"So," Logan says, putting his glass down. "How long's it been since we talked?"

"Um, two months, I guess?" More like three, Charlotte thinks. It was two months since Logan last emailed her anyway. It was closer to three months since they actually saw each other but Charlotte doesn't like to point that out.

"Right," Logan says. Charlotte hears a touch of apology in his voice but it could her imagination listening for it. "Catch me up, Charlotte – what's going on with you?"

"Not that much."

"You're in your first year of college! When I finished my first year I spent at least one night on a roof, snuck my way into a black tie event and threw a party on a yacht. And it wasn't even my yacht."

Charlotte smiles weakly, wondering if she should mention the last part to her mother. Yachts are kind of a sore point with her. Logan takes another drink of scotch, grins and adds, "I did a little studying too, I guess. Emphasis on the _little_."

Charlotte drinks more soda as Logan chuckles at the memory. He turns the subject to safer matters, asking after Rory and Charlotte's siblings which Charlotte reports on in relief, also telling him that Jess is fine too. Logan's smile falters slightly at the mention of _my dad_ but he nods gamely, drinking the rest of his scotch with a gulp. He refills it, refilling Charlotte's drink too despite it still being mostly full. It's a hot day and Charlotte feels a bead of sweat inch down her chest. Shifting, she tugs the fabric of her dress looser, wishing she'd worn her more casual and comfortable skirt. Why did she think she had to dress up anyway?

"Do you like college?" Logan asks, distracting Charlotte from her thoughts.

"Thanks," she says as he hands the drink and then, remembering the question, says stumblingly, "Um, yeah. It's good. It's fun."

Charlotte cringes as she hears herself. When she sees her family and friends she has no problem talking like an actual person and yet, when she sees Logan, she seems to lose her ability to form a real sentence. Logan smiles kindly and remarks, "_Fun_ should be the main component."

"Sure."

"And you're not seeing that guy anymore?"

"Guy?" Charlotte echoes in confusion and then asks, "Oh, you mean Alec? Logan, I broke up with him more than a year ago!"

"Alec! That's it," Logan says, slapping a hand to his head. "And no new guys?"

"No," Charlotte says shortly. She doesn't want to go into the few failed dates and one ill-fated night with a guy she met at a bar. Charlotte hasn't even told Lorelai about that. Actual boyfriends have been as likely as a fairy godmother granting Charlotte her heart's wishes.

"I didn't like that guy."

"You never even met him!" Charlotte exclaims, unable to stop a laugh coming out. "How do you know if you like him or not?"

"He wasn't enough for you."

Charlotte is so stunned she can't speak and Logan goes on, "He was fine for high school but you're in college now. You should be with someone better."

"Alec was great," Charlotte retorts, recovering her voice. "You don't know him. And who says I have to_ be_ with anyone?"

Logan chuckles at that, lifting his glass to her. "Touché."

Charlotte takes a large gulp of her drink, too stung to speak. Since when has Logan ever cared about her love life? Charlotte feels completely knocked off-balance and before she can steady herself Logan adds, "I know a kid who'd be just right for you. He's a year older than you are and his name's Carl."

"What?" Charlotte asks dumbly. She stares, putting the glass down. "What guy?"

Logan laughs at her look of confusion and says, "He's the son of some friends of mine. You'd like them, you'd like him and I think the two of you would have a blast. I already showed him your picture."

"Excuse me?"

"I know, I know, I haven't showed you his yet. It's no big deal, if you don't like him there's no pressure."

"No pressure?" Charlotte asks in disbelief. "You showed him my picture and told his parents all about me! Logan, I don't even know if I want a boyfriend!"

"I just thought it would be fun for you guys to hang out. I was trying to do something nice."

That word seems hard for Logan to say. Charlotte feels clammy, chilled as the air conditioning starts to kick in. Her dorm room is a million degrees hotter but Logan's apartment has no air. Taking a deep breath, Charlotte manages to say, "Thank you, but I'm not interested."

"You haven't even seen him!"

"I don't need to."

"Hey, you can't date too much at your age, or any age, if you ask me." Logan sounds a little bitter at that and Charlotte bites her lip, wondering if he and Odette will ever actually divorce. They've essentially been separated for years, ever since Charlotte broke the new of his paternity. Part of her feels guilty, despite Rory assuring her that their problems aren't hers and that the marriage was never healthy to start with. Charlotte glances at the wedding photo which still stands framed until Logan presses, "He's a really cool kid."

"Logan, I'm finishing up the year soon anyway so –"

"So you can hang out together in the office."

"What?"

"That's what I was going on to say," Logan says, leaning forward. "There's a secretary spot at my dad's company – well, my company too, I guess. You can have it."

"I don't want to be a secretary," Charlotte says blankly and then, suspiciously but graciously, "Thank you, but you can give the job to someone else."

"You're twenty," Logan says impatiently. "You already travelled for a year before starting college! What else are you going to do over summer?"

"Are you seriously criticising me for not having plans?" Charlotte asks in disbelief. "For not wanting to work for your dad?" It's so bizarre that Charlotte is hanging on for a punchline and she adds, "You can meet my friend the kettle if you are."

"Hey!"

"I'm good," Charlotte says firmly. "Thanks for the concern, but I don't need it. I'm going to work with my dad at Truncheon and then I'm taking a vacation with Ivy."

"It's a good job," Logan argues. "You'd make more money than you would at that publishing place and there's Carl."

"I can live without Carl," Charlotte comments, starting to feel a little weird about Logan's fixation on him. "So you can tell him to forget about my picture."

"This would be good for you," Logan insists. "Good for you to get started in the workplace, good for making some money and good for you to try something different. And I thought…I know I'm not your dad. I know Jess adopted you, but I still want to know you, Charlotte. It's my fault, I know it's my fault, but I thought maybe we could get to know each other more this summer."

Logan is looking at her earnestly and Charlotte bites her lip, staring at her legs. She crosses and uncrosses them for something to do, her heart beginning to thud painfully. She thinks of Logan's offer and then her own plans, how much she was looking forward to going away with Ivy, seeing her brother and sister and even working with Jess, hanging out with him and Rory. Charlotte knows it doesn't all rely on this summer but she knows she doesn't want Logan's plan either and finally she says, "Logan, I appreciate it, but I can't."

"This is a great opportunity!"

"I'm sure it is, and thank you, but I already know what I want to do over break. But we can see each other more," Charlotte adds desperately. "You know I live in the city now….when you're not travelling we can see each other."

Charlotte's not desperate to but Logan looks upset and Charlotte starts feeling sad too, sad at how they've never been close.

"I wanted you to work here this summer."

"There's always next year," Charlotte offers but Logan shakes his head.

"Carl wants to meet you."

"What is the big deal about Carl?" Charlotte exclaims and Logan says angrily, "I like him for you. Carl's parents thought you seemed good for him too and as he's working there –"

"So this is a set-up to keep him happy?" Charlotte asks, a rush of nausea in her throat. "I can't believe you!"

"No, it's not!" Logan shouts. "His parents like you and they're important to the company –"

"Oh my God!"

"But it's not about them!" Logan says furiously. "It's about you! I want the best guys for you, more for you!"

"You never cared before," Charlotte remarks and Logan's face fills with hurt.

"That's not true."

Charlotte looks away. Part of her wants to get up and walk out but her legs feel numb. Slowly, she looks back as Logan says, "I love you."

"I know," Charlotte says quietly. She doesn't doubt that but she doubts how much Logan really does want to know her.

"Carl's a good guy," Logan says again. "And this is a good job. Look, forget about Carl – he's not why I want you to work there. I thought it would be a great way for you to start out and a way for us to get to know each other. I never knew you when you were a kid."

"That's what you wanted."

"I know," Logan says, after a pause. "I just thought…Charlotte, my dad's getting older. My mom's already gone. I don't want us to be like that, like me and my dad. I want to know you more."

Charlotte is silent for a moment, looking at the man who fathered her yet is not her father.

"Logan, I'm sorry about your dad," she says eventually. "And I'm sorry about things being screwed up, but I don't want to work for you this summer, Carl or no Carl. I have my own life going on. You don't know what's best for me. If you want to know me more, you can talk to me but not like this. Make time for me. Make real time, not through a job and some guy you think I'll like. Get to know me as I am. It's your call."

Logan gives a small nod and Charlotte gets up, glad that her legs aren't shaking.

"I have to go," she tells him. "Thanks for the drink."

That sounds weird but Charlotte doesn't know how else to phrase it. Logan nods again and momentarily Charlotte wonders if he'll try and hug her but he doesn't, and Charlotte definitely won't. Picking up her purse, she gives him a kind of wave before walking out, her heart pounding so hard she's sure it's audible. As she exits the apartment Charlotte's mind wanders back to when she was sixteen, when she came over unannounced and how Logan begged her to leave. She was his dirty secret and now here he is, using her to get more for the company. Maybe not. Maybe he really does want more for her, but it's still ironic. He wants to have a daughter now that all the raising has been done.

Charlotte's uneasiness lasts all down the ride in the elevator and back to the car. Charlotte gets in, hands sweating, and suddenly doesn't want to drive back to the dorm. She can't talk to her friends about what just happened but also can't bear the thought of being alone, and, turning on the engine, Charlotte finds herself tapping in directions to Hartford. This is probably a very bad idea but she doesn't care, and Charlotte starts the drive to Connecticut.

It hurts driving past Stars Hollow. Briefly, Charlotte considers just going to her grandmother instead, but knows it's not time, not yet, and carries onto the city. There's the turning for Chilton, her mother's old school, and there's the turning for Emily and Richard's house. Charlotte has never been inside but takes the car past it all the same. She feels that she knows the house. Not too far from here is the cemetery but Charlotte drives on, deciding to get flowers later. Determined, she drives all the way to Christopher's house and knocks smartly on the door. Lingering, Charlotte knows he might not be inside – he might be out of the country for all she knows – but then the door opens and her grandfather, in biology only, opens the door. He stares at her for a moment and then says, "Charlotte?"

"You remember," Charlotte says, only half in jest, and Christopher ushers her in.

"This is a surprise. Is your mom okay?"

"Everyone's fine," Charlotte says and Christopher looks at her awkwardly for a moment.

"You know, I think Gigi might actually be within a hundred mile radius today. I can call her if you want – I'm sure she'd like to see you, but she might be busy and –"

"I want to see you," Charlotte interrupts. "I want to talk to you."

"Okay," Christopher says, sounding bemused. He makes them both a cup of coffee and says, "How about we sit in The Cave?"

Charlotte follows him into his office, where important looking documents are scattered on the desk, and takes a seat opposite. They sip coffee for a moment and Christopher asks, "So why the impromptu visit?"

"Why did you abandon my mom?"

Christopher stares at her and lets out a bark of surprised laughter.

"Going straight for the jugular, huh? You're just like Lorelai – talk about not messing around."

Charlotte doesn't smile and Christopher sighs, staring at his cup.

"I wanted to marry Lorelai. I was willing to do it all, follow our parents' plan, but she didn't."

"That's not an excuse," Charlotte shoots back. "You still could have been a dad to my mom."

"I was very young."

"So was Nana Lorelai."

"Lorelai was incredible," Christopher says, looking up. "She was a force of nature, uncontrollable. When I saw her holding Rory I knew nothing was getting between them. I couldn't compete with that. It was in the cards for her to raise Rory."

"But didn't you want to be her dad?"

"I was her dad," Christopher says defensively. "I am her dad!"

"But you hardly ever saw her," Charlotte says furiously. "You were her dad when you felt like it."

"Hey!"

"You didn't even visit Mom until she was sixteen! You mostly only saw her on holidays!"

"I was sixteen when she was born! Maybe I should have done more, but we can't all be as great as your grandmother. I was an idiot when I was sixteen."

"But you wanted to marry Nana," Charlotte argues, resisting the urge to ask Christopher if he's sure he's no longer an idiot. "You wanted to commit to that."

"If I'd had to maybe it would have worked. I loved her."

"You shouldn't have had to marry her to love my mom," Charlotte says and shakes her head when Christopher says, "I did love Rory."

"You didn't want to be a dad."

"Lorelai and Rory were a family on their own," Christopher retorts. "I wasn't in it."

"They were okay without you," Charlotte says, feeling her eyes begin to brim, "but you could have been there too. You could have been my mom's dad but you just wanted to hang out with her when it worked for you. You hurt her. I hate you for hurting her."

"Charlotte," Christopher starts to say but Charlotte gets up, blindly wiping at her eyes.

"You think it was all okay," she says tearfully. "But it wasn't. You were never a real dad."

"I know I messed up," Christopher says. "And I'm sorry. I tried to make things right but it was hard. Lorelai can tell you that, and Rory. Did she send you here?"

"Mom doesn't know I'm here," Charlotte says, straightening up. "And it doesn't matter what they say, because I know you hurt them, Nana and Lorelai. You can't be someone's dad just when you want to be."

"You don't understand the situation –"

"Yes, I do!" Charlotte shouts. "I understand all of it!"

"What happened?" Christopher asked, starting to go around the desk. "Why are you saying all of this to me?"

"I just want you to know that you hurt Mom," Charlotte sobs. "And it hurts being a daughter only when it's convenient to someone, and if you feel bad, you should feel worse because you left her. I want you to know. I want you to be sorry."

"I am sorry," Christopher says, but he still seems confused and Charlotte puts down the half-full cup of coffee, saying through her sobs, "I have to go."

"Don't go – stay, and we can talk some more. I'll call your mom."

"No!" Charlotte shouts. "I'm done here – I don't want to talk to you. Don't you dare call Mom!"

"Okay," Christopher says, backing away from the phone and lifting up his hands. "I'm not calling her, Charlotte. It's okay."

"I'm going," Charlotte tells him and before Christopher can respond she's running out of The Cave and out of the house, slamming the door before throwing herself in the car and driving away. She parks at the cemetery, takes a few shuddering breaths before bursting into more tears and, once she's recovered, sits up and wipes her eyes. She gets out her cellphone and dials Rory's number, her mother answering on the third ring.

"Charlotte?"

"Mom, can you come see me?"

"Where are you?"

"I'm at the cemetery in Hartford."

Rory doesn't question anything, instead promising to be there as soon as she can. Charlotte takes the time to go to a flower shop, buying a bouquet for her great-grandfather and placing them on the grave, throwing out the dead bunch.

"Hey," she says awkwardly to the grave. "You don't know me….well, maybe you do, if you can see me from where you are. Mom's coming. She still misses you a lot."

Charlotte feels kind of dumb saying it out loud but figures Rory might appreciate it and who knows, maybe Richard does too. Soon, her mother's car is approaching and all of Charlotte's thoughts are swung back to seeing Logan and Christopher. She feels herself begin to tear up as her mother goes over to her, pulling her into a hug and saying, "Sweets, what happened?"

Charlotte sobs out the whole story, Rory's mouth drawing into a tighter and tighter line as she hears about Carl and the office.

"Do you think he was telling the truth?" Charlotte sniffles. "Or was he just wanting to use me?"

"I'm sure he wants to know you," Rory says but she doesn't deny him using her. Maybe it's both. "Oh, honey. Do you want me to yell at him?"

"No."

"I'm yelling at him anyway," Rory says angrily. "I can't believe him."

"Look," Charlotte says, changing the subject. "I changed Richard's flowers."

"That means a lot," Rory says, starting to smile. "I'm sure he's happy. Thank you, angel. Hey, Grandpa."

She places her hand on the stone, looking sad, and Charlotte makes an excuse about going back to the car to give Rory a moment with him. When she returns Rory proposes going to Stars Hollow, something Charlotte is all for. Her stomach growls loudly and Rory laughs, suggesting lunch first. They find a small café and Rory says, "I'm sorry you dealt with all this today. And yelling at my dad too!"

"It just kind of came over me. I got so mad, Mom – how he was only a dad when he wanted to be."

"Mom said he was more like my playmate," Rory says sadly. "I didn't see it until I was older. When I was a kid I was just happy to see him and it was only until Sherry was pregnant that I started letting him go. He could be father to a new kid but not to me."

Charlotte nods, remembering the words she flung at her mother and father about Richie and Annie when she was so hurt over Logan. _They're the kids you should have had._ Her mother looks into her eyes, gently cupping Charlotte's chin.

"Thank you for standing up for me."

"I wanted him to know how much he hurt you," Charlotte says. "It's not fair."

"It's not," Rory agrees. "But it's how it is. And I had Mom and Luke and the whole town."

"It's his loss," Charlotte says firmly and her mother smiles, nodding at her.

"It is. And Logan's loss, if he doesn't make the effort with you."

"I don't need him to," Charlotte says. She's unsure if she wants him to or not. She and her mother take pensive sips until Rory says, "I've missed you, Charlotte. We're all looking forward to you coming home."

"Me too," Charlotte says sincerely. She takes a bite of sandwich but her hunger fades as Rory asks, "So what did you think of your first year? Give me an honest opinion."

"Really?"

_"Really."_

"I liked some of it," Charlotte says thoughtfully. "Some wasn't so great. I got kind of lonely. I missed Alec, even though I broke up with him. I went on some dates and I wish I hadn't bothered."

"I've been there."

Rory sounds sympathetic and, without stopping to think about her mother's reaction, Charlotte admits, "I had a one night stand."

"You what?"

Rory looks stunned but not angry and Charlotte says awkwardly, "It just kind of happened…I was at this bar and I met this guy and he was my age and we got talking and kissing and we went back to his place…."

Rory is simply staring and Charlotte feels her cheeks flush. Why did she even tell her? She should have left the bar part out, if not all the entire story.

"I'm sorry."

"Were you safe?"

"Of course I was safe. It was back in winter."

Rory lets out a breath and Charlotte asks nervously, "Are you mad?"

"I'm not mad," Rory says slowly. "I don't think I'm exactly thrilled about it but I'm not mad."

"I didn't plan on it."

"I know that feeling," Rory says. "I did something like that once."

Charlotte remembers that part in her mother's book, a part she skipped over once she saw the direction it was going towards, and asks, "Should I not have told you?"

"You didn't have to tell me," Rory says. "But I'm glad you wanted to. You know you can tell me anything."

"I know," Charlotte says. The two smile shyly, finishing their lunch, and then get up to drive to Stars Hollow.

"Do you want to come home tonight?" Rory asks before they get into their respective cars. "I know you've got school."

"I can come home," Charlotte decides. She's going home for summer in a couple of weeks but being with her family sounds better than heading back to the dorm.

"Richie and Annie will be happy," Rory says, smiling. "And your dad'll be thrilled."

Charlotte smiles too, thinking of seeing Jess. Her dad gives the best hugs, the best advice and she knows he'll say something great about the whole Logan situation. He's her real father. Rory kisses her cheek and Charlotte feels better already, better after seeing her mom and crying it out. She knows what Charlotte's thinking, where she's been and they're okay. Forget Logan and Christopher – they have each other, they're Gilmore girls and Charlotte gets ready to drive.


	18. Chapter 18

**Thanks for the feedback! Chapter with Jess and Charlotte.**

Jess leans back in his chair. Rory's at work, Richie and Charlotte are at school and Annie's being spoiled by her grandparents in Stars Hollow. It's a whole three hours before Jess has to pick up the older kids and he's enjoying a quiet afternoon at Truncheon. Closing his eyes for a moment, Jess is snapped back to reality by his cellphone ringing and answers with a silent groan. So much for peace.

"Truncheon books."

"Is this Jess Mariano?"

"Speaking." Jess looks at the phone and sits up as he notices that it's the elementary school. "Is something wrong?"

"It's concerning your daughter, Charlotte Gilmore. We initially tried calling Rory Gilmore but couldn't contact her."

"She's in meetings," Jess says impatiently. "What's wrong? Is Charlotte sick?"

"She was in a fight."

"What?" Jess blurts out. "You're kidding."

"I can assure you I'm not kidding," the administrator answers, sounding decidedly unamused. "She hit a boy in her class during recess."

"Why?"

"She's refusing to say. I need you or your wife to come to the school."

"On my way," Jess says, hanging up the phone and springing out of the chair. This does not make any sense. Pausing, Jess picks up the phone to call Rory but puts it back down. Her phone's most likely on silent and the entire situation is still too much for Jess to fathom. Charlotte has a temper but she never uses her fists. Grabbing his jacket and keys, Jess figures he'll try and get the facts first before calling Rory. No need to freak her out yet.

It doesn't take long to reach the school but Jess messages everyone in Truncheon to say he might be out for the day. Jess is ushered into the office where Charlotte and the boy she supposedly hit are sitting by the desk, squirming away from each other. Charlotte's hair is tangled and she wears a frown on her face along with some dirt, her arms crossed over her freshly torn shirt. The boy has dirty streak on his cheek but otherwise looks no worse than Charlotte. At the sight of her father Charlotte sinks a little in her seat but her expression is no less defiant. Jess raises his eyebrows at her but Charlotte still scowls.

"Mr Mariano," says the teacher, making Jess jump. She walks out from the corner and extends her hand, which Jess shakes, before asking, "Do you know why you've been called down here?"

"I was told Charlotte was in a fight," Jess says quizzically. "Kind of fuzzy on the details."

"So am I," says the teacher grimly. "I was on recess duty and looked over to see Charlotte push Billy over. By the time I got to them she was on the ground and I saw her hit him. There would doubtlessly been more of a fight if I hadn't separated them. I asked them what happened but neither will tell me, and Charlotte won't apologise. She knows we use our words, not our fists."

At that Charlotte scowls more deeply and shakes her head when the teacher asks, "Do you want to tell your father what happened?"

"Hey," Jess says, kneeling beside her. "It's okay. You can tell me what happened. You want to tell me outside?"

"No," Charlotte says and, although she's angry, Jess can hear a hitch in her voice. Biting his lip, he straightens up and says, "Look, my daughter doesn't hit people. Something must have happened."

"She knows we have a no violence policy."

"I'm sure," Jess says, trying to keep his voice even. "But something must have happened."

"Neither of them are saying a word. I've told Charlotte if she apologises she can go back to class and we'll talk about it later but she's refusing."

"I'm not sorry," Charlotte says bluntly. Her words are tight and she hunches herself in the chair. The teacher sighs.

"Billy, can you tell us what happened?"

The boy shakes his head and simply says, "I want to go home."

"Your mom's on her way. Go back to class for now."

Billy gets up, sniffling, and slams his way out of the office. Charlotte folds her arms and stays silent when asked again and the teacher turns to Jess.

"If she won't apologise and explain she's suspended for the afternoon."

Jess looks at his third grader. Charlotte is staring at the desk, her cheeks red, but through her anger Jess can see an exhaustion. It's an exhaustion he's familiar with, a sensation he particularly associates with school, and Jess knows Charlotte is done for the day.

"I'm taking Charlotte home," he decides. "I think it's best for everyone if she starts over tomorrow."

The teacher stares in surprise. "You don't want her to apologise?"

"I want her to give the full story and I don't think she's going to right now. If she comes home with me I can find out what happened."

The teacher looks at Charlotte, looks at Jess and says, "If you think that's best."

"I do. Come on, Charlotte."

Father and daughter don't say a word on the drive back. Jess glances over at Charlotte from time to time but she stares out of the window, her jaw set, and Jess leaves her be. As they get into the house Jess grabs two sodas from the fridge, hands one to Charlotte and opens his before asking, "You feel like talking about it?"

"No."

Charlotte glares at him, clenching the can so tightly Jess is worried it'll burst. There's a look of worry buried in the defensiveness and mildly Jess says, "Okay. How about some lunch?"

"Lunch?" Charlotte echoes suspiciously and Jess says, "Yeah, lunch. I'm thinking sandwiches. Go wash up so soil's not seasoning the bread."

Slowly, Charlotte disappears upstairs and Jess sets to making the sandwiches, mind still whirring. After Charlotte emerges with a washed face Jess hands her a plate and sits opposite her. Charlotte takes a small bite before eating more hungrily. She seems a little more relaxed, though she hasn't changed her ripped shirt, and Jess blinks. Aside from not being a girl, it almost feels as though Jess is observing his younger self sent home from school. He always felt that he was holding his breath until he was back in the empty apartment. Shaking himself, Jess lifts his own sandwich and eats half before asking gently, "You want to tell me what went on?"

"No," Charlotte says again, but she sounds more tired than angry and Jess leans forward.

"Hey. You can tell me. It's just us."

Charlotte bites her lip and Jess adds, "I'm not going to get mad at you."

"My teacher got mad."

"I'm not your teacher."

Charlotte pauses and asks quietly, "Do I have to tell you?"

"You don't have to tell me," Jess says carefully, "but I bet you'll feel better if you do. Or Mommy."

Charlotte's eyes fill with tears and Jess goes around the table to her, wrapping her in a hug.

"It's okay to tell me, kiddo," he promises. "You don't have to tell me right now, but you can tell me. It's okay. I love you."

Charlotte cries into his shoulder and Jess holds her for a moment, kissing her curls. You have to be patient with Charlotte. Rory is the same, she'll talk when she's ready, and to push makes her quieter. Like mother, like daughter. Charlotte is silent for a moment before lifting her face and saying tearfully, "Billy said you aren't my daddy."

"What?"

"In class we made family trees and I made a leaf for you and a leaf for Logan, and Billy said it's dumb. He said I can't have two dads and I said yes I can, because Logan's my father but you're my dad, and he said I'm stupid. He said if Mommy had me before you were there then you aren't my daddy so I pushed him in the mud. And then he said I was stupid again so I hit him and I'm not sorry!"

Jess stares in disbelief, starting to want to find the kid and hit him too. Instead he kisses Charlotte's cheek and says, "I'm your dad."

Charlotte sniffles, nodding, and Jess goes on, "You can have a dad who's not your father. I'm definitely your dad."

"I know," Charlotte says in a wobbly voice. "Some kids in my class have two dads or no dads at all."

"There you go. All families are different."

"Why did he call me stupid?"

"He didn't get it," Jess says. "And that's something he should feel bad for, not you. Charlotte, I've been your dad ever since you were born and they put you in my arms. I loved you from the second your mom told me she was having you."

Charlotte smiles but she seems troubled as she asks, "Daddy…what if Logan wanted to be my dad?"

Jess squeezes her hand, saying gently, "Then you'd have another dad, but it wouldn't stop me being yours. Nothing in the world could stop me being your daddy. You're my girl."

Charlotte smiles but she still seems uncertain and quietly she asks, "Does Logan want to be my dad?"

"He's lucky to have you for a daughter," Jess says slowly, his heart aching. She shouldn't have to deal with this. "I know he loves you. He can't be a dad right now."

"That's okay," Charlotte says, sounding more herself again. "You're my daddy."

"That's right," Jess says and then Charlotte is hugging him tightly, her body relaxing as the anger falls off. "I love you, kiddo. You're stuck with me for life."

Charlotte wrinkles her nose, making Jess laugh, and then she sighs.

"I don't want to say sorry."

"Billy shouldn't have said that stuff to you," Jess says. "He was wrong. But you know you can't hit people."

"I don't care! I'm not sorry!"

Charlotte has that defiant look in her eyes again. For all that she's not his biologically, it really is like looking in a mirror. Jess is hurtled back to days where he punched kids at school, not even trying to hold back. He'd be teased for being poor, for his mother being a slut, for having to make his own way home every day. Jess hated all of them, even the kids who didn't tease him. He didn't trust anyone until he met Rory. Observing his daughter, Jess thinks of what, if anything, would have got through to him back then. No one tried getting through until Luke and by then it was mostly too late.

"Charlotte," Jess says, looking into her eyes. "Sometimes people are jerks. Sometimes they say and do really mean things and it's not okay, and sometimes you want to hit them. That's okay, but you've got to stop yourself from the hitting part. You can't hit someone for saying mean stuff."

"Why not?"

"Because you could hurt them. If someone is being mean to you then tell me or Mommy."

"It's not fair! It's not fair that he's a jerk and I'm the one saying sorry."

"I know," Jess says gently. "But I can tell your teacher what happened. She'll make Billy say he's sorry."

"I don't want her to know," Charlotte says tearfully and Jess nods. He understands. He pulls Charlotte into another hug and says, "You should feel sorry for Billy. He doesn't understand the difference between a father and a dad but you do."

Charlotte nods slowly and Jess adds, "You can say you're sorry you hit him. How about that? And I can tell the teacher you were provoked."

"What does that mean?"

"That Billy made you mad."

"Oh," Charlotte considers. "Okay then."

"That's my girl."

"Is Mommy going to be mad?"

"Mommy might be sad but not mad at you. I can explain when she comes home."

"Okay," Charlotte says. "Did Mommy ever hit anyone in school?"

Jess bites back a laugh at the image of Rory in her Chilton uniform swinging a punch at someone, and then recalls Rory telling him about the fight she had during her community service. _Crazy world we live in_.

"Not in school," he says, leaving off the caveat. "But I got in fights when I was your age all the time. Not something you should imitate."

Jess lifts her into his lap, for all that Charlotte is eight years old, and says, "We've got another couple of hours before I have to go get Richie, and your little sister's in Stars Hollow. What do you say to a movie?"

"And popcorn and candy?"

"Twist my arm," Jess teases and at her confused frown, explains, "That sounds good. Go pick something."

Charlotte runs to the television and Jess grins, going to set the snacks up. An afternoon watching a movie with his daughter sounds perfect. He thinks back to the angry kid he was, alone on the playground or in the apartment and wishes he could tell him how it'll be. _You'll write, you'll love, you'll be a dad._ All the silent connections Jess couldn't see, believing he was alone in it. Going over to the couch, Jess pulls Charlotte to him and kisses her curls. He wasn't alone and neither is she. They are linked with love.


End file.
